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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is stealing?

468 replies

Dontgiveaflyingfuck · 20/10/2017 09:42

Dd1 (9) had two siblings for a play date yesterday (9 and 10). My only rule is that my bedroom is out of bounds. I asked dd1 to fetch me my sewing kit from my room - what i later found out is one or both of the siblings followed her in and ate some of my sweets. Dd1 is autistic so cannot easily lie and rarely breaks rules so i believe her when she said she didn't touch anything.

I spoke to the other mum this morning and said i wasn't sure which of her kids had stolen but i thought she'd want to know. She laughed and said its not stealing just sweets. Surely going somewhere you are not allowed and removing something is stealing? Or AIBU? I'd be furious if it was mine! Fair enough a 2 year old but surely by 9 and 10 you should know what not to touch.

OP posts:
QuackPorridgeBacon · 22/10/2017 12:26

No, I also think if you take something without asking when in an unfamiliar house when you have been told not to, is stealing. Taking fruit from a fruit bowl if you haven’t been told to help yourself is in my mind stealing. I wouldn’t be pissed but I would say next time just ask. Although with my child I do say you don’t have to ask just help yourself, she still asks anyway. If I have a guest I will say just help yourself to anything and I mean it but the Op didn’t say that and the sweets were in a room she already told them to stay out of so in my opinion and by definition it is stealing.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 22/10/2017 12:27

Can you tell me what it is then if it is not stealing?

Willow2017 · 22/10/2017 12:28

Ukelele
Lots of posts on this thread saying that it was ok and op is wrong. Not only wrong to keep what the hell she wants to in her own room but wrong to think its not public property and wrong to think random kids have no right to go into her room. Not to mention blaming her dd who has autism for the other kids doing it.

Maybe you should read every post on the thread?

ukelelebanana · 22/10/2017 12:28

Can you tell me what it is then if it is not stealing?

I already have, 10 times. It's "not stealing". I don't think I can be any clearer.

ukelelebanana · 22/10/2017 12:29

Maybe you should read every post on the thread?

I have. You've read them wrong, try again!

QuackPorridgeBacon · 22/10/2017 12:47

Bluntness100

I would not see this as theft either and I’d be quite horrified if you suggested it.

There is someone saying it is not stealing.

What is it if you say it is not stealing? Saying it’s not stealing isn’t actually an answer. Is it ok in your view then? What else can taking something from someone’s room that you weren’t allowed in and not offered the sweet be if not stealing? I’m sorry I’m not even trying to be a dick I just cannot possibly see how it isn’t stealing.

ukelelebanana · 22/10/2017 12:49

I give up. you keep asking the same question that has been answered over and over and over again. We get it, you think it is stealing, you cannot comprehend anyone elses opinion in anyway, you cannot understand the people who have said its not ok but its also not right to call it stealing.

You have your opinion and you can't understand that others differ. Why keep asking for explanations that have been given though?

QuackPorridgeBacon · 22/10/2017 12:54

You are wrong, I do understand that others have a different opinion I just don’t understand why. Just like you don’t seem to get why I and others believe it is stealing. I just can’t understand why you don’t. Saying “it’s not stealing” just isn’t descriptive enough for me and I can’t apologise for that. I feel I need a detailed answer to try and understand. You can view me in whatever way you like butthe point is I cannot get past the fact that it is in my opinion stealing and also by definition. If the sweet was not offered then taking it is stealing. I’m sorry if I am not being understanding enough for you but it is stealing and I can’t get past that. I wouldn’t make a big deal out of he act of taking the sweet without permission but to call it anything other than stealing is confusing to me.

timeisnotaline · 22/10/2017 16:30

I think the op will have to stay confused. Some thoughts if you do reread the fact that it is NOT stealing. Greedy, cheeky, naughty, rude.... not stealing! Also, just because you can't quite get your head around it is not a good enough reason to not understand that a large number of people disagree with you, and your dds friends mum probably thinks future play dates may not be a great idea.
You will have plenty of time to think about this if you behave this to all the parents of your dds friends.

DancingDragon · 22/10/2017 18:50

You will have plenty of time to think about this if you behave this to all the parents of your dds friends.

Ridiculous. It is stealing. Low level, but stealing nethertheless. Although tbh if a parent behaved like that and took the attitude that its ok for a child to do that at my house, then their child wouldnt be invited back anyway. Do what you want in your own house, but not in other peoples.

Lethaldrizzle · 22/10/2017 19:13

Who knows, maybe the ops kid was instrumental in this heinous crime? Maybe he pointed out the loot in the first place?

lljkk · 22/10/2017 19:14

OP said "I'm autistic as well as tend to be very literal"

Gals, please reinterpret this thread with that info about OP.

Lethaldrizzle · 22/10/2017 19:20

So because op is very literal does that mean it was stealing or not stealing? Confused now

lljkk · 22/10/2017 19:29

Instinct towards Black and white thinking, yes. Difficulty in accepting people who don't follow rules & like following rules & interpret the rules strictly as stated & inviolate.

OP has tried hard to learn from MNers, other people's perspectives. Give her credit.

If the rest of you want to waste an evening debating if it's "stealing" or not, then knock yourselves out. :)

RadioGaGoo · 22/10/2017 20:03

Ukulele, you say that Quack cannot comprehend anyone else's opinion, but you are guilty of doing the same.

Pengggwn · 22/10/2017 20:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lethaldrizzle · 22/10/2017 21:00

Lljkk - posting on mumsnet a wasted evening - what! And is that how you like to waste your evenings too ? !

TheFickleFingerOfFate · 22/10/2017 21:59

TBH I think you're being a bit OTT with the whole 'stealing' thing. Kids will eat sweets if they're lying about and a forbidden room is always appealing. Just make sure the room is shut properly next time and secure it somehow. And don't send DD in to fetch anything - an open door is an invitation to kids, especially visitors. But if you're really, really unhappy about it, then just don't invite them back. I know it's the principle that is important to you, but I imagine your kids have heard enough about it by now to have realised that mum's sweets are strictly off-limits.

DancingDragon · 22/10/2017 22:12

Kids will eat sweets if they're lying about and a forbidden room is always appealing.

Thats not true.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 23/10/2017 04:00

Imagine if it was a teacher's stash of sweets, on the shelf behind her desk. Imagine if the teacher found out 2 children had taken sweets from her stash without permission. Do you think she would think they had stolen them? I do.

Pengggwn · 23/10/2017 06:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 23/10/2017 11:15

Thumb apparently not according to this thread.

Mummyme1987 · 23/10/2017 11:31

I would count it as low level stealing too. Taking something that’s isn’t yours is stealing. However low value the item. Tesco would think it was too. In a bowl on the side isn’t the same. Being in a bowl implies it’s being offered.

WiseUpJanetWeiss · 23/10/2017 12:27

Stealing means taking something that isn’t yours without actual or implied permission. I don’t see how there was any implied permission in the OP’s scenario.

Yes it’s hardly the crime of the century, but it’s still stealing. I wouldn’t stop the children from coming around again but I would be very clear with them that helping themselves to things that do not belong to them is not acceptable in my house.

internetCrazies · 23/10/2017 13:13

It is stealing. A little seemingly unimportant theft at best but even so, my 5 year old knows not to take anything at all without asking.

But if the kids mum thinks her children taking things that aren't theirs is okay then I guess there's little hope for the kids to know it's wrong.

They don't need to be invited over again. After I found out one of my DD's friends (11) had been in my bedroom, rummaging in my jewellery box she hasn't been allowed back and I've not looked in the box because if I find something missing there's nothing I can do. I don't have anything worth anything but it's all sentimental crap. That girl is from a family who's family are straight from the stage of Jeremy Kyle so I should have known better. You live, you learn.