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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is stealing?

468 replies

Dontgiveaflyingfuck · 20/10/2017 09:42

Dd1 (9) had two siblings for a play date yesterday (9 and 10). My only rule is that my bedroom is out of bounds. I asked dd1 to fetch me my sewing kit from my room - what i later found out is one or both of the siblings followed her in and ate some of my sweets. Dd1 is autistic so cannot easily lie and rarely breaks rules so i believe her when she said she didn't touch anything.

I spoke to the other mum this morning and said i wasn't sure which of her kids had stolen but i thought she'd want to know. She laughed and said its not stealing just sweets. Surely going somewhere you are not allowed and removing something is stealing? Or AIBU? I'd be furious if it was mine! Fair enough a 2 year old but surely by 9 and 10 you should know what not to touch.

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 22/10/2017 09:39

Abbylee

Considering the sweets were not visible in comumual areas it was not a test for them to resist. They shouldnt have taken them end off. They are old enough to know better.

What business is it of anyones why op has her own sweets in her own bedroom? Good grief its not a crime to keep things in your own private room. What is this obsession on mn to question anyone who does something different to themselves?

Its her room her private place if she wants to chil and treat herself to a sweet there then she can. She doesnt have to ask anyones 'permission'. And she shouldn't have to expect visitors going in and helping themselves.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 22/10/2017 10:15

So still the Op is inthe wrong for doing things her own way, they may be different but not wrong. The children are in the wrong and no one else. Simple really. If it’s stealinv by definition then it is stealing. We don’t have people saying it’s not really this or that for anything else. So why stealing?

ukelelebanana · 22/10/2017 10:24

So what I have gathered from this thread is that, it is ok to steal from someone’s house if it is a 9/10 year old child who should know better if it is sweets in someone’s room high up on a shelf?

No idea what thread you've been reading if that is what you gathered. Maybe try reading it again?

QuackPorridgeBacon · 22/10/2017 10:32

Ok so all those posters saying the age means it’s ok, the fact it is sweets makes it ok and it’s the op in the wrong for having sweets in her room are made up? I’ve made all of that up and haven’t read the thread at all? It is stealing yet so many people are saying it isn’t or that they wouldn’t call it stealing, what would you call it then? They stole the sweets from a eoomthwy weren’t allowed in at an age where they should know better but apparently that is not stealing... Hmm

QuackPorridgeBacon · 22/10/2017 10:33

Room* not eoomthwy.

ukelelebanana · 22/10/2017 10:34

Yes, you've made that up. Nobody actually said it was ok, just that it wasn't the massive deal you are trying to make it.

BTW, you can't just keep repeating stealing is stealing as if you win with that, when people are telling you they don't agree with your unnuanced definition of stealing. It doesn't work that way.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 22/10/2017 10:36

Its weird isnt it quack

Its stealing

Would i call the police...nope

Would i tell everyone i know that they stole....nope

I would like to know if my children did it so i could explain that its not a nice thing to do and is stealing and that they should ask for permission before eating anything they havnt been offered

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 22/10/2017 10:38

take (another person's property) without permission or legal right and without intending to return it.

Where didnt they do this?

Wait, if they did a shit while in the OPs house would that be considered returning it

I dont mind debating the seriousness of it and that will obviously vary from person to person but i cant see how its not, by a technical definition, stealing

ukelelebanana · 22/10/2017 10:40

It's not weird at all.

Some of you keep banging on about "taking something without explicit permission is stealing". but even you could name plenty of scenarios where you would not call someone taking something without permission as stealing. Because the definition is not as simple as you pretend.
Are you really unable to grasp that some people are applying that logic to this situation? Perhaps you should try a little harder, it's not that difficult.

Is it ok that they did it? No, not really. But would most of us call it stealing? No, we wouldn't. It's called grown up thinking.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 22/10/2017 10:43

Excellent ukelale

Its not stealing

What is it then, i am happy to call it something else but what woukd you call taking something without permission

Would it make a difference if it was something more valuable

And im not being snarky, people have said its not stealing but not what it actually is

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 22/10/2017 10:44

And yeah

Like you dont think its stealing

I think its weird

Different opinions

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 22/10/2017 10:47

And as i said earlier

One of my children thought it was stealing and the other didnt

So even they have a difference of opinion

Lethaldrizzle · 22/10/2017 10:49

I'm pretty sure I've been in people's houses and taken a sweet, perhaps from a box of chocolates without asking - as an adult - I am wicked!

ukelelebanana · 22/10/2017 10:51

And im not being snarky, people have said its not stealing but not what it actually is

It's just eating a bloody sweet, we don't need a word for it!

If it was an apple from the bowl in the kitchen, would you call that stealing?

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 22/10/2017 10:57

ukele

If the sweets were in a bowl in the kitchen i wouldnt call it stealing either

Bloody tempting sweeties in a bowl...thats why we dont have any, i eat the lot Grin

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 22/10/2017 10:58

Sorry ukelele

My spelling is shot today

ukelelebanana · 22/10/2017 11:02

If the sweets were in a bowl in the kitchen i wouldnt call it stealing either

But you (and others) said that taking something without permission is stealing, end of story. Now its not if they are out in the open? So its stealing if they are on a shelf but not if they are in the kitchen? This means you did not mean what you said earlier, and you are actually agreeing with me.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 22/10/2017 11:07

I think going into someone's private room and taking something that has been 'hidden' in a box and put on a shelf out of reach is stealing

So in this case I believe that it is stealing as opposed to a cheeky littleone or adult taking something in plain sight

I too agree that a food item is different from a tenner for example, so if a friend 'nicks' my sweets i would be annoyed but not ringing the police

Thats me using my grown up thinking head Smile

I didnt to be fair think i had to clarify it to this extent...i was purely (and obviously stupidly) just replying to the situation in the OP

Not someone pinching a penguin from the fridge

Lethaldrizzle · 22/10/2017 11:13

So when does it go from not stealing to stealing. The consensus seems to be a bowl of sweets in the middle of a table is not stealing. Sweets in jar on high up shelf in an out of bounds room - stealing. How about box of chocolates with lid on, on the side, in a room and not blatantly on display? Is that stealing? It just all seems part of the same thing and that is something really trivial.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 22/10/2017 11:14

It is trivial....

ukelelebanana · 22/10/2017 11:17

Rufus, my point was that sometimes the bald definition of the word may be technically correct but not practicably applicable. You told me I was wrong and then outlined that you agreed with me entirely. Hmm

As an adult you may see the difference between a bowl in the kitchen or a box in the bedroom but a 9 year old may not.

Either way, the people banging on about being livid and furious and how its the same thing as a diamond necklace and how they feel terrible for our children to be raised by people who can't tell right from wrong...are fucking lunatics, frankly. If you're that incensed about a child eating a sodding sweet you need to a) get yourself a fucking life, and b) please never ever have any children over to your house.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 22/10/2017 11:24

Really sorry cant say where i said you were wrong ukelele

As i said in this case i dont know how its NOT stealing but i also said that opinions differ

In this case I believe its stealing...you dont, unless you think that having a difference of opinions mean that someone has to be wrong...in which case we will have to differ again Smile

All i am saying is that the 9 year old should have the difference explained to them

Lethaldrizzle · 22/10/2017 11:32

Ukulele you put it so well

QuackPorridgeBacon · 22/10/2017 12:21

I am not making it a big deal, if you have read my responses you will see that I believe t is minor I also wouldn’t think it much of a big deal but my issue is that people are saying it isn’t stealing when it actually is. If not stealing then what is it?

ukelelebanana · 22/10/2017 12:23

my issue is that people are saying it isn’t stealing when it actually is. If not stealing then what is it

Not stealing. Honestly, can you truly not comprehend it even though it's been explained multiple times?
Do you agree with the poster who said it wouldn't be stealing if it was in a bowl in the kitchen?

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