To think this is stealing?

[Dontgiveaflyingfuck]

Dd1 (9) had two siblings for a play date yesterday (9 and 10). My only rule is that my bedroom is out of bounds. I asked dd1 to fetch me my sewing kit from my room - what i later found out is one or both of the siblings followed her in and ate some of my sweets. Dd1 is autistic so cannot easily lie and rarely breaks rules so i believe her when she said she didn't touch anything.

I spoke to the other mum this morning and said i wasn't sure which of her kids had stolen but i thought she'd want to know. She laughed and said its not stealing just sweets. Surely going somewhere you are not allowed and removing something is stealing? Or AIBU? I'd be furious if it was mine! Fair enough a 2 year old but surely by 9 and 10 you should know what not to touch.

Why did you need your sewing kit if you were in the middle of cooking with your toddler; Yes why? It was hardly the best time.

When I’ve had mates over (not very often I must admit) if my mum asked me to get something from her room, my friends would stay in mine while I went and got said item never would I have thought they would follow, in fact even at mates houses I would never follow them into their mums room it just wouldn’t feel right. Another thing is that the Op has already said to see the sweets you simply have to get onto her bed, no idea why people are saying they couldn’t possibly have found them themselves because the room didn’t look like it was burgled. Again another thing is that the Op couldn’t talk to the children about it because she didn’t realise until after they had gone home now, iveread on here and elsewhere a lot that you cannot tell a child off for something after it happened but mentioning it to the Mum I would have thought sensible, then the mother could explain that different homes have different rules and you should wait until offered before taking anything especially from a room you were told you were not allowed into. At 9 years old I would expect (special needs aside) you to understand that a room that is off limits would also contain items that you were not to touch but alas I’ve come to find on here that some people are raising their children to treat anywhere and everywhere like their own home which is actually quite worrisome for me. I do not want any children coming into my home that think it’s ok to go about into places they aren’t allowed and to then steal things and be told it is ok by their parents. I have medical equipment in my house due to my younger child and if still needed when she’s older or if she gets worse as she gets older and needs more stuff I would be mortified if a child went poking around when already told not to, to then be told by their parent it is fine.

What about if it wasn’t a sweet? What about if something medical of my child’s was taken? What if I then needed said item later on and find it missing? No supplies can be delivered at night and I would have to wake my other child (if I’m bed) find money for a taxi that I may not have to get to a hospital to get said item so my child can I don’t know, let’s say it was to do with feeding, I’d have to leave my house to stop the item so my child wouldn’t go hungry. Would that be stealing? If you think yes then why can’t you see that the sweet was also stealing? I’m not saying it is major and I am not comparing it to stealing something more serious like medical equipment I was just using it as an example of a child taking something they shouldn’t. Stealing a sweet is minor it really is, I’d be annoyed but not furious but I would like the child to know that they shouldn’t do it, why is that so wrong?

God, I realise that was a long post. Sorry.

This is an eye-opening thread, that's for sure.

just so utterly toe curlingly cringe worthy.

Indeed, I get that guiding a child, showing the difference between right and wrong and speaking to their parent about it would be cringe worthy. Best not to bother than. Oh wait.....

No-one has yet told us how they found the sweets in a sealed box that were high up on a shelf out of reach?

Seriously, no-one else wants to know that?

ukelelebanana actually the Op said, if you are on the bed you can see the sweets on a shelf. Kid gets onto bed, sees the sweets, eats some.

My God I can't believe this thread is still going, all over a few sweets!

Either the sweets were on display or the daughter told them they were there. My room is not out of bounds, my daughters friends never went in, because there is nothing in there that would interest them. I don’t keep sweets hidden in my bedroom. I’ve never heard of visiting kids who randomly go rooting through a friends parents bedroom, usually they are too busy playing.

And the daughter was told to go in, most kids would just say back in a sec, not have two friends come with her to get the sewing kit.

My money is on the ops daughter told them the sweets were in the mums room and they could go have some.why the hell else would they go in there looking for them.

They obviously didn’t go in looking for the sweets.. so now it’s the daughters fault. Fs lol it gets funnier and funnier. The daughter is autistic and a rule follower, she couldn’t even not tell the truth in regards to the sweets being taken. Why can it not be the children’s fault, you know, the ones who chose to take something without asking?

deadringer This is MN bread and butter type of stuff. Along with helpless DHs and imposing MILs.

Clearly they do Pengggwn.

I’ve no idea.. it’s sad that the Op is being blamed for doing things differently to others, no wrong just differently. Instead of focusing on the fact that the children stole something at an age where they should understand you do not take what isn’t offered, people are focusing on blaming the Op because she keeps sweets in her bedroom. I mean, how Ickes up is that?

Fucked*

It's disturbing how many people are actually ok with the idea of their children pilfering. I'd be mortified if one of mine did this! AND I would be thanking the OP for telling me so that I knew my children needed a reinforcement lesson on why we don't take stuff without permission.

Good GOD, it's sweets?! Did you seriously never steal a sweet as a child?

As far as I'm concerned there's a level of 'acceptable naughtiness' that you can accept from kids, it's in their nature to push the boundaries.

I wouldn't put it past my 6 year old to snatch a sweet but she's kind, respectful, caring and she knows the difference between a serious misdemeanor and a forgivable one.

Having aid that, it WAS wrong to go into your room and I'd be cross about that. Especially given the ages.

If the 9 and 10 yo come from a home where taking sweets without permission is normal then no, I don’t think you can expect them to know not to eat your sweets. I’m not saying it’s right but it’s the message they get at home.

Agreed.

If this happened in my home, I would feel guilty that I hadn't fed the little visitors enough.

Show a little hospitality when people visit. It's only food (and junk food, at that) in a country of plenty!

Maybe they do not have very much at home. On the other hand, if you have so many sweets that you can keep some in a bedroom too, then what's the harm in showing a little compassion and letting kids eat?

I feel a little shame to know about this; that some people begrudge visiting kids a few sweets.

I feel like there only needs to be a diagram and this hits the jackpot on Mumsnet bingo.

Actually, there also needs to be a MIL in there.

I'm loving all the posters saying it's an overreaction to complain that children have taken something from a room they weren't even allowed in but someone drops a quid on the ground on a public foot path and someone else finds it then a terrible terrible crime has been committed!