To think this is stealing?

[Dontgiveaflyingfuck]

Dd1 (9) had two siblings for a play date yesterday (9 and 10). My only rule is that my bedroom is out of bounds. I asked dd1 to fetch me my sewing kit from my room - what i later found out is one or both of the siblings followed her in and ate some of my sweets. Dd1 is autistic so cannot easily lie and rarely breaks rules so i believe her when she said she didn't touch anything.

I spoke to the other mum this morning and said i wasn't sure which of her kids had stolen but i thought she'd want to know. She laughed and said its not stealing just sweets. Surely going somewhere you are not allowed and removing something is stealing? Or AIBU? I'd be furious if it was mine! Fair enough a 2 year old but surely by 9 and 10 you should know what not to touch.

Umm no. Stealing is generally considered dishonest taking. Generally speaking in polite society, all food stuffs that are readily available for consumption (e.g. Not that vintage port hiding in the back of your cupboard or any port where children are concerned for that matter) are expected to be offered to guests. It's likely that their house operates on this premise so there was nothing dishonest about helping themselves, just rude.

If they were in a sealed tub, out of sight I’d be suspicious that it was some else who’s had their hand in the tub. Do you have a dh or other person in the house who may have eaten the? When was the last time you checked the exact amount in the tub? Your dd must know exactly who was in the room with her and whether they took the sweets or not.

DancingDragon If not accusing a 10yo for being a thief over having a couple of sweets renders me with a "poor moral compass" then so be it. Please steer clear of insinuating anything about my children, you firstly have no idea if I actually do have any or that I even can have any. You do seem rather to be erring on the side of condescending and patronisation in order to make your counter points which I suppose means you can't grasp any other view other than your own. How sad. I couldn't imagine a life in which I could render someone's children with 'no hope' over a couple of sweets but there we go.

You could always report them to the police if you consider it theft

I wouldnt accuse a ten year old of being a thief. I would make sure they knew what was right and wrong and i wouldn't laugh it off like you clearly would. The rest of the points about you, still not looking that great really. You dont bath yourself in glory thats for sure.

You dont bath yourself in glory thats for sure.

If that's in your eyes then I'd consider that actually a compliment. In the future whenever you post or indeed even have human interaction with someone that has a different viewpoint than yours: Talk the issue, don't make it personal.

Has anyone addressed the fact that these'sweets' kept in a tub on a high shelf in a bedroom might not have been sweets in some circumstances?
I have a reative who cant be bothered with foil wrapped tablets and gets her DH to open them all at once and put them into a medicine box. They are all sorts of shapes and colours. You might not expect 9 and 10 year olds to eat random tablets but then again you might not expect them to go hunting in a strange adults bedroon and to eat anything they found.
Im not too sure I would label it as stealing but I would be very angry that the children had poked around where they had been told not to go.

Talk the issue, don't make it personal.

Indeed. And you should take your own advice

And you should take your own advice.

Ha! That's an interesting approach. Appropriating my words to create your straw man. Well done! That's hilarious! Haven't seen that since I was at university

The Op doesn’t have the house rule that you help yourself therefore it is stealing, regardless of what the rules at home are they weren’t at home. Wait until you are offered when not at a familiar house.

Vlad you are actually coming across as really rude. I’d stop now to be honest.

Of course it's stealing. It's taking without permission.

Taking without permission is stealing, but it does depend on how the children were brought up.
I consider a 9/10 year old should be sufficiently aware that taking sweets when not invited to do do, equals stealing. End of!!

ttbb

Really

So as far as you are concerned any food anywhere in the house is open season for anyone in the house?

Where do you live so i can pop round, ..no reason for me to ask, ive just had a ripple. Which in our house is kept in dh wardrobe...out of my line of sight

Wait until you are offered when not at a familiar house.

This is exactly it. Even if children are allowed to help themselves at home they should know how to moderate their behaviour and conduct themselves in other peoples homes.

QuackPorridgeBacon I am indeed the rude one because it was of course me that suggested to another poster whose fertility or parental status I know nothing about that their children "have no hope" due to their "poor moral compass." I agree, I am the rude one here. Especially so as it was me that also conflated sexual assault with taking sweets and indeed me that would consider a child a thief for taking a sweet and reporting them to their parents for 'stealing'. I am indeed the one in the wrong, or rather, rude one here.

I also want a stock of sweets, just for me, in my bedroom!

Oh this is petty. Continue please.

Perhaps it's a cultural issue? Not sure

I think it might be. It does seem so appalling English to accuse guest children of stealing with such venom, and making slurs on the character of their parents, for eating a bloody sweet!
In other cultures you would be incredibly in the wrong for not offering your sweets to guests, and aspersions would be cast on your character for hiding them away from people!

Ttbb
Food in an adults bedroom up on a high shelf out of kids reach in a closed box is by nobodys stretch of imagination "readily available for consumption" dont be so ridiculous.

If they really were on a high shelf out of kids reach in a sealed box then how did they get them? And how did they know they were there? OP didn't mention the room was burgled so it sounds more and more likely like her own child gave the children the sweets, or at the very least told them they were there.
It's not very likely that they just happened to climb on the bed and happen to then clamber up and find the hidden sweets, is it?

Fuck me!
So I entertain someone elses kids, feed them snacks and juice and perhaps a meal but thats not good enough. I am supposed to give them my own particular sweets that i keep as a treat just for me in a rare quiet moment.
I didn't know parents were not allowed sweets of thier own. You learn something new every day.

I am sure op fed the kids a snack while they were there. There was no need to be grabbing something they knew full well they shouldn't have. Dont tell me 9 & 10yr olds dont know this.

you haven't explained how they got them.
Doesn't add up as painted anyway.

don't think much of you keeping candy in your room for your own consumption, either. Do you keep other food in your room that's off limits to the rest of your family?
Jeez I just read why she keeps sweets in the bedroom. Even madder! Surely the answer is not to make sweets into such a big treat or just get rid of them all together. It's all very controlling.
wtf can op not have her own sweets in ger own bedroom?
Does everything have to be family Things?
Controlling, for wanting one thing for herself?
Can op not have anything to herself then?
So by this then i suppose op could ho herself to her kids chocolate and candy as its all fair gain?

Could help herself *