Surestart sexism

[LeCroissant]

I just got this sent to me by email from Surestart (identifying details blocked out).

When I was at surestart with my kids, a few years ago now, most sessions were, of course, attended by women. Chairs were deliberately kept sparse in order to force mothers to stand up and play with their children. No hot drinks were allowed. No unhealthy food was allowed. At all times we were to demonstrate what good parents we were by never taking our eyes off the children, no matter how tired we were. I once had to go home from the local surestart centre because the two chairs that were available were taken I had nowhere to sit to feed my newborn.

And yet, for the men's session (run at the weekend of course, because we know that men work during the week and women don't) there's coffee, bacon sandwiches and fucking newspapers!!! AIBU to think this is fucking ridiculous?

Actually the referral was dd’s she dropped below the 2nd centile. I’m not sure (or care) what your family set ups are, but my dd has 2 parents.

MN really is an amazing place, I guess 15minutes is all the pp need to replace all the knowledge, expertise and training skill of the health care professionals. Dw is a professional in her own right, we have equity in our marriage and she has been my closest and most trusted friend for 2 decades. We’re both successful and support each other first but we’re also self assured enough to accept help from paid experts.

Breast latching was not the only part of the two sessions (although we were shown how an extra pair of hands can help). We also went through bottles and pumps too, all specific to DD’s needs.

So it wasn’t actually a breast feeding peer suppor session you attended then?

NewDaddie, you did not need to be in the room, your wife did. You are horrible. You do not need to know how to pump breast milk or make a latch. You think that your "rights" trump the rights of women to be able to talk and be open when they are vulnerable.

I for one am glad men are here on MN to explain how important they are to BF. Thrilled to hear they don't stop at MN and are attending groups too.

My husband is an essential and equal part of raising our three children. Yet breastfeeding is something in which he does not play much more than a supporting role.

true learn to read. there were no vulnerable women there.* There were other women’s only sessions.* And I trust the judgment of the health professionals who told me to attend over some anonymous twat on MN

sock no it was a workshop.* Peer interaction was obviously encouraged but the focus was with the health care professionals.*

I’m not sure (or care) what your family set ups are, but my dd has 2 parents.

So? That doesn’t mean you get to invade a women’s space. My set up is I have a DH who doesn’t think the world revolves round him. And understand why babies are referred to clinics, having had my DD referred but thanks** for the mansplain but why do you need to be present in the room when other women are there trying to resolve personal medical issues?

The world revolves around my dd. She’s a future leader, but I think you missed that memo.

there were no vulnerable women there

1. Did you ask them all their personal situations?

1. Breastfeeding struggles area medical need. A woman seeking medical help is a vulnerable woman

God the entitlement of some men is so gross!

The world revolves around my dd. She’s a future leader, but I think you missed that memo.

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Glad to see you’ve kept your humour.

Hope your DD is never a vulnerable breastfeeding mother, Little does she knows that that’s where the respect ends

YOU don't get to decide whether the women there were vulnerable or not. Not that you would care obviously as long as you got to do what you wanted.

And then you call women who suggest you shouldn't have been there 'twats'. Maybe that's why women there didn't feel comfortable saying they didn't want you there.

A nhs funded workshop sounds like a good idea but it’s not something that any children’s centre I’ve ever heard of does (I work in them across 3 counties)

Does your area have particularly good breast feeding support? As it’s not anything I’ve ever heard of and I’ve just mentioned it to a friend of mine whose an infant feeding coordinator who has just said to me that if one area is doing it and has funding it would be worth looking into as perhaps it could be replicated in other areas

Cherry we were too busy getting hands on training for dd’s ankylosglossia to conduct a survey.

The official policy of the children’s centres in the area I cover is

“Men are welcome to attend breast feeding peer support sessions but the women will be asked when they arrive if it’s ok and if they say no he will be gently encouraged not to stay”

This pisses me off because why should either the man or the woman be put in that uncomfortable situation

So you had no idea who was vulnerable? You just assumed? Even non-vulnerable women deserve a bit of privacy BTW.

Did you get given the cutting it choice new dad?

And YY never heard of training for tongue tie, they usually just snip them.

Me and DH have just spent 12 weeks in neonatal, we ended up needing oxygen and CPR training.

It was a small unit so one big room, whenever any mother was BF and there was no screens available he went out into the waiting room.

He wouldn't of dreamed of making anyone feel uncomfortable during a difficult time.

Surely that is just good manners? the other dad's did the same it was just an unspoken thing.

Cherry I’m not sure if it’s the same for all areas but if it’s not detected quite soon it can lead to it being delayed till past 12 weeks and in all the areas I work you cannot get it cut after 12 weeks on the nhs

Sock it’s London. Hv attended every session but Lactation consultant and mw attended alternately.

Surestart are actually really good here they have sessions for IAPT, dietitians, welfare and benefits and housing. There is at least one women’s only session per month for most things.

But no fucking bacon

That’s crap socks I’m quite lucky where I am!

Socks - not just an nhs bf session - a specialist session for tongue tied babies. Which included bottle feeding. Which I didn’t think tongue ties affects but could be wrong.

Newdaddie I’m fascinated with which nhs trust has all this cash not only to run the groups but to staff them entirely with HCPs.

The latch on group I ran was staffed by two peer supporters and a health care assistant - lower than a health visitor so not really HCPs by any stretch.

The only groups I can think of that might have involved an hcp, and support with breast and bottle would be the ante natal classes. Unless it was nct bumps and babes but again no HCPs there

Hope NewDaddie’s daughter doesn’t grow up with any vulnerabilities or any needs that require her to need a female only space.

God knows what the poor women at that group thought.

Pm me and I'll be happy to pass on the details of who to contact socks

queen a bf workshop with at least one HV at every single session. Not exclusively tongue tie again pm me and I'll be happy to pass on the details.

Happy to help you both. If you can learn and improve from this, it might actually make this train wreck of a thread worthwhile.

I still haven't received my bacon