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Original poster

How to get out of something that I didnt agree to?

999 replies

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 18/10/2017 15:59

I am very close friends with a group of 5 ladies, known each other since high school.
We all have children ranging from the ages of 1-6.

Friend 1s child started reception this year and has joined the PTA aswell. Friend 2 & 3 already have children at this school. Friend 1 is the only one on the PTA.

Friend 2 has just text me, saying she didnt know I was offering a prize at the christmas fair.

Me: What?
F2: One of the raffle prizes is a colour & cut at KungFus Salon.
Me : Must be an error and mean another salon.

Cue a whatsapp message of friend 3, with a screenshot of the flyer and the message "kept this quiet. Its lovely of you though"

In the flyer it mentions how the school will be grateful for donations etc etc, raffle tickets go on sale after the school holidays for X price. It then goes on to give a "sneak peek" for some prizes up for grabs and sure enough their is my bloody salon 3rd on the list offering a colour and cut.

Text F1 did she sign me up. Yes she did, that was her contribution (?!)
I asked F1 will she be paying for the voucher. She has responded No, she wont be because its for a good cause and the rest of the community has donated bits and bobs.

Now Im stuck.
I didnt agree to any of this and now leaflets have been given out advertising my salon donating one of the prizes.
All the money goes to the school so it is a good cause, but i just see it as my child doesn't attend that school or any school for that matter. This "donation" will leave me anywhere from £30-£45 out of pocket.

Would i look horrendous ringing the school up and explaining what has happened or shall I suck it up and just do it.

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 18/10/2017 18:12

Wanted to make a good impression with the other PTA Mums? Just not at her own expense eh! What kind of person actually does this?

sonjadog · 18/10/2017 18:16

I would text her and say that either she pays you the price of the voucher, or you will contact the school and withdraw. Give her the chance not to embarrass herself by paying for her "contribution". I´m usually easy-going but I wouldn´t just go along with this. She cannot offer up your time and money like this.

DO3271 · 18/10/2017 18:22

Wow. Gold star CF there OP. I would ask 'friend' for money as she see's it as her contribution. Doing it to impress other mums is a bit pathetic, it could well be expected every year! If she won't pay you contact the school. She can't whip up a voucher on Word. Hmm, she might actually try that!

verystressedmum · 18/10/2017 18:26

Wtf! Her contribution is offering your services that she’s not paying for??
Bloody hell never heard anything like it in my life!

If you do do it, put a clause that the booking will be for after Christmas.

Leeds2 · 18/10/2017 18:30

She has the option of "not looking like a fool" by giving you the money. Do not give in to her!

GracielaSabrocita · 18/10/2017 18:33

*I agree you should contact the school by email and copy in the PTA

State the “donation” is a hoax as you were never contacted, let alone make a donation

Explain you are now concerned about reputational damage should you not uphold the offer due to the false advertising of a service you never offered.

Ask them how they plan to address the matter

Put the ball in their court. Don’t be swayed by “its a good cause” arguments, because they are irrelevant. *

This. Forget the 'friend' who did this to you - there is nothing she can do to make it right (other than pay for it herself, which I am sure she will never do), so don't waste your time. Instead follow the above advice immediately, and also call the school 1st thing tomorrow to speak to the head teacher and check that he understands the urgency of the situation.

No one can judge a business badly for refusing to give in to such dreadful behaviour.

Funnyface1 · 18/10/2017 18:33

So she's volunteered you without asking. Making your contribution to her child's school around £50 and hers none? Unbelievable. Get her told.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 18/10/2017 18:33

I'd be going ballistic at her and hang the friendship - friends don't pull outrageous stunts like this. Call the school and put them straight. She's not fit to be on the PTA either - clearly can't be trusted.

PhuntSox · 18/10/2017 18:37

Will your children go to the school?

FruitCider · 18/10/2017 18:37

Text the friend and outline in no uncertain terms the problem and the desired resolution.

“I’m very angry that you have promised the raffle a cut and colour from my salon worth £x on my behalf. I did not give you to permission to do this and I’m certainly not going to bail you out. You need to pay £x for the voucher by x time/x date or I will be contacting the head at the school and the PTA to explain what you have done and inform them about what you have done”.

Do not be fobbed off. Give a short deadline eg midday tomorrow. If she does not pay then follow through. She needs to know this is not ok.

lanbro · 18/10/2017 18:37

Hmm, I agree that it is beyond cheeky but...

I regularly donate vouchers to local causes for my two businesses, maybe only half ever get redeemed. The other half tend to develop into regular customers so we feel it is worth it

Thiscantreallybehappening · 18/10/2017 18:40

Friend 1 is totally out of order but it is now a difficult situation. The way I see it you have 2 options.

If you value the friendship group and don't want to split it or cause tension/argument. You could say that on this occasion you will honour it BUT the treatment will have to be done after Christmas because before Christmas is unrealistic and your diary is already packed. Also make sure the prize is for a cut and all over colour (but foils are not included) as presumably this would be a lot more money. Then make it very clear to friend 1 that under no circumstances does she every volunteer your services again without asking you first.

Option 2 - Tell your friend that she is totally out of order and that your salon is not in a position just before Christmas to donate this prize and that she can either tell the school what she has done or you will. That will more than likely fracture the friendship group.

OP I think it is down to how strongly you feel about friend 1, the friendship group and what she has done. She has taken you for granted and made assumptions without having the decency to speak to you first.

Seti · 18/10/2017 18:41

Text and say you love giving to charity, which is why you have some of your own choice that you donate to regularly. Say not sure what's happened here but you're not offering it.

Thiscantreallybehappening · 18/10/2017 18:43

Just thought of option 3 - get the school to change the details to a cut only.

Fitzsimmons · 18/10/2017 18:43

I agree with PP. You should phone the school. It will probably be the end of your friendship though.

AnUtterIdiot · 18/10/2017 18:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HolyShet · 18/10/2017 18:44

She WHAT?

Ring and tell the PTA the prize was fraudulently offered without your knowledge or agreement. What do they propose to do about it without damaging the reputation of your business?

GlitteryFluff · 18/10/2017 18:48

Wtf is wrong with people?! Who does that?

hippyhippyshake · 18/10/2017 18:48

But why didn't she contact you straight away after making the offer? That what a friend would have done. She could have just explained to you she wanted to look good in front of her new mates and offered you the cash equivalent. Then everyone would be happy. You would get free advertising and she would look good. I agree with the post about contacting the school and saying it was a hoax.

Butterymuffin · 18/10/2017 18:49

Contact the school in the morning. Just don't reply now to her. She'll think you're not going to do anything. Then tell the school exactly what's happened and either use FrancisCrawford's wording, putting the ball in their court to resolve, OR say you can offer a more modest prize (eg a cut and style from Jan onwards etc as people have suggested) and you'll do that on condition the PTA speak to her and make it clear this is totally unacceptable.

Xmasbaby11 · 18/10/2017 18:50

I'd probably ask to change it to a cut as p.p. has suggested. Much less of your time used up.

I do agree it's incredibly cheeky and I'd be fuming at the friend.

When I won a voucher I discovered a new salon and so they got a new customer out of it - hope this happens to you if it goes ahead.

HolyShet · 18/10/2017 18:50

Your kid Doesn't. Even. Go. To. The. School.

Fucking hell, the nerve

Original poster
KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 18/10/2017 18:50

phunt i dont have to worry about my child attending school for another 3 years.

Still no response. F2 and F3 cant believe she pulled this stunt. She does have history for wanting to be the person who can "hook" you up or knows a person who can do a deal - but never at somebody elses expense.

I am furious with F1, but I dont think i could embarrass her like that by notifying PTA and school that shes a lying cheeky mare.
I was thinking of ringing the school and notifying them that i think F1 made a mistake and I wasnt donating a CC i was offering another treatment instead and could they rectify this mistake ASAP.

OP posts:
Giraffey1 · 18/10/2017 18:51

I’m with those who say phone the school, say you have seen the flier but that you have no knowledge of the offer, and are not in any position to make such off. Say if you had been approached, you would have had to decline. Ask them what they are going to do to put things right, and ensure your reputation doesn’t suffer as a consequence.

dorislessingscat · 18/10/2017 18:55

TBH I think she needs to suffer the consequences or else she will never learn. She still has the option of giving you the money herself remember.

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