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Original poster

How to get out of something that I didnt agree to?

999 replies

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 18/10/2017 15:59

I am very close friends with a group of 5 ladies, known each other since high school.
We all have children ranging from the ages of 1-6.

Friend 1s child started reception this year and has joined the PTA aswell. Friend 2 & 3 already have children at this school. Friend 1 is the only one on the PTA.

Friend 2 has just text me, saying she didnt know I was offering a prize at the christmas fair.

Me: What?
F2: One of the raffle prizes is a colour & cut at KungFus Salon.
Me : Must be an error and mean another salon.

Cue a whatsapp message of friend 3, with a screenshot of the flyer and the message "kept this quiet. Its lovely of you though"

In the flyer it mentions how the school will be grateful for donations etc etc, raffle tickets go on sale after the school holidays for X price. It then goes on to give a "sneak peek" for some prizes up for grabs and sure enough their is my bloody salon 3rd on the list offering a colour and cut.

Text F1 did she sign me up. Yes she did, that was her contribution (?!)
I asked F1 will she be paying for the voucher. She has responded No, she wont be because its for a good cause and the rest of the community has donated bits and bobs.

Now Im stuck.
I didnt agree to any of this and now leaflets have been given out advertising my salon donating one of the prizes.
All the money goes to the school so it is a good cause, but i just see it as my child doesn't attend that school or any school for that matter. This "donation" will leave me anywhere from £30-£45 out of pocket.

Would i look horrendous ringing the school up and explaining what has happened or shall I suck it up and just do it.

OP posts:
QuackDuckQuack · 18/10/2017 17:49

If she doesn’t want to look a fool and you value her friendship then let her pay for her generous donation. It gives her the option of saving face, but at her cost. If you’re not fussed about the relationship then go ahead and call the pta.

Redglitter · 18/10/2017 17:50

now im going too make her look a fool if i dont follow through/ring the school

Tough! If you do decide to make a donation I would contact the school or head of PTA and make it clear you knew nothing about the offer but will honour it or offer X as a replacement. Make sure you contact them.so she can't twist the truth and make you look bad

MintyChops · 18/10/2017 17:50

Cheeky fucker!! What does F3 make of it? I'm with the people saying you need to get the £££ from her by, say, Friday or you will be contacting the school. And she is a very bad friend.

Willow2017 · 18/10/2017 17:50

F1 said the voucher was her contribution there for she has to honour her part by paying for it.

Why would someone offer something then expect someone else to pay for it for them?

diddl · 18/10/2017 17:50

Wouldn't helping her out be her at least paying for materials & you giving your time free/half price or something?

Just contact the school.

She's only trying to make herself look good.

OnionKnight · 18/10/2017 17:51

I'd be telling school.

I don't care if it makes her look like an idiot.

FrancisCrawford · 18/10/2017 17:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LannieDuck · 18/10/2017 17:52

"She has responded to F3 that she didnt think I would mind in helping her out. I help others out (yeah, i do. Because they normally bloody ask first!) She wanted to make a good impression with the other PTA mums, and now im going too make her look a fool if i dont follow through/ring the school."

I would be inclined to reply (via the whatsapp group) that you felt bad the school was being left short a gift due to F1's actions, so you called them to say that F1 is going to offer a £50 cash prize in lieu of the cut+colour. You know it'll be ok with F1 since it's a good cause :)

FairNotFair · 18/10/2017 17:53

now im going too make her look a fool if i dont follow through

"Follow through" with what, though? You didn't start this. She did. She can't push it onto you.

dollieollie · 18/10/2017 17:53

I would ask her outright if she intends to pay you the full amount of what the prize is worth. If she says no then go to the school say that someone (offer no names as it’ll look like you knew about it before hand) has offered that prize and you no nothing about it and have not given your permission for it to be included in the raffle and what do they intend to do about it. Who your CF ‘friend’ thinks she is I don’t know!

LannieDuck · 18/10/2017 17:54

... but more realistically, she should definitely pay for the voucher. And ask you in advance next time.

Turquoise123 · 18/10/2017 17:54

Can they give you some useful publicity ? New clients...?

But yes very very cheeky - frankly odd.

Alvinstail · 18/10/2017 17:54

Bloody Hell!!!

She’s a cheeky mare. God only knows what she would have u doing if u agreed to this!!!!

MumW · 18/10/2017 17:55

I think I would email the PTA chair and the head and explain that F1 has put you in a very difficult/embarassing position. She has offered a cut and colour at your salon as her contribution to the raffle. However, she seems to think that you will supply her with a gift voucher for nothing. You are a bit embarassed as, whilst you are all for supporting fundraisers, this isn't your child's school, the voucher wasn't hers to gift if she wasn't planning to buy it from you and you are afraid that your business isn't profitable enough for such a generous donation. As a compromise, could you offer them a voucher at a discounted rate and suggest they discuss it with F1 as she won't engage with you.
Or sign her up for 3 months ironing/50 hours babysitting/or somesuch.

BarryTheKestrel · 18/10/2017 17:56

What an absolute CT!

BarryTheKestrel · 18/10/2017 17:56

*CF

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 18/10/2017 17:58

"...She has responded to F3 that she didnt think I would mind in helping her out. I help others out (yeah, i do. Because they normally bloody ask first!) She wanted to make a good impression with the other PTA mums, and now im going too make her look a fool if i dont follow through/ring the school."

I have been involved with charity raffles/draws in the past, and dh used to donate a particular prize. I knew that, if he could donate, he would - but even so, I never promised this prize - I would say that he'd donated X in the past, and I would ask if he could donate it again. That is what your 'friend' should have done.

I think it is very telling that she has not responded directly to you. That would make me very cross, and I would be contacting the school directly to explain she had NO right to offer the prize, and to insist that this is made clear to the PTA and that there are no repercussions for you.

Frankly, if she didn't want to look like a fool, she shouldn't have offered this prize without doing you the courtesy of asking you!!

Whocansay · 18/10/2017 17:58

She didn't think you wouldn't mind and would be happy to help. She thought if it was presented as a fait accompli you'd just do it anyway. She wants you to pay to make herself look good. And she isn't even sorry. What an utter bitch. And now she's trying to apply peer pressure by moaning to others and refusing to talk to you. Fuck her. Just phone the school and say no (or if you do want to help, as PPs have said, offer a cut and blow dry for after Xmas with 2 weeks notice).

Gazelda · 18/10/2017 17:59

She’s got 2 choices - continue to abuse the good nature of a friend, or look a fool in front of the PTA and school.
If she takes the first choice, she’ll lose you as a friend anyway, and you’ll be contacting the school to explain what has happened = she looks a fool anyway.
She’s in a lose/lose. All of her own making. And her cowardice must be making you think even less of her.

diddl · 18/10/2017 18:01

If she doesn't want to look a fool, all she has to do is give Op £50 or so.

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/10/2017 18:04

Can one of the stipulations be it is only valid in January? Freebies in December are madness. And yes, perhaps she should pay for the cut or at least half.

Willow2017 · 18/10/2017 18:05

What MumW said. Very polite but drops cf right in it Smile

Willow2017 · 18/10/2017 18:07

Mummy
Why shouldnt CF pay for it all? She is claiming she is giving the voucher as HER prize therefor she should have bought the damm thing herself. Its not up to OP to be paying for someone elses donation to a school she has no ties with.

CopperHandle · 18/10/2017 18:07

"Hi F1, I'd appreciate you contacting me back about this asap.
This raffle prize is going to set me back a minimum of £45 which I'm not in the position to be donating.
Could you please reimburse me this or withdraw the prize from the raffle.

Kung Fu"

luckyDuvet · 18/10/2017 18:08

I can't believe that your friend isn't offering to just buy the voucher! I certainly would rather than look like such a twat to all the PTA crowd.