How to get out of something that I didnt agree to?

[KungFuPandaWorksOut16]

I am very close friends with a group of 5 ladies, known each other since high school.
We all have children ranging from the ages of 1-6.

Friend 1s child started reception this year and has joined the PTA aswell. Friend 2 & 3 already have children at this school. Friend 1 is the only one on the PTA.

Friend 2 has just text me, saying she didnt know I was offering a prize at the christmas fair.

Me: What?
F2: One of the raffle prizes is a colour & cut at KungFus Salon.
Me : Must be an error and mean another salon.

Cue a whatsapp message of friend 3, with a screenshot of the flyer and the message "kept this quiet. Its lovely of you though"

In the flyer it mentions how the school will be grateful for donations etc etc, raffle tickets go on sale after the school holidays for X price. It then goes on to give a "sneak peek" for some prizes up for grabs and sure enough their is my bloody salon 3rd on the list offering a colour and cut.

Text F1 did she sign me up. Yes she did, that was her contribution (?!)
I asked F1 will she be paying for the voucher. She has responded No, she wont be because its for a good cause and the rest of the community has donated bits and bobs.

Now Im stuck.
I didnt agree to any of this and now leaflets have been given out advertising my salon donating one of the prizes.
All the money goes to the school so it is a good cause, but i just see it as my child doesn't attend that school or any school for that matter. This "donation" will leave me anywhere from £30-£45 out of pocket.

Would i look horrendous ringing the school up and explaining what has happened or shall I suck it up and just do it.

But why would the OP want to offer a compromise?
Maybe because she has a "very close" friendship with F1/ CF.

Placemarking again, this thread is brilliant. OP you've handled it perfectly so far! Can't wait to see what PTA head has to say.

I want a raffle ticket!! I have really short hair so no up do possible

Win/win for us 😂

CF doesn't see the friendship as 'very close' if she was happy to offer her close friend's money to CF's kids school, and would not even chip in herself, while taking all the credit.

How odd, Bit.

yoni thank you!

Bit, you can't suggest F1 didn't have time to reply to OP when she found time to send aggressive messages asking if she was going to donate or not; and when she was able to communicate with F2 and F3. Further, she had plenty of time to communicate before she made the offer in the first place. There was a perfectly sensible compromise on the table involving her paying a third of the cost, which she didn't want to contemplate because she had decided OP had to pay all of it. I don't understand what other compromise you think OP should have offered?

That may be so Katharin She behaved badly and was indeed a cheeky fucker. It was ridiculously presumptuous of her to offer someone else's wares in her name as it were. And for the PTA FFS! I mean, I support ours because my kids go to the school but as good causes go it's not Cancer Research is it?!
But I suspect that F1 (as many people seem to do) didn't actually think it through and didn't see the OP as losing out on money. Maybe she even more cheekily thought that OP could well afford it. All really poor form.
But I wouldn't have ignored the txt from F1, I would have used that as an opportunity to state my position and I wouldn't have informed the HT.

BitOutOfPractice

I agree with what you have said 100%. It all happened very quickly, and also a lot gets 'lost in translation' with texting rather than speaking face to face. Personally I would have made sure I spoke to F1 somehow, before going to the school. I know that wasn't necessarily easy, but I would have had to have a really really good go at it before shafting a long term mate (even a CF one!).

BitOfANameChange Thu 19-Oct-17 13:33:19
Bit, the above makes it clear to me that F1 was not panicking at all, she just wants everyone else to pay for things. Seems she has form for this. I don't believe there's a misunderstanding here.

Um, did you just failed at name change and are now arguing with yourself?

I think the op was pushed over the edge by F1 suggesting it was the op being unreasonable. I highly doubt she took her cue from a bunch of strangers online.

Had F1 immediately contacted her to apologise profusely and at least offer to pay the suggested £15 then I am sure op would have honoured the prize despite having no say in it.

If F1 had handled the situation in a mature manner this could all have been avoided so she has nobody to blame but herself

Oh good lord she didn't steal. You'll be suggesting the police next!

Much more likely she said in a meeting something like "Oh my friend KungFu runs KungFu's HairDos and I'm sure she'll donate a cut and colour or something" and the person taking notes ran with it and she forgot all about it!

Except that SHE DIDNT did she?

If you read ops posts CF admitted quite proudly to OP that she had 'donated her services' as CF's donation and she had no problem with spending someone elses money and taking the credit for it.

If you donate a raffle prize you pay for it first! Its not difficult. Its like going into someones shop and taking goods and saying on the way out, "Just told the PTA I am giving them these candls, jewlery, handbags (whatever) as my donation to the Xmas raffle, see you!"

Its sealing goods/products and money from a business.

The possibility that PTA misunderstood and F1 just mentioned that she might ask her friend who has a hair saloon really doesn't match F1s behaviour.

Can you imagine yourself in her shoes if this had really happened:
OP: did you sign me up for this?
F1 who had made a mistake: Oh shit, sorry, have totally fucked up! I meant to ask you, and forgot. Of course will pay for this if you're willing to do it.

What does CF1 say instead? 'Yes, this was my contribution. No, I won't be paying. Don't you embarrass me in front of PTA!'

BitOfANameChange and BitOutOfPractice are two entirely different posters

No Katherina. I was just in he supermarket. I have no idea who that Bit is. I’ve never name changed in 10 years on mn. Sorry to disappoint

I realise my view is unpopular. I don’t really care about that tbh. Thought we were having a reasonable debate.

blatantly posting for the update

Just read the whole thread, Oh My, she was very naughty to do that.
If I was the PTA lady I would be grateful you still wanted to donate something.
Hope all goes well.

Oh goodness. I want to hear how your convo with the PTA chair goes.

Hashi I’ve been running my own business for 20 years and most of not all problems I’ve had have been sorted amicably with a phone call /face to face talk.* Maybe followed up in writing I agree. But this really wasn’t a business critical situation that requires going in at the top as a first option. It really wasn’t.*

I feel like I’ve stumbled into a case of mass hysteria.**

Sorry, my bit of a mistake, as one Bit was addressing another Bit. Will read more carefully in the future.

BitOutOfPractice

I think your problem is you are putting double asterisks either side of the bit you wand emboldened.

You only need single ones.

As you were folks - nothing to see here

*want, not wand

Easy mistake to make, in fact I suddenly realised it looked odd after I posted it

May revert to another name, now, this one is useful for a couple of things.