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AIBU?

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Original poster

How to get out of something that I didnt agree to?

999 replies

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 18/10/2017 15:59

I am very close friends with a group of 5 ladies, known each other since high school.
We all have children ranging from the ages of 1-6.

Friend 1s child started reception this year and has joined the PTA aswell. Friend 2 & 3 already have children at this school. Friend 1 is the only one on the PTA.

Friend 2 has just text me, saying she didnt know I was offering a prize at the christmas fair.

Me: What?
F2: One of the raffle prizes is a colour & cut at KungFus Salon.
Me : Must be an error and mean another salon.

Cue a whatsapp message of friend 3, with a screenshot of the flyer and the message "kept this quiet. Its lovely of you though"

In the flyer it mentions how the school will be grateful for donations etc etc, raffle tickets go on sale after the school holidays for X price. It then goes on to give a "sneak peek" for some prizes up for grabs and sure enough their is my bloody salon 3rd on the list offering a colour and cut.

Text F1 did she sign me up. Yes she did, that was her contribution (?!)
I asked F1 will she be paying for the voucher. She has responded No, she wont be because its for a good cause and the rest of the community has donated bits and bobs.

Now Im stuck.
I didnt agree to any of this and now leaflets have been given out advertising my salon donating one of the prizes.
All the money goes to the school so it is a good cause, but i just see it as my child doesn't attend that school or any school for that matter. This "donation" will leave me anywhere from £30-£45 out of pocket.

Would i look horrendous ringing the school up and explaining what has happened or shall I suck it up and just do it.

OP posts:
diddl · 19/10/2017 13:14

"Is it after lunch yet????!???"

It is for me-I've just eaten!Grin

StormTreader · 19/10/2017 13:18

It's beyond cheeky to just refuse to reply to any messages in the hope that the OP will just give away their own time and money to "not be difficult", I hope shes royally dressed down by the PTA and learns a valuable lesson about being "generous" with other peoples stuff!

BitOutOfPractice · 19/10/2017 13:19

“OP didn't intentionally ignore F1's texts/calls last night, she was in bed.”

Oh come on now! She cane here to tell us she’d ignored at least the first 3!!

Anyway, I’m going to say this one last time. I’m not condoning anything F1 did. Nor have I. I’m just saying I wouldn’t have handled it like KungFu handled (both for the sake of a long standing friendship and my business) and I don’t think KungFu would’ve been quite so gung-ho if it weren’t for the reactions on this thread, some of which were frankly ridiculous in their extremity.

I think GungHoKungFu would make an excellent screen name Grin

GirlInASwirl · 19/10/2017 13:19

Can't believe the cheek of it! She should cover all the costs of the appointment so that you are not out of pocket. I would make the most of the appointment when it comes though by seeing if the client would have some shots taken of her 'charity hairdo'. This could go on your publicity material. Its about making a positive out of being dropped in it.

BewareOfDragons · 19/10/2017 13:23

It will be interesting to see if the PTA Chair is a sensible soul or a CF as well. Will she immediately tell OP she'll have a word with F1 and graciously accept the offer of a donated updo as a prize, or will she see an 'in' and try to pressure OP into doing more at her own cost, just as F1 did?

Hopefully, the prior.

Willow2017 · 19/10/2017 13:23

CF1 wasnt too busy to keep txting F2 & F3 to ask what OP was doing or to decline thier generous offer to pitch in and pay for the voucher and continue to demand op pay for it was she?

BitOutOfPractice · 19/10/2017 13:24

Aaaaaargh I’m saying I would have done it face to face. Not in writing. I wouldn’t have involved the ht. I would have offered a compromise that was a win win for all. And I wouldn’t have done the passive aggressive texting then ignoring thing with my friend. So I think that’s pretty different. But hey, like I say, just my opinion.

chocatoo · 19/10/2017 13:24

I will start by saying that OP is absolutely in the right and CF has been very very...well cheeky.

BUT...I was at the hairdresser recently: the boss directed the junior as to what colour to mix, the junior put my colour on (absolutely fine by me) and washed it off after the boss had a quick peek to agree that I was cooked. The boss cut and styled my hair. With the best will in the world the cut and style took 20 minutes at the most (I appreciate that it would take a bit longer for some hair). That's fine: I pay for her expertese and I like how she cuts my hair...but what I'm trying to say is that if it's clear, as PPs have suggested, that it's just a simple colour and cut on offer, and after the busy xmas rush, well if I was in a position where I was able to help a mate out by doing something like that, and for a good cause, I would (and I think OP would probably have had she been asked nicely first!)...but I would expect a v big thank you from FI and an acknowledgement that she set about it all in completely the wrong way and has behaved twattishly since.
I just wouldn't want the OP to look back and regret the loss of someone who she describes as a very close friend who she has known since school days (even if she is a friend who needs educating about how not to be a CF!!).

Ellendegeneres · 19/10/2017 13:27

Lunch is over. Baby is awake and throwing cars around, it's mumsnet catch up time. Come back and update please op!

teaandtoast · 19/10/2017 13:27

Bit - looks like you're using too many asterisks?

KanyeWesticle · 19/10/2017 13:27

Well played OP, nicely done.

OverlyYappy · 19/10/2017 13:28

Whst does CF stand for?

Well done op!!

BitOutOfPractice · 19/10/2017 13:28

Willow no. She was probably going “shit shit shit what have I done?!?” And trying to get some feedback from 2 and 3 before facing the music. I know lots of people (including lots of MNers) who openly admit to hating confrontation and who would’ve avoided those calls.

Come on, it’s a misunderstanding. Could’ve been so easily avoided if op - and yes cf - had just had a reasonable chat and come to an agreement. There was no need for the HT to be involved. Or a text war. Or any of the other OTT ideas suggested here. But this thread wanted F1 punished. And now she has been.

Incidentally I expect the HT has rolled her eyes at both OP AND F1 and thinks they’re both drama llamas.

KatharinaRosalie · 19/10/2017 13:29

But why would the OP want to offer a compromise? Her child doesn't even go to the school, she does not mention she had any plans to donate anything.

midnightmisssuki · 19/10/2017 13:29

Op I'm on a 10 minute break - any update?! Has PTA lady spoken to you? Is F1 is full panic mode yet? My meeting is soooooo boring and this thread is what's keeping me going! overinvested Grin

BitOutOfPractice · 19/10/2017 13:30

Teaandtoast yes it does doesn’t it.* I’m actually not though and it looks perfect on the screen before I hit “post”.* I feel a right twit!

GabsAlot · 19/10/2017 13:30

whats your hairdresser got to do with it choc?

if we'r going down that rroad i th8ink 20 mins is shockingly quick never had mine done in under 45

BitOutOfPractice · 19/10/2017 13:30

See what I mean? I didn’t even use asterisks them. I used the bold button on the app. I give up! Blush

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 19/10/2017 13:31

Bit - op doesn't know the PTA from Adam. She had to make the first contact somehow! And if I was PTA I wouldn't be handing out my phone number to ransoms without knowing why

Op has offered a compromise. If cf had responded she could have saved face. Op is still offering a bloody compromise by offering an up do

The only thing I agree on is maybe not sending one text then ignoring. But to be honest the cf deserved it. Again, if the cf hadn't been so passive aggressive the op wouldn't have responded.

You reap what you sow

zzzzz · 19/10/2017 13:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BitOfANameChange · 19/10/2017 13:33

I've also just found out F2&F3 each offered £15 each towards the "donation" so all F1 would have needed to do was put £15 towards. She refused apparently she needs to stand her ground because I am being unreasonable. Fuck that, im not being mrs nice now!

Bit, the above makes it clear to me that F1 was not panicking at all, she just wants everyone else to pay for things. Seems she has form for this. I don't believe there's a misunderstanding here.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 19/10/2017 13:33

Randoms not ransoms...

YoniHuman · 19/10/2017 13:34

overly CF is cheeky Fucker or another stronger C word depending on your preference.

HashiAsLarry · 19/10/2017 13:34

bit when communicating via business, especially on a matter such as false representation which in reality the PTA could get in trouble for in at least an advertising perspective, getting something in writing is often vital. Had this been a personal service then face to face may be better, but this involves business and technically a breach of laws regarding competitions.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 19/10/2017 13:35

Oh totally cf wasn't panicking. The only time she bothered responding was when she thought she personally would be effected. When it was just op out of pocket she couldn't care less