How to get out of something that I didnt agree to?

[KungFuPandaWorksOut16]

I am very close friends with a group of 5 ladies, known each other since high school.
We all have children ranging from the ages of 1-6.

Friend 1s child started reception this year and has joined the PTA aswell. Friend 2 & 3 already have children at this school. Friend 1 is the only one on the PTA.

Friend 2 has just text me, saying she didnt know I was offering a prize at the christmas fair.

Me: What?
F2: One of the raffle prizes is a colour & cut at KungFus Salon.
Me : Must be an error and mean another salon.

Cue a whatsapp message of friend 3, with a screenshot of the flyer and the message "kept this quiet. Its lovely of you though"

In the flyer it mentions how the school will be grateful for donations etc etc, raffle tickets go on sale after the school holidays for X price. It then goes on to give a "sneak peek" for some prizes up for grabs and sure enough their is my bloody salon 3rd on the list offering a colour and cut.

Text F1 did she sign me up. Yes she did, that was her contribution (?!)
I asked F1 will she be paying for the voucher. She has responded No, she wont be because its for a good cause and the rest of the community has donated bits and bobs.

Now Im stuck.
I didnt agree to any of this and now leaflets have been given out advertising my salon donating one of the prizes.
All the money goes to the school so it is a good cause, but i just see it as my child doesn't attend that school or any school for that matter. This "donation" will leave me anywhere from £30-£45 out of pocket.

Would i look horrendous ringing the school up and explaining what has happened or shall I suck it up and just do it.

How is it not stealing? The OP's friend didn't see the flyers going out and think 'Oh shit, they must have completely misunderstood what I said/got carried away, I'd better sort that out ASAP' did she? She ignored KungFu.

I'll just help myself to £50 from your purse for the next PTA raffle shall I then Bit? And you won't mind because it's just a bit of an oversight

Oh, I remember the free hairdos thread!

You're handling this brilliantly, OP. Your 'friend' is a cheeky baggage.

OP - I would tell the PTA person that its not really you she needs to talk to to resolve the situation, but CF1 who if she wants to donate the prize must pay for HER donation.

Aaaaaasasarhhhhhhrlpme i outlined what I might have done at 11:46.* Lots of other people have suggested more compromising options too.*

Sorry I’m having bold troubles

You are handling this brilliantly OP. This woman is something else!!

"What is it about a CF thread that has us all bouncing in our seats and reaching for popcorn?"

I suspect it is because we are so gobsmacked that someone can be so blatantly cheeky, and it is so far outside our own experience, @BadgersMadeMeDoIt.

"Much more likely she said in a meeting something like "Oh my friend KungFu runs KungFu's HairDos and I'm sure she'll donate a cut and colour or something" and the person taking notes ran with it and she forgot all about it!"

@BitOutOFPractice - I think you may be right about how the offer originally happened - but what makes F1 into a cheeky fucker is the way she reacted when @KungFu contacted her yesterday - no apology for having made the offer without prior consultation, expecting KungFu to offer an expensive service, at her own cost, during a busy time of year, whilst F1 gets all the kudos - and not even being willing to chip in £15 towards the cost.

And if you are right about how it happened, then the PTA needs to tighten up its procedures - as other people who are on PTAs have said, they shouldn't have advertised the prize until they had an actual voucher in their hands. If it really was just a vague offer from F1, then the PTA were a bit foolish to take it as a concrete one.

For me, the fact that they put it on the flyers means they are either a bit daft and naive, or F1 said it was a concrete prize offer, not just an 'I'll see IF KungFu will give a prize' type offer.

(placemarking)

None of this is of your making, therefore really shouldn't be your responsibility to put right.

However, I can understand minimising damage to your business - although that has ultimately guilt tripped you into giving a prize (which was the obvious intention in the first place, once it's happened you'd feel bad about saying no and go through with it).

What a CF.

What TheKitchenWitch said I think.

You could be all magnanimous and no one will be let down, but you should definitely speak to her about offering your services FOC without checking. And it probably wouldn't do any harm to let everyone know that F1 offered you up without asking first.

If your salon couldn't afford to carry it then that's another matter, but if it can, then don't let anyone else suffer for you (probably soon to be ex) friend's dickishness.

Sorry i realise i could just watch this thread but i have to settle down and join in. OP you have behaved wonderfully.

even if it was a mistake even if she got carrid away...

why hasnt she apologisd or offer to pay for it Bit? it seems odd u think kung has done the wrong thing emailing pta for trying to rectify this when shes already tried several times to contact cf

Your friend is a CF of the highest order did she really think she would get away with pulling a stunt like that.

STDG I have said repeatedly that I agree that F1 has behaved badly.* Though in fairness we don’t know that she wasn’t just genuinely busy yesterday when op was calling texting, rather than ignoring her. She didn’t exactly give her days to answer. (My guess is she was panicking). And by purposely ignoring her texts and calls back last night, op sort of lost that moral high ground anyway. If she’d genuinely wanted to sort this (rather than feed the drama / this thread) she could’ve done so last night.*

As for the service she offered, and when, all of that was up to be part of the compromise solution.* But this thread didn’t want a compromise solution, it needed drama.*

This blummin bold thing is really starting to get on my last nerve. It looks perfect when I type it. Apologies.

Anyone who can do this to someone they claim is a friend is not someone you want in your life OP.
Hold your head high you have handled the whole thing brilliantly.

Gabs I’m just giving an alternative viewpoint / saying what I would’ve done / musing on the nature of these sort of “live” threads.

Someone should go to the chair for this... and it shouldn't be the cut and colour winner

Is it after lunch yet????!???

Bit she wasn’t too busy to respond to f2 and f3 instead of op though was she.

This is all of f1s making. Op has taken very reasonable action to protect her and her business

We do know F1 was ignoring the OP and not genuinely busy, as OP knew F1 was in contact with F2 and F3 at the time.

OP didn't intentionally ignore F1's texts/calls last night, she was in bed.

F1 declined the "compromise solution" of each friend contributing £15.

Oops. Didn't see there was three more pages when I posted my moot point since everyone else has said similar .

OP had no choice. CF has already refused the solution of paying £15 and backed OP into a corner with her text “are you donating or not”.

Bit - but that's quite similar to what's happening. Op is having a phone chat with PTA. Whether she first contacted her via Facebook or email first isn't the important factor.

I disagree about the email. The cf dragged ops business into this mess. If she doesn't act if could have a detrimental effect on her company. Through no fault of her own. As she is not a parent of a child at the school, my first port of call would also be the head. It's the school advertising her business as a prize.

The email the op sent was a perfectly measured one considering what had happened.

And again, none of this had to happen had the cf responded to the op.

You personally would have a go at them the next time you saw them and then forget it. That's marvellous. But that's up to you. As I said before the friendship is firmly in the cfs court - as op has said she would like an apology. And if doesn't sound like cf even registers her cheeky fuckiness