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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to get out of something that I didnt agree to?

999 replies

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 18/10/2017 15:59

I am very close friends with a group of 5 ladies, known each other since high school.
We all have children ranging from the ages of 1-6.

Friend 1s child started reception this year and has joined the PTA aswell. Friend 2 & 3 already have children at this school. Friend 1 is the only one on the PTA.

Friend 2 has just text me, saying she didnt know I was offering a prize at the christmas fair.

Me: What?
F2: One of the raffle prizes is a colour & cut at KungFus Salon.
Me : Must be an error and mean another salon.

Cue a whatsapp message of friend 3, with a screenshot of the flyer and the message "kept this quiet. Its lovely of you though"

In the flyer it mentions how the school will be grateful for donations etc etc, raffle tickets go on sale after the school holidays for X price. It then goes on to give a "sneak peek" for some prizes up for grabs and sure enough their is my bloody salon 3rd on the list offering a colour and cut.

Text F1 did she sign me up. Yes she did, that was her contribution (?!)
I asked F1 will she be paying for the voucher. She has responded No, she wont be because its for a good cause and the rest of the community has donated bits and bobs.

Now Im stuck.
I didnt agree to any of this and now leaflets have been given out advertising my salon donating one of the prizes.
All the money goes to the school so it is a good cause, but i just see it as my child doesn't attend that school or any school for that matter. This "donation" will leave me anywhere from £30-£45 out of pocket.

Would i look horrendous ringing the school up and explaining what has happened or shall I suck it up and just do it.

OP posts:
kuniloofdooksa · 18/10/2017 21:48

I think melj's is mostly good except that I wouldn't use the "Unfortunately there appears to have been a miscommunication somewhere as..." bit. It wasn't a miscommunication it was a deliberate lie.

I would substitute:
"As I have not agreed to donate this prize myself I initially assumed that someone would be buying a voucher from me to donate themselves as the prize. Having investigated, I find that actually the plan was to emotionally blackmail me into donating more than I can possibly afford. I cannot go along with this."

ArchchancellorsHat · 18/10/2017 21:50

Yes, it's not a typo on anyone's part, it wasn't an honest mistake on CF1's part. Make it clear that she volunteered your time and materials without asking or even informing you; the first you knew of it was when you saw the flyer, and F1 has absolutely refused to pay. You're worried now about your professional reputation. Make it really difficult for her to spin it to make you look like the unreasonable one because it sounds like she'll try.

OldEnglishSheepDog · 18/10/2017 21:50

You see this is why I avoid the PTA like the plague. Please don't do it OP - she'll see it as a victory and do it again.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 18/10/2017 21:51

Yes to kuniloofdooksa!

Anything ambiguous cf can get out of it saying you've had a falling out, it's a misunderstanding

Make it abundantly clear. It's no fucking mistake. Or miscommunication. Cf thought she could emotionally blackmail you into donating your time and money. I would also say something about being extremely upset your business is going to suffer negative publicity

Save the texts too

Then she literally has no come back to it.

Frege · 18/10/2017 21:51

I wouldn't say there's been a miscommunication- there hasn't, and it makes it sound as if there was confusion on both sides which isn't the case. I would also be completely straight with the PTA about F1 having put forward this prize without asking you.

Your friend's behaviour is beyond outrageous. I would be furious.

Fixmylife · 18/10/2017 21:51

I think you need to get her DH to do the cut and colour then!

melj1213 · 18/10/2017 21:51

mel ohh I like that, sounds much more professional than mine.

No problem Smile TBH it's not that it's more professional than yours -
which was X-posted with mine - more just that my structure is telling them the situation and how you want to solve it, rather than asking them, which is your right as it is your business on the line here. I would also add something on the end of any message you send for them to acknowledge the receipt of the message and inform you of the outcome (That your details have been removed/that the flyers will be amended/that they will discuss with the PTA board whether buying the voucher outright is a viable option for them etc)

Your services were voluntold without your permission or knowledge, therefore you are well within your rights to just pull the "donation" altogether. But, by giving the PTA your preferred outcome (or two choices of how to proceed) you are showing that you are willing to work with them out of your own goodwill to come to a mutually beneficial outcome which is above and beyond what you are obligated to do whilst also highlighting the fact that their donation process has flaws in that services can be offered without the actual businesses permission.

Original poster
KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 18/10/2017 21:51

This is what i have sent to the head of the PTA.

Hi X,
Im Kung owner of X salon.
A few of my friends children attend X school, in which you are the chair of the PTA.
It has came to my attention that my salon has been listed for contributing a cut and colour for the christmas fair. From my understanding F1 is a member of the PTA and has put this donation forward.
Unfortunately there appears to have been a miscommunication somewhere as I have not donated this prize nor have I been approached about this.

Whilst I am unable to offer the stated service, as a gesture of goodwill and to prevent any negative publicity to my business from this mixup I am willing to offer an updo in lieu of the original offer.

This is a goodwill gesture that will allow the school to have this item as advertised but also means that the impact on my business is minimised considering its inclusion was not originally sanctioned by myself. I look forward to hearing from you further regarding this matter. Thanks,KungFu

Ive also sent this to the head of the school tweaking the titles and such.

OP posts:
Mulberry72 · 18/10/2017 21:52

She’s a 100% solid gold CF this one, isn’t she?! Skin like a rhinoceros!

Sorry but the gloves would be off now completely for me, email the head of the PTA/School and tell them that she’s lied, don’t offer anything in it’s place, let her sort it out and take the fallout from it.

Not your circus, not your monkeys!

Mulberry72 · 18/10/2017 21:53

Oops sorry X post!

Your message is perfect KungFu

serenityisqueen · 18/10/2017 21:53

How about you contact the school and say that you were not contacted about this first you heard was on printed flyer
as a gesture of goodwill this time you will offer a blow dry as given that it will be Christmas season you will have limited availability.
But it is a very unfair position to have put you into, you already contribute to charities and you would not like this to happen again.

Frege · 18/10/2017 21:53

Completely agree, Mulberry.

serenityisqueen · 18/10/2017 21:55

I didn't see the update before I posted but I think that the approach that you have taken is good

Sammysquiz · 18/10/2017 21:55

Perfect message. I wouldn't text F1, let her Stew!

Piffpaffpoff · 18/10/2017 21:56

Perfect OP

C0untDucku1a · 18/10/2017 21:57

Id still go with what zzzzz said. You dont need to offer an explanation. Dont offer an explanation.

melj1213 · 18/10/2017 21:59

Great post KungFu - now just remember to reply "Sorted it" to F1 ... she'll be desperate to know what you've done/said because she won't be able to dig herself out of her hole if she has no information to work with!

I think that is a great combination of our messages - you get across where the "miscommunication" came from without directly blaming CF1 and have offered them a more than acceptable alternative. Hopefully the PTA Chair will get back to you soon!

Clitoria · 18/10/2017 22:02

Blatant placemarking to see the update about WorstFriendEver shitting her knickers

CauliflowerSqueeze · 18/10/2017 22:02

Perfect, OP.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 18/10/2017 22:02

I like mels and yours but I'd make one change.

I would include a line like "I can only assume that someone has actually offered to buy a gift voucher from my salon for a cut and colour and donate it to the raffle. I would prefer if this were made clear on the raffle tickets. The gift card donors should surely be given credit on the tickets so they get their rightful thanks otherwise it looks like the salon is making the donation."

whatsleep · 18/10/2017 22:02

Perfect response, I’d love to be a fly on the wall!

Orangewater33 · 18/10/2017 22:05

Wow - who would do something like this?

Totally unreasonable on her part. But I understand the issue now that its been advertised but I would pull out if it bothers you and not let it go on because the resent if you do it without wanting to will last much longer than the awkwardness of pulling out.

Motoko · 18/10/2017 22:06

Nah, you shouldn't have said it was a miscommunication, because it wasn't. Too late now though.

SisterMoonshine · 18/10/2017 22:08

"Sorted it". Love it Grin

Original poster
KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 18/10/2017 22:08

" dont worry now ive sorted it Wink "

Has just been sent to F1.
Oh i feel like im on a roll now and im unstoppable Grin I might hire a few of you to give me pep talks for real life, im not this confident normally. Maybe I could pop some of you into the raffle and hope I win. Anyone want to offer? Grin

OP posts: