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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How to get out of something that I didnt agree to?

999 replies

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 18/10/2017 15:59

I am very close friends with a group of 5 ladies, known each other since high school.
We all have children ranging from the ages of 1-6.

Friend 1s child started reception this year and has joined the PTA aswell. Friend 2 & 3 already have children at this school. Friend 1 is the only one on the PTA.

Friend 2 has just text me, saying she didnt know I was offering a prize at the christmas fair.

Me: What?
F2: One of the raffle prizes is a colour & cut at KungFus Salon.
Me : Must be an error and mean another salon.

Cue a whatsapp message of friend 3, with a screenshot of the flyer and the message "kept this quiet. Its lovely of you though"

In the flyer it mentions how the school will be grateful for donations etc etc, raffle tickets go on sale after the school holidays for X price. It then goes on to give a "sneak peek" for some prizes up for grabs and sure enough their is my bloody salon 3rd on the list offering a colour and cut.

Text F1 did she sign me up. Yes she did, that was her contribution (?!)
I asked F1 will she be paying for the voucher. She has responded No, she wont be because its for a good cause and the rest of the community has donated bits and bobs.

Now Im stuck.
I didnt agree to any of this and now leaflets have been given out advertising my salon donating one of the prizes.
All the money goes to the school so it is a good cause, but i just see it as my child doesn't attend that school or any school for that matter. This "donation" will leave me anywhere from £30-£45 out of pocket.

Would i look horrendous ringing the school up and explaining what has happened or shall I suck it up and just do it.

OP posts:

zeeboo · 18/10/2017 20:50

I can’t believe you are thinking of letting her get away with it!!!!!!!!
All this talk of reputational loss is rubbish. I know our last PTA raffle had a salon prize in it but I couldn’t for the life of me tell you which hairdressers it was from and I’m on the PTA! Unless you live in a tiny rural village no one will even remember in a fortnights time.
And if your child isn’t at school for another 3 years you really are flattering yourself (I’m saying this kindly) if you think the school, office, other parents will remember that it was your salon never mind the fact that you are the owner!!
If you make this ok for her then you really are telling her that you don’t matter and that she was right to do what she did.
I’m sure 2 and 3 will still be your friends If F1 is in a piss with you over it.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 18/10/2017 20:50

I would tell her that what she has done is the equivalent of walking into Tesco and taking a £45 bottle of whisky off the shelf and donating it to the raffle as a prize from her. She wouldn't dream of doing that, I am sure.

"No, F1, I will NOT be donating, because you did not offer me the courtesy of ASKING if I could donate. What you have done is as bad as putting your hand in my till, taking £45 out, and giving it to the PTA, as a donation from you. Either you pay the full going rate for the prize you have offered, or it will not happen."

Willow2017 · 18/10/2017 20:50

Magoria
The pta know it was cf she offered it in as 'her' prize donation. But she failed to mention she had no intentions of paying for it. She just wanted to look good making them think she was donating a £50 prize.

ApocalypseNowt · 18/10/2017 20:52

I agree with other posters that if you leave it to her now she will tell the school that you have withdrawn it. I'd tell her she needs to either transfer the money to you tonight or you will be phoning the school first thing to explain what has happened.

She has a get out that mean she won't lose face and that's paying for it herself.

Tbh I'd consider this friendship over as of now.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 18/10/2017 20:52

Has she always been like this? By this I mean an absolute knob jockey

She is no friend.

Fuck that shit. After that non apologetic twatty response id be emailing the school, the governors and the head of the PTA spelling it all out that you don't appreciate your company being dragged in the mud like this as you are concerned over the backlash

Butterymuffin · 18/10/2017 20:52

Don't reply! You don't have to answer that rude text. Ring the school first thing tomorrow - yes, I too know that the PTA is separate but it'll be the quickest way to get the contact details for the PTA chair.

May50 · 18/10/2017 20:53

Just say no. And I wouldn't offer a reduced voucher either. Just say you weren't asked and can't do.

MadMags · 18/10/2017 20:53

Text back "Not. And I'll have to explain to the Chair what's happened as I don't want my reputation being unfairly damaged."

It's annoying me that she's been texting the other two and ignoring you.

People like her get away with it because they rely on other people not calling them out.

Bratsandtwats · 18/10/2017 20:54

Your answer to that text had better be 'NOT' OP!!

kuniloofdooksa · 18/10/2017 20:55

Text back:
"I am certainly not donating something that will cost me £45 when you didn't even ask.
The most I can afford to donate is £5 so I will allow you to buy a £45 voucher to be the prize for £40, which will let you honour the promise you made. If you don't want to do that I will have to tell the school that you lied."

Do not apologise. Do not stump up 50% or a cheaper option. Do not be railroaded.

Tour · 18/10/2017 20:55

Reply that you can't afford to lose £40 so close to Christmas so if she wants to donate it she will have to pay what you will lose.

QueenUnicorn · 18/10/2017 20:56

Does she realise it will cost you money? Have you spoken to her that you will lose out on a paying customer, or that a colour will cost in products?

It sounds like she's seeing it as a freebie from you and not really realising that it will cost you a considerable amount.

Obviously you would be well within your rights to call the school and reclaim the 'donation'. However personally I think I would call and offer them a cheaper 'prize'. And put a timing on it so that it will be used in your quieter hours.

BoomBoomsCousin · 18/10/2017 20:56

If the flyer has already been circulated you can't change the offering now to something of lesser value without damaging your salon's reputation. And adding in a "weekdays before 4 pm" caveat will also likely sour a lot of people to you since it will exclude a significant number. An "after Jan 1st" rider will probably do the least damage.

You would not be unreasonable to call the school and let them know it has been offered without your knowledge, that you are unable to honour it as a donation and that you expect them to fix this without damaging your salon's reputation. You could offer to provide the voucher for cost, rather than retail, price after Christmas or at your lowest regular price if they don't want any restrictions. That's still a generous offer given you have been landed in this mess by someone else.

I would assume your friendship with F1 is unsalvagable now, you'd never really feel good around her after this would you? So I wouldn't worry too much about the fall out for her of her actions being discovered. It might be good for the PTA to know what she is like now before she makes a "mistake" that costs them far more.

HashiAsLarry · 18/10/2017 20:57

Don't reply. Let the cf stew.
Then contact the school tomorrow.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 18/10/2017 20:57

B. Not to make F1 existence for the rest of her time at that school awkward and miserable

Or - you let the rest of the PTA know that friend 1 is all mouth and no trousers and not to take what she says as gospel truth.
If you give in or compromise, she'll do it again. If not to you, then to some other unfortunate mug. I'm pretty sure the PTA will end up looking bad if she continues doing this.

StealthPolarBear · 18/10/2017 20:58

Does she have a car you could donate to the raffle as your contribution?

Leeds2 · 18/10/2017 20:59

Having thought about this some more, I would ignore her text and get in touch with the PTA tomorrow. If you tell her you aren't doing it, she will probably get in touch with them herself, be terribly apologetic and say that you have changed your mind so the prize is no more. Thereby wriggling off the hook.

PricillaQueenOfTheDesert · 18/10/2017 21:01

How much business will you lose when word gets around that you have 'withdrawn' your prize. People won't care about the why's or wherefore, they'll just gossip that your salon 'offered' a prize but never stood by your offer.

Original poster

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 18/10/2017 21:01

I decided too get in there first after that cheeky text.
F2 & F3 did some digging and have sent me the head PTAs facebook.
Thinking of sending a message and sending the school an email, so they see it first thing in the morning. It stops F1 trying to cover her arse up.

Good or bad idea?
How should I word it to the head PTA??

Ive also just found out F2&F3 each offered £15 each towards the "donation" so all F1 would have needed to do was put £15 towards. She refused apparently she needs to stand her ground because I am being unreasonable. Fuck that, im not being mrs nice now!

OP posts:

Blatherskite · 18/10/2017 21:01

I actually won a haircut at a local salon via a school fundraiser once.

I could not for the life of me tell you the name of that salon now and I ended up sending DH in the end because I have my hairdresser who I trust and wasn't interested in going and getting my hair done elsewhere and possibly upsetting him.

I'd withdraw the offer. No one will remember.

teaandtoast · 18/10/2017 21:03

Blatherskite · 18/10/2017 21:03

She thinks you are being unreasonable and wants to stand her ground!

Fuck her. Definitely don't do it!

Elend · 18/10/2017 21:04

Absolute fucking neck on that woman! Don't reply. Call the head first thing in the morning and drop her right in the shite, where she belongs. Advise them they need to make clear to everyone the situation, that this was offered without your knowledge and sadly you are unable to contribute at present, and suggest if your business reputation suffers as a direct consequence you will take it very seriously.

magoria · 18/10/2017 21:04

The selfish cow wasn't even willing to pay 1/3 £15 measly quid of her donation.

Text the chair tonight.

KitKat1985 · 18/10/2017 21:05

Blimey. So F1 won't even pay £15 towards the prize, but has no issue apparently with you being £45 out of pocket.

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