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AIBU?

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Original poster

How to get out of something that I didnt agree to?

999 replies

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 18/10/2017 15:59

I am very close friends with a group of 5 ladies, known each other since high school.
We all have children ranging from the ages of 1-6.

Friend 1s child started reception this year and has joined the PTA aswell. Friend 2 & 3 already have children at this school. Friend 1 is the only one on the PTA.

Friend 2 has just text me, saying she didnt know I was offering a prize at the christmas fair.

Me: What?
F2: One of the raffle prizes is a colour & cut at KungFus Salon.
Me : Must be an error and mean another salon.

Cue a whatsapp message of friend 3, with a screenshot of the flyer and the message "kept this quiet. Its lovely of you though"

In the flyer it mentions how the school will be grateful for donations etc etc, raffle tickets go on sale after the school holidays for X price. It then goes on to give a "sneak peek" for some prizes up for grabs and sure enough their is my bloody salon 3rd on the list offering a colour and cut.

Text F1 did she sign me up. Yes she did, that was her contribution (?!)
I asked F1 will she be paying for the voucher. She has responded No, she wont be because its for a good cause and the rest of the community has donated bits and bobs.

Now Im stuck.
I didnt agree to any of this and now leaflets have been given out advertising my salon donating one of the prizes.
All the money goes to the school so it is a good cause, but i just see it as my child doesn't attend that school or any school for that matter. This "donation" will leave me anywhere from £30-£45 out of pocket.

Would i look horrendous ringing the school up and explaining what has happened or shall I suck it up and just do it.

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 18/10/2017 19:51

I'd message her and tell her either she pays the money to you for the voucher or your phoning the school tomorrow.

kissmethere · 18/10/2017 19:52

She's got some neck. I'd communicate a message through your friends to say she either speaks to you about this directly or you'll be speaking to the school of her "mistake" in the morning. Get her to front the money if she wants to save face.

kissmethere · 18/10/2017 19:53

Cross posts

sonjadog · 18/10/2017 19:53

Firstly, she really needs to grow up and talk to you directly.

Secondly, would you be prepared to donate a smaller amount, say 10 pounds? Then say that she needs to make up the difference if she wants you do continue in the raffle. If she won´t do that, then you call the school. Give her those two choices. She´s angled for a third choice - you do it and she pays nothing, and she needs to be told that that option is not going to happen.

Handsfull13 · 18/10/2017 19:53

If she is responding to everyone else except you then your friendship is definitely over.
I would phone the school and say she must have got it wrong and you were only offering a cut and dry to be taken after the xmas period. And you just wanted to confirm the details.

But you could also change that to it's only the above but it would have been nice if CF had asked you first. Just pointing it out that you will honour the winning prize but you hadn't actually offer it

Hateloggingin · 18/10/2017 19:55

Kungfu- I thought it was Smile you definitely need to practise your resting bitch face Grin

SchadenfreudePersonified · 18/10/2017 19:55

She obviously thinks that as this is your business it won't cost you anything - because materials are free, aren't they? And you don't have to pay a stylist because you can do it yourself, so that's costing you nowt.

And it's only a few hours of your (free) time - yeah, okay - it's your busy time of year, but you know, you would have to open the salon anyway, so it doesn't matter whose hair they do, does it?

Point out to her the cost of the treatment/colour etc - and the cost of (however long) of your time, and the cost of the cut and colour that you could be doing (so effectively it is doubling your contribution, as you are expected to fund the treatment AND you are missing the amount you would have earned on the other customer who would have had that appointment.

And mention that that is without even considering the on-costs of the junior to wash hair and sweep up, the electricity, and the 40 cups of coffee the winner would doubtless drink!

Give her the chance to pay for it - if not, as others have suggested, ring the school and point out that you knew nothing about it. If you want to, as you mentioned you could offer a less expensive treatment - or maybe a "gift basket" of shampoo and conditioner or something. If so make it very clear that this is a goodwill gesture.

But don't be pressured into saving her face, and don't let them get away with anything that could damage your professional reputation.

MiniCooperLover · 18/10/2017 19:56

Good suggestion by RandomMess, put restrictions on the voucher so it’s not usable until at least Jan when you may have less clients anyway and make her pay at least half!

Schmoopy · 18/10/2017 19:57

Yep agree. Your friendship is over now anyway. She won't be able to face you and I don't see how you could regard her positively after this.

I still think you should just tell the school the truth.

topcat2014 · 18/10/2017 19:57

What, exactly, is the prizewinner going to be given, I wonder?

At my school, they tend to be quite nice vouchers/letters from the establishment.

How is your CF intending to obtain such a thing.

Laughing at the idea that her 'donation' was to list you down.

She should offer to pay out of sheer embarrasment at her fuckup.

HeebieJeebies456 · 18/10/2017 20:01

So she has form for taking the piss out of you deliberately and forcing you into a position where you would look like a fool and your business reputation suffer if you stood up for yourself?

She's still taking the piss out of you - only now it's extended to the wider community.

She does have history for wanting to be the person who can "hook" you up or knows a person who can do a deal - but never at somebody elses expense
Errrmmm....you were just one of the people at who's expense she was 'hooking' other people up - now she's done it again.
I doubt you're the only one she does this to.....and they all let her get away with it as well.

She's not going to stop, OP.
There will always be something.

Real friends don't continually take the piss like this.
Looks to me like she's only friends with you because she knows she can use you for her own popularity.
She STILL hasn't got the decency or respect to discuss this with you - and there you are all 'worried' about rocking the 'friendship boat' Hmm

Come on, op!
Call her bluff.
Tell her you will be calling the school tomorrow if she doesn't transfer payment for the service.
Don't be a mug!

Strokethefurrywall · 18/10/2017 20:02

My God, the big hairy lady balls on this one!!

AcrossthePond55 · 18/10/2017 20:02

If my child were going to attend the school at some point, I think I'd try to do something for the raffle. Perhaps I'd call the school and say that F1 offered your services without checking with you first and that since F1 is not willing to cover the cost of this 'free' cut & colour and the shop cannot afford to, as a gesture of good will towards the school you will offer as the prize and would they please amend the flyer. If that doesn't 'work' for the school, then say sorry, but I won't be providing a 'prize'.

But first I'd probably send one final text to F1 saying "You have until Monday afternoon to either notify the school of your error or pay me in advance for the prize you 'donated'. I will be calling the school on Tuesday morning to rectify your 'mistake'.

GeekyWombat · 18/10/2017 20:03

To be honest, the fact she's too gutless to front up and discuss it with you directly and is asking other friends to step in would be a deal breaker for me. Whatever happens and whatever you do I really wouldn't worry about her!

Nocabbageinmyeye · 18/10/2017 20:03

The fact that she is ignoring you and messaging the other two would actually send me over the edge! She's a cheeky bitch but now she's a cowardly cheeky bitch trying to get your friends involved Angry

Nocabbageinmyeye · 18/10/2017 20:04

Snap Geeky

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 18/10/2017 20:04

What do friend 2 and 3 say?

Ultimately your cf friend is destroying the group. And f2 and 3 are witnesses. No way can she spin it that you were unreasonable

If they're still talking to her (but she can't face you!? Seriously what did she think would happen?!) I would tell them the above. That she has until morning to pay you the money or you're going to the school to explain everything.

magoria · 18/10/2017 20:07

Someone needs to take a stand against your friend or she will do this again and again.

Basically what she is doing is stealing your time and money leaving you down at an expensive time of year and passing them off as hers to make her look better.

She didn't even ask you.

She is not not speaking to you and doesn't want you to embarrass her.

She shouldn't be on the PTA she isn't honest.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 18/10/2017 20:09

OP you really don’t need to sweat this. Let F1 do all the sweating. She made this mess so she can get out of it.

Simply say:

“Please let me know this evening how you wish to proceed with this situation. My salon will not be able to offer the service and people will need to know”.

If she doesn’t respond this evening email the school and PTA tomorrow and BCC her in so she is aware but does not feel exposed publicly.

“Dear xxx
I have been advised that the PTA have printed out raffle tickets mentioning my salon offering a free service. I’m terribly sorry but there appears to have been a mistake as I have never been approached about this. Please may I ask that you take appropriate steps to remove this offer. Wishing you all the best with your fund raising.”

Cup of tea and relax.

AlternativeTentacle · 18/10/2017 20:10

B. Not to make F1 existence for the rest of her time at that school awkward and miserable

She could EASILY do this by paying you for the treatment. Really, OP - not everyone is saying to make an offer or you look bad, you need to smarten up or people will never stop taking the piss.

AlternativeTentacle · 18/10/2017 20:14

I was at a meeting once and the person on the other side of the table offered my services to do gardening in an old lady's house for free, just because I know how to garden and teach horticulture. She tried to guilt trip me, and I asked her quite frankly, who would be paying my mortgage whilst I spent my time volunteering for anyone who asked? I asked if she had ever taken exams to get her job and she said yes, and I said me too, and I am still paying them off. So is my business partner. and that I already volunteered TWO DAYS a week so excuse me but I will make my own volunteering arrangements thank you very much. She went red and funnily enough, never spoke of it again.

choccybiscuit · 18/10/2017 20:14

"My compromise would be

CFF pays for 50% of the cost of cut & colour

Conditions of voucher are Jan - Feb weekday before 4pm only

I wouldn't email her and tell her it's this or nothing!!!"

What RandomMess said!

luckyDuvet · 18/10/2017 20:14

Conditions of voucher are Jan - Feb weekday before 4pm only

To be honest I would think that a bit shit if I won it.

sonjadog · 18/10/2017 20:15

I would hand this back to her. She has messed up and she is making it your responsibility. So I would just hand it straight back. Text and tell her what you want to happen, give a couple of alternatives and tell her to let you know in the course of tomorrow which she has organized. Don´t let her make her mess your problem to sort out.

JaneEyre70 · 18/10/2017 20:16

I would contact the school directly, and explain that your services were volunteered without your knowledge by F1, and that you simply can't afford to offer something so generous in the run up to Christmas. However, explain that you feel uncomfortable that your name has already gone out on advertising, so you are happy to offer a wash/dry and/or updo as you realise that this is awkward for everyone involved. I wouldn't feel remotely uncomfortable doing so, and this way you are still donating something.