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Original poster

How to get out of something that I didnt agree to?

999 replies

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 18/10/2017 15:59

I am very close friends with a group of 5 ladies, known each other since high school.
We all have children ranging from the ages of 1-6.

Friend 1s child started reception this year and has joined the PTA aswell. Friend 2 & 3 already have children at this school. Friend 1 is the only one on the PTA.

Friend 2 has just text me, saying she didnt know I was offering a prize at the christmas fair.

Me: What?
F2: One of the raffle prizes is a colour & cut at KungFus Salon.
Me : Must be an error and mean another salon.

Cue a whatsapp message of friend 3, with a screenshot of the flyer and the message "kept this quiet. Its lovely of you though"

In the flyer it mentions how the school will be grateful for donations etc etc, raffle tickets go on sale after the school holidays for X price. It then goes on to give a "sneak peek" for some prizes up for grabs and sure enough their is my bloody salon 3rd on the list offering a colour and cut.

Text F1 did she sign me up. Yes she did, that was her contribution (?!)
I asked F1 will she be paying for the voucher. She has responded No, she wont be because its for a good cause and the rest of the community has donated bits and bobs.

Now Im stuck.
I didnt agree to any of this and now leaflets have been given out advertising my salon donating one of the prizes.
All the money goes to the school so it is a good cause, but i just see it as my child doesn't attend that school or any school for that matter. This "donation" will leave me anywhere from £30-£45 out of pocket.

Would i look horrendous ringing the school up and explaining what has happened or shall I suck it up and just do it.

OP posts:
aaaaargghhhhelpme · 18/10/2017 19:24

If you give that response to the school you are more likely to get bad publicity. You'll be the flaky salon who didn't know what they were doing

Keep to the facts. this was done without your knowledge and permission.

You're not dropping your friend in it. She did that herself. And I think it's debatable she's a friend. She can't even bother to reply to you

hollie11 · 18/10/2017 19:25

Has she responded yet op?

PhuntSox · 18/10/2017 19:27

Good that its 3 years until your child starts, I had visions of the PTA all hating you before you started. Tread carefully... I think pointing out that the colour is an error and its a cut would be a good move. I imagine you will be doing it for years and years, and could get some custom from it in the long run.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 18/10/2017 19:27

I really would just go straight to the school.

Thinking further, if you do honour it, can you make it a voucher valid for January 2018- Feb 2018 only? When it's a bit quieter so less likely you are turning away a regular?

Fishcalledlola · 18/10/2017 19:28

Sorry I haven't RTFT but I'd say you are losing double that money, the cost of the prize and the cost of the other client who could have had that appointment.
I would honour the prize, only because I'm nice but I'd send a bill to the CF if it was redeemed.

FinallyHere · 18/10/2017 19:31

I would tend to ring the school, and ask who has donated the voucher, as you would like to thank them, then let the truth emerge that you are not sponsoring anything. Any face saving measures will allow the CF to think, correctly, that she had successfully encouraged you to make a generous offer, that you just needed a bit of a nudge.

A donation with lots of conditions could indeed backfire. Best to make sure the whole thing is brought out into the open. That is a friendship that you won't miss.

AlternativeTentacle · 18/10/2017 19:31

I was thinking of ringing the school and notifying them that i think F1 made a mistake and I wasnt donating a CC i was offering another treatment instead and could they rectify this mistake ASAP.

Come on OP - stop letting yourself get mugged off.

It's what cheeky fuckers the world over rely on, the risk of you not wanting to lose face or have bad publicity. You need to stop trying to protect her, and imagine you had just seen the flyer, and were picking up the phone innocently tomorrow to ask what on earth is going on.

MiniCooperLover · 18/10/2017 19:32

I wouldn’t ring school but I would ring F1 and make it very clear that as long as she honours the cost (and pays it now!) you won’t disclose what she’s done to school. However if she doesn’t and doesn’t do it straight away then you will. Make it clear how much she’s expecting you to just give away 😳

plominoagain · 18/10/2017 19:33

I just want to know - if you hadn't found out beforehand , what on earth she was going to do when someone won it ? Give them an iffy fake voucher ? Or wait until they rang you and tried to book in for their prize before confessing all ?

Justabadwife · 18/10/2017 19:35

Ignore me. Just placemarking! 🙈🙈

Schmoopy · 18/10/2017 19:41

I'd be contacting the school, as per other people's suggestions.

ElizabethDarcey · 18/10/2017 19:42

I think you should just text her saying, 'I'm really annoyed that you've offered a prize that will leave me £45 out of pocket without checking with me. This is really not ok'. Don't offer a solution, don't call the school, do nothing. This is her problem to sort out. She'll either need to withdraw the prize or grovel to you.

nikkylou · 18/10/2017 19:43

I think contacting the school, advising there has been a mistake, you're concerned other prizes might not be genuine etc. Ultimately though, I think withdrawing it or amending it just brings attention to it. "So and so has won a cut and blow dry!!!" ..."hang on, this leaflet said it was a colour...?"

I'd go with putting restrictions on it, but as above, too many makes it look like a con. So specify say Jan-april 2018, mon - Fri subject to availability, and maybe specify restrictions which would be expected in the price frame, such as above shoulder length, highlights etc are an additional cost, so it's clear you're only doing a basic one but it seems more of good deal paying for the "extras" only iyswim

InvisibleKittenAttack · 18/10/2017 19:44

Basically OP, you now will not be able to trust her and it's always going to be difficult from now on, so don't tie yourself in knots trying to save the friendship. 'Tis buggered. She's ignoring your calls so is ignoring a chance to fix this.

Call the school and say there's been a mistake, play the confused "perhaps it's a different salon? How could this happen?" Type. Offer to honour a cut, but only with a voucher for January/Feb/ when your quieter time is.

You get to look very understanding with the school.

Hateloggingin · 18/10/2017 19:44

Are you the op whose mother always brings her friends to yours for free hairdos?

sayyouwill · 18/10/2017 19:44

I can understand her getting swept up with it all: everyone else donating things and her having nothing to offer, your salon pops into her head and she thinks "oh I bet

Original poster
KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 18/10/2017 19:45

I only thought of that plan so
A. I don't look stingy
B. Not to make F1 exsistance for the rest of her time at that school awkward and miserable
C. Not to damage the salons reputation.

But going of the feedback from all you I should be honest with the school and offer something so I look good.

No. No response from F1. Shes messaging F2 & F3 asking what am i going to do. Have I decided yet etc. They tried explaining she should pay something towards the treatment, and how Kung wouldnt offer your husbands services without permission. (Shes a SAHM)
Apparently she wouldnt mind me offering her Husbands services and she cant afford to pay me full price with christmas coming up 🤔 But obviously its Ok for me to be down that amount, not like I celebrate christmas or anything.

Of course she wouldnt mind me offering her husbands services, he works in an office. How on earth do you raffle that off?

OP posts:
sayyouwill · 18/10/2017 19:46

Sorry, clicked post by accident
"Oh, I bet kungfu would donate something" and just blurted it out without any thought.
However she should have had the balls to tell you she fucked up and offered to cover the cost!

Original poster
KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 18/10/2017 19:46

Hate That was me! That has long stopped now after she took the piss one too many times.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 18/10/2017 19:46

My compromise would be

CFF pays for 50% of the cost of cut & colour

Conditions of voucher are Jan - Feb weekday before 4pm only

I wouldn't email her and tell her it's this or nothing!!!

InvisibleKittenAttack · 18/10/2017 19:46

Oh and be careful about the "do nothing" approach, if someone turns up with a voucher you won't honour, you are risking being the bad guy in the community.

HashiAsLarry · 18/10/2017 19:47

If you can afford to donate something, then definitely contact the school and explain the truth but offer what you can afford.

Save yourself and your reputation, screw the cf. She's happy to screw you.

HashiAsLarry · 18/10/2017 19:47

If you can afford to donate something, then definitely contact the school and explain the truth but offer what you can afford.

Save yourself and your reputation, screw the cf. She's happy to screw you.

HashiAsLarry · 18/10/2017 19:47

If you can afford to donate something, then definitely contact the school and explain the truth but offer what you can afford.

Save yourself and your reputation, screw the cf. She's happy to screw you.

RandomMess · 18/10/2017 19:47

Sorry I would email her asap, and if she doesn't respond then you are contacting school.