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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there is a group on MN deliberately trying to downplay the institutional oppression of women?

999 replies

PerryPerryThePlatypus · 18/10/2017 08:13

I've been hanging around these here parts since Pom Bears were just a bizarre crisp but more and more I see posters chipping away at other posters experiences, feelings of unease etc. It's difficult to articulate but it's just a shift from NAMALT to women are just as bad so stop complaining. An almost subtle silencing.

OP posts:
Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 20/10/2017 17:08

Anyway

I am making Christmas cards and im full of peace and love (or lager as i call it)

So thanks everyone...it's turned into a really interesting at times discussion...you all sound lovely Smile

Mittens1969 · 20/10/2017 17:11

There might have been a bit of that going on in when we were talking about men approaching women at stations, I would agree. Since then there have only been a few of us who have stayed with this. But definitely the one before, one poster in particular springs to mind.

WhatWouldGenghisDo · 20/10/2017 17:12

Cheers rufus! Wine (virtual until I get the kids to bed)

Pumperthepumper · 20/10/2017 17:12

Pumper, yes and yes. Qhy wouldn't I? Are you making assumptions because I made a NAMALT comment?

No. I'm asking because saying NAMALT and arguing about word choice is all you've contributed to this thread. What's your solution/thoughts then, if you agree male violence is a problem?

Mittens1969 · 20/10/2017 17:12

And to you, too, Rufustherenegadereindeer1. I’m about to go on holiday with my family so I’m feeling relaxed too now. Smile

bumbleymummy · 20/10/2017 17:14

what "AIBU or is my neighbour being a CF?" I've yet to see a thread mostly taken up with arguments about whether the OP has adequately acknowledged that not all neighbours are CFs, for example"

But she didn't make a sweeping statement about all neighbours did she? If she said 'AIBU to think most neighbours are X' then she may very well have lots of replies saying, 'well, actually, like aren't like that at all'

mittens "You probably wouldn’t have got that reaction if you’d said ‘a lot of men...’ "

Exactly.

Pumperthepumper · 20/10/2017 17:14

Thanks Rufus, you've been ace 🍷 🎄

bumbleymummy · 20/10/2017 17:22

Pumper, that's not what this thread is about. Why do you get to control what's discussed and say whether or not something is a valid contribution or not?

As for whether I think there is a group on MN deliberately downplaying institutional oppression of women - no, I don't. It's a bit too conspiracy-theory like for me. I think there are a few people/groups of people that enjoying winding some of the more 'extreme' feminists up though. There are trolls everywhere.

Pumperthepumper · 20/10/2017 17:29

Pumper, that's not what this thread is about. Why do you get to control what's discussed and say whether or not something is a valid contribution or not?

The thread is about NAMALT being used as 'an almost subtle silencing' and I think you've absolutely proved that it is.

bumbleymummy · 20/10/2017 17:31

Why? You're the one trying to shut me down if anything.

BertrandRussell · 20/10/2017 17:31

But the point is that "a lot of men" isn't the same. Saying that "men as a class" do a particular thing is suggesting that the thing is part of the way men as a class are defined, part of masculinity, part of how we as a society expect men to be. Physicality and aggression is part of male culture, and it's something that needs to be addressed. Of course NAMALT, but look at all the men at football matches for example.I look at my own lovely gentle partner and son watching rugby, and the aggression isn't far below the surface. Look at all the men on the relationship boards who slam doors and kick walls and break things and are excused because they're having a hard time at work. Look at what happens when men get behind the wheel of a car.

Arealhumanbeing · 20/10/2017 17:31

WhatWouldGenghisDo

Yes. Most definitely.

bumbleymummy · 20/10/2017 17:34

If anything it proves my earlier point that criticising those who use NAMALT seems more like an attempt to shut discussion down by trying to exclude/discredit people who don't share your viewpoint.

Pumperthepumper · 20/10/2017 17:34

Why? You're the one trying to shut me down if anything

Why, by asking you questions?! How could that possibly be shutting you down?

bumbleymummy · 20/10/2017 17:36

"Look at what happens when men get behind the wheel of a car."

?

WhatWouldGenghisDo · 20/10/2017 17:37

Yep the thread does strike me as being a sort of textbook demonstration of the truth of its premise

Pumperthepumper · 20/10/2017 17:38

bumbley that whole discussion is on page 35. But I'll say it again:

NAMALT isn't a viewpoint, it's a fact. It's a fact that absolutely nobody is disputing.

HandbagKrabby · 20/10/2017 17:39

Arrrgh!!!! bumbley your posts about male on female violence and harrasment are incredibly frustrating. Yeah, namalt, we get it. You've said it a million billion times. What do you think about the men that are like that????

Mittens1969 · 20/10/2017 17:45

I think the issue was with the word ‘creep’. Violence is ingrained deep in a man’s DNA, I can accept that. I agree, my DH can get very riled up when behind the wheel of a car.

BertrandRussell · 20/10/2017 17:47

"If anything it proves my earlier point that criticising those who use NAMALT seems more like an attempt to shut discussion down by trying to exclude/discredit people who don't share your viewpoint"

But every single person on this thread and any others I have read agree that NAMALT is a fact. It doesn't need to be said. It's true. A fact.

averylongtimeago · 20/10/2017 17:48

Thought I would have another look at this thread to see if there were any new view points.
But no, same posters just saying NAMALT.
Yes we know! But lots of men are like that. What do you suggest about them? Those men are not the majority by any means, but they are numerous enough to be a real threat to women.

And for what it's worth, every single adult woman I know had been on the receiving end of male violence or harassment. From the my dil's friend who was raped in broad daylight, my friend who was beaten to within an inch of her life, myself pinned in a corner and groped by a family friend at a party, the battered wives, girls punched by their boyfriends there are too many to list.
This is the reality for women, violence and the fear of violence from men.

bumbleymummy · 20/10/2017 17:49

Pumper, that's fine. So, as said many times (and by a few different people now) its best not to use titles that are more likely to make people say NAMALT if you don't want that. We realised several pages ago that we weren't going agree so I don't know why you keep dragging it all back around in circles.

Handbag, I've no idea who you are or which posts of mine you're talking about. I think they're horrible people. Has that ever come into question?

BertrandRussell · 20/10/2017 17:51

"Violence is ingrained deep in a man’s DNA,"

Wow-do you think so? That's depressing.......

Pumperthepumper · 20/10/2017 17:54

bumbley it was you who started talking to me again, with the same point you've made a thousand times before.

To think there is a group on MN deliberately trying to downplay the institutional oppression of women?
bumbleymummy · 20/10/2017 17:55

"Violence is ingrained deep in a man’s DNA,"

interesting article here