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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think you can't just leave 11 people waiting while you nip next door to bf your baby?

277 replies

Yoplate · 17/10/2017 19:06

One of our neighbours is hosting a murder mystery for several couples in our cul de sac. One couple have a bf 6m baby. They have accepted neighbour's invitation and are having a grandma over to babysit. Neighbour is planning to wait for Gma's call and then she can just nip home to feed baby back to sleep if she wakes up and the murder mystery script can wait for 10 mins. Surely SWBU to expect the other 11 guests to just wait for her? V. unlikely she'll be only 10 mins. Host neighbour and I think she should decline invitation.

OP posts:
LittleMansMum2017 · 18/10/2017 19:05

@undercoverbanana sorry to hear about this. What an awful thing to say regardless of how drunk she was.

Undercoverbanana · 18/10/2017 19:07

Dan - I'm quite a tough girl but I had a hormonal cry on the drive home. I was on my own (DP away), first dc, only 2nd time driving since birth and ds was 4 days old. I was feeling very sensitive. I have never forgotten how nary she made me feel. That's why I'm always supportive of Mums with little ones in tow. I remember how it felt. There were a few people at the party that I knew from work and they contacted me afterwards and said how angry they were for me. Apparently a few people did tell the girlfriend to stfu after I'd gone but I was out of there.

Micksee15 · 18/10/2017 19:09

for god sakes really??
a GAME or a baby, do you really need to even ask this?

Eveforever · 18/10/2017 19:19

Is there a problem with telling your neighbour that you would love to come and you have a babysitter, but you may need to nip home to breastfeed your baby and are they cool with taking a break if you need to do so?

TwoDogs9 · 18/10/2017 19:24

YABVU. Hope she's reading this and tells you where to stick it!

@undercoverbanana that is horrible! I can imagine how upset you must have been! Sad

Lweji · 18/10/2017 19:30

Hope she's reading this

Grin Glitterball
Lweji · 18/10/2017 19:32

Or would you pump and then drink it from a bottle?

Yes. Blush It seemed like a waste of good milk, as otherwise I'd throw it away.

MadMags · 18/10/2017 19:33

Hope she's reading this

Yes, if only there was some way to know if the mother in question could read the thread...

TragicallyUnbeyachted · 18/10/2017 19:40

You are automatically BU because you did a reverse thread.

Cutesbabasmummy · 18/10/2017 19:45

Yep why did the host invite her if she didn't want her to come?!

Threenme · 18/10/2017 19:46

As I've said I'd 100% halt the game for my friends but when people are saying it a baby or a game. Some people don't want the hassle of accommodating kids and therefore don't have them. Equally they might have their own kids and want a break from their night being dictated by kids.

Pigeonpost · 18/10/2017 19:49

Urgh, I maintain my Biscuit for making it a reverse. To be honest if they are making that much of a fuss they don't sound like the kind of people I'd want to spend an evening with so I'd give it a miss, enjoy your baby and let them behave like dicks.

a1poshpaws · 18/10/2017 19:52

I'm afraid I think YABU,and the host very much so too ... most murder mysteries seem to have a meal in the middle, which doesn't ruin things - why should the short disappearance of one player be regarded differently really in the circumstances? I bet the bf Mum/neighbour in question would be really hurt if she knew how undervalued her participation was. She's trying to be a good friend and neighbour by joining in - maybe she is feeling stressed by it and just wants to be sure her (very young) baby will be ok by her covering all contingencies. Please don't be mean - be welcoming.

Lweji · 18/10/2017 20:07

I bet the bf Mum/neighbour in question would be really hurt if she knew how undervalued her participation was.

If only we could possibly know how she feels.

Lweji · 18/10/2017 20:08

I bet the bf Mum/neighbour in question would be really hurt if she knew how undervalued her participation was.

If only we could possibly know how she feels.

flutterby12 · 18/10/2017 20:11

@Amatree I am not self-centred in the slightest. I have ducked out of many a social gathering because I don't want to leave my DS because I feed him. My closest friends completely understand and have at times adapted their plans to include me and DS - which I never, ever expect but they do, and I am very grateful, that's why they are my closest friends. For people to make comments about the OP breastfeeding and it being awkward is out of order and not on, they sound like children. So like I said, fuck them. As OP has said her DC sleeps a good chunk of time so it is unlikely to disrupt the party that much.

StudentMumArghh · 18/10/2017 20:14

I agree with you OP. I don't believe the world should revolve around a BF mother either.

Dianag111 · 18/10/2017 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadMags · 18/10/2017 20:23

If only we could possibly know how she feels

I'm loving your work Grin

TwoDogs9 · 18/10/2017 20:34

Gaaaaaa only read first three f'ing pages before replying Blush

Take me outside and flog me for not knowing it was a "reverse" 🙄🙄

Creambun2 · 18/10/2017 20:37

Are these murder mystery parties a middle class thing now?

SusaninNZ · 18/10/2017 21:06

You know what - baby breast-fed more important than Mystery evening by any stretch. -This is a very old-fashioned question - women breastfeed in the middle of rice paddies, operas, school interviews etc. There’s nothing odd about it. if it’s okay with the hostess (maybe this could be incorporated into the event) then whether she’s feeding the baby in the next room, the middle of the murder scene or her own near-by home shouldn’t matter. It sounds like others are making an issue of it. Sorry I thought we’d all moved beyond Victorian ideas about mothers and breastfeeding - or have I got this wrong?

LittleMansMum2017 · 18/10/2017 21:11

I'm new MN, can someone explain o me what a reverse thread is please? Also why would someone use a reverse thread? Thanks x

Threenme · 18/10/2017 21:16

Susanin it's not about the bf and public and what not. It's about 11 people putting their night on hold to accommodate someone who made that choice. I would personally but not everyone wants to. And To be honest I can see why. When I don't have mine I want to completely switch off from kids and responsibility.

McTufty · 18/10/2017 21:18

@littlemansmum2017

It’s where a poster pretends to be the other person in the situation. So here, The initial post was written as though by the neighbour who didn’t want the bf Mum to come. Whereas actually she is the bf Mum.

As to why people do it, I’ve never understood so someone else will have to answer that!