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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think you can't just leave 11 people waiting while you nip next door to bf your baby?

277 replies

Yoplate · 17/10/2017 19:06

One of our neighbours is hosting a murder mystery for several couples in our cul de sac. One couple have a bf 6m baby. They have accepted neighbour's invitation and are having a grandma over to babysit. Neighbour is planning to wait for Gma's call and then she can just nip home to feed baby back to sleep if she wakes up and the murder mystery script can wait for 10 mins. Surely SWBU to expect the other 11 guests to just wait for her? V. unlikely she'll be only 10 mins. Host neighbour and I think she should decline invitation.

OP posts:
Threenme · 18/10/2017 12:38

I don't think amtree is selfish at all. I think she put her point across politely. I also largely agree.

motherinferior · 18/10/2017 13:20

I am a huge fan of breastfeeding but seriously at six months, are you really feeding solidly through the night? And how d’you manage work and so forth?

SandSnakeofDorne · 18/10/2017 13:36

I'm still feeding through the night and mine's eleven months Grin. She doesn't usually wake in the evening though. Most people take longer than six months maternity leave.

FlakeBook · 18/10/2017 13:42

Yes, motherinferior, breast milk should be the main source of nutrition for the first year.

All my babies still fed all night at six months. They were around a year when I left them during the day (the usual length of mat leave) and still fed at night.

I couldn't have had an evening out with a six month old baby being babysat. It was hard enough at a year.

motherinferior · 18/10/2017 17:05

Yes, I know that about breastmilk and nutrition (fwiw I’ve just finished a major project doing an ebook on breastmilk and breastfeeding). I have also breastfed exclusively to six months and from then on. I was also saying that quite a lot of babies do not feed in the night. Mine didn’t. And I also worked, as a lot of women do.

motherinferior · 18/10/2017 17:07

(I took four months maternity leave.)

motherinferior · 18/10/2017 17:11

It doesn’t help advance the cause of breastfeeding by equating it with non-stop feeding and/or with not working outside the home. Many women don’t have - and indeed don’t want - the option of a year off work (personally it would have horrified me); nor do they want years of broken nights. If the choice is that stark, you’re just making bottle-feeding look extremely alluring.

ilovechocolate07 · 18/10/2017 17:24

I think you're taking it very seriously. Surely these things are just a laugh and an excuse to have a drink.

Aurora87 · 18/10/2017 17:27

Well don't you and your neighbour sound de-fucking-lightful.

pam290358 · 18/10/2017 17:32

Can she not express some milk beforehand for granny to feed the baby ?

Sleepisoverrated1977 · 18/10/2017 17:33

How very unreasonable of your neighbour to expect everyone to gasp put the murder mystery evening on hold for 10-15 minutes!!! How very dare she accept an invitation to go out for an evening when breast feeding, has no one told her that really she should cancel ALL plans and remain housebound for the next 18 months at least. Yes she is definitely BU 🤔

niklew · 18/10/2017 17:37

I can see both points of view but to be honest I think bf your child is a priority and I’m sure a break would be fine. Your all adults. Would be different expecting children to wait... I think the fact she is making an effort with a 6 month old is brill and you should all be supportive. Not easy exclusively breastfeeding and does interfere allot obv so she’s trying to find a happy medium

Martinachick · 18/10/2017 17:39

Yabu, relax and have a laugh . Drink some more wine whilst the poor sod is breastfeeding

Misshannahk · 18/10/2017 17:40

Oh dear... I'd be pretty pissed if I had 'friends' like you. Won't you all be taking a break during the course of the evening anyway? where's peoples understanding these days Confused

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 18/10/2017 17:43

You are being very unreasonable.

You're actually finding anything to moan about. You sound vindictive

SpaghettiAndMeatballs · 18/10/2017 17:43

I'm still feeding through the night and mine's eleven months grin. She doesn't usually wake in the evening though. Most people take longer than six months maternity leave.

DS1 was still feeding in the night at 18 months (luckily only once!).

If it's like murder mystery things I've done, it's really not going to be a big deal - people pop out for a cigarette, action happens in another room away from where you are, dunno, unless she turns out to be the murderer, it's her that'll miss out a bit, not anyone else if it takes longer than expected!

These things are freeform no? Not some script people have to follow on pain of death!

IhaveChillyToes · 18/10/2017 17:49

I was going to say get BF neighbour to be the dead body so it doesn't matter if she is there or not but then see it is reverse so presume you want to guess, so no idea

Londonmamabychance · 18/10/2017 17:51

Jeez, hats not very friendly or accommodating or sisterly of you. If you're friends, act like a friend.

Stillonthatbloodycomputer · 18/10/2017 17:52

What sort of friend are you, this woman is probably so looking forward to a break and you're more concerned about ruining your game I can't believe anyone is that selfish, I've hosted one of these parties and I recall we had a 3 course meal and the game was played between courses, it's called adapting to a situation ffs

SandSnakeofDorne · 18/10/2017 17:52

Most women take more than four months maternity leave. The options aren't sahm or back to work within weeks. I'm self employed and have been doing bits of work for months. My (prem) baby still needs milk at night because she's tiny. She might well be night feeding if she was bottle fed. Let other women make their choices and try not to make things harder for them by acting like breastfeeding is martyrdom.

MadMags · 18/10/2017 17:54

Does nobody bother to actually read threads on MN anymore??

oblada · 18/10/2017 17:55

A lot of babies wake up at night. Bf babies may want to feed, some for nutrition some for comfort and reassurance. There are lots of ways for women to cope with that. Co-sleeping being one. I returned to work when my first was 5months old and she wouldn't take a bottle during the day (Bf) so yes she did feed a lot at night to compensate. Nothing wrong with that.

Going back on the thread - I agree with the majority here it's rly not a big deal to have a little break!! Who needs enemies when you have neighbours like this!

Threenme · 18/10/2017 17:55

I agree with the poster who said that this thread does not help the promotion of bf. I have bottle fed all of mine, I had my reasons like anyone else but honestly it was a choice not that I couldn't. I have the odd niggle of whether I shouldn't have but it is things like this that Confirm I couldn't have coped with bf.

gluteustothemaximus · 18/10/2017 17:57

Bet the mother in question is really looking forward to her fun night out!

I expect she would be upset if she knew she was supposed to decline her invitation.

If one of you needs a poo, are you going to say ‘for fucks sake why didn’t you decline the invitation’.

For what it’s worth, dc3 could feed in 10 minutes other 2 took fucking ages

Also my 20 month old still has a feed in the night. I also work

Try and incorporate it into the story. Breastfeeding, not having a poo.

Grin
MadMags · 18/10/2017 18:03

Ffs! OP is the mother in question!