To buy my DD lots of pink things?

[BAMBOOO20]

After recent comments from family members, I’m hoping you can help me to figure out if I’m getting this massively wrong.

DD1 is 4. She is very obsessed with the colour pink. She loves dolls and she loves make up (glued herself to my side while I do mine every morning). If given a choice of products, she always wants pink.

When she was younger, I gave her very much a mixture of toys & games and certainly didn’t always choose the more stereotypically girly option although I possibly did buy more pink than blue. Her preferences were clear very early on in terms of toys & books etc.

It has just been her birthday, I don’t buy her much throughout the year so buy her quite few bits & bobs that she has asked for at her birthdays. As expected, these were all very much “pink & fluffy”.

The way I see it is if had a son and he liked these things (the things which my DD does), i wouldn’t force trucks, diggers & superheroes on him. I’d follow his lead, as I’ve done with DD.

Basically, I’ve had family members saying she should be given more gender neutral toys etc and having a bit of a dig at me. Have I got this whole thing wrong? Should I get her the gender neutral option rather than the pink one, if she likes the pink one best?

I depends what the thing is.

Something like a bike, which you might want to hand on, then no. Something where the real life item isn't pink, also no.

Maybe for clothes, stationery, fripperies etc.

And yes, some other stuff is good to have, so her tastes can mature in an environment other than a sea of pink.

Also, DH painted her bedroom pink when she was 18 months and this was also brought up by family members. Her carpet in our rented accommodation was blue so I just wanted to balance it out a little as it did look like a typical boys room before hand. Sorry I know I shouldn’t probably say that but I’m trying to be honest here.

I would always try and get some gender neutral stuff for my kids. Because I would give some presents that I think they would enjoy but wouldn’t necessarily choose and some of the tat they knew they wanted!

I would also consider it rude if people felt it was appropriate to comment on what I got my own kid for their birthday though. They can choose their own gift to give.

Tell ur family members to shut up. It's just a colour. If it offends them so much they should get a life. Your child sounds happy & loved and that's all that matters.

So long as the pink version of a toy (clothes, shoes, whatever) works as well as the equivalent non-pink version then there's really no problem.

As far as choice of toys etc goes apart from the colour, then go for a mix - some of the 'fluffy' stuff she's asked for, but some other things too.

I don't see anything wrong with this, my 8yo DD hates pink & fluffy, so I buy her the things she does like, just like you've done.

If she loves the colour pink, then ignore those telling you she should be having gender neutral colours etc! How ridiculous.

It does sound like you have the colours pink and blue firmly linked to gender.

There’s really no such thing as a typical boys room. Could have just painted the walls magnolia.

DD at her age wanted her room pink. Then last year she wanted to magnolia. Maybe in a few years she'll want it bright green. Who knows. If that's how she wants to express herself then so be it. And yet at the same time she refuses to play with her dolls and walks around in a bob the builder helmet!

ThursdayLastWeek. I like that idea ☺️

Your daughter has expressed an interest in the colour pink, in girly things. I see absolutely nothing wrong with giving her what she likes. It might be worth including a few non pink and fluffy things in her birthday kit.. like some sciencey or sporty activities, just to give her access to it. People are full of opinions when it comes to other people’s children aren’t they?

The thing is, she isn't choosing pink in a vacuum. She's choosing pink in a social context where girls are expected to like pink, and where other options are closed off. You did this yourself when you classified a blue carpet - when she was only 18 months old! - as being suitable for a boys' room, and not just a carpet that happened to be blue. (I've got blue curtains in my bedroom - am I a boy?)

Oh I see she already had her birthday. Ignore me. You do what you think is best for your child.

Can I add, blue is actually my favourite colour so I’m not stuck on pink for girls, blue for boys.

Pink is just a signifier- by banning it, you would be reinforcing and perpetuating the gender divide it signifies.

It is what pink has come to signify which must be challenged- I think this is best done by encouraging boys to wear it, not discouraging girls from doing so. Discouraging something that (rightly or wrongly) is used as shorthand for female in our society can inadvertently communicate the message to girls that 'girly = weak, bad, to be avoided', and that 'male' pursuits are somehow more valuable, when the opposite is true.

WRT play- there are activities traditionally associated with girls; hair plaiting, making daisy chains, skipping, handclapping, dolls etc.

There can be a 'climbing trees' mentality- by this, I mean, climbing trees, getting messy and playing with trains is seen as the best form of play and something which all children should do. It is often used almost as a badge of honour by parents describing their DD's play. Where does this leave all the play traditionally associated with girls? Is getting muddy and climbing somehow better than skipping? Are trains better than dolls? Or do those activities have a higher status because they have been traditionally associated with boys?

If she is asking for pink things then get her pink things.

Yanbu, if the child likes pink why the hell not

I bloody love Pink always have, I buy many things pink and I’ve manged to do ok in life so no harm done!

TL:DR- encourage boys to have pink stuff instead of encouraging girls to avoid it.

If she only liked blue nobody would be telling you to force pink on her. She's old enough to have preferences, so why not let her choose pink?

I would make sure she has access to a wide range of toys, so building bricks, toy cars, toy toolkit etc as well as dolls, toy kitchen, etc

But if she chooses pink and girly then that's her choice. Your job is to keep providing that choice rather than only offering girly stuff. Which you're doing.

I don't see a problem with buying her things she likes. I buy my dcs things they like.

My little 6yr old is a proper girly girl. I am not. I follow her lead but I do try to get toys to play with(e.g. her Xmas gift is a playmobil hospital) as well as nail varnish and pink fluffiest. She loves Barbies, my little ponies, ra ra skirts and make up. She has surprised me by catching the ninjago bug off her cousin so we all saw that this weekend. I no more commented on ninjago than I do on barbies!

YANBU. As long as you teach your children that they don’t have to like pink/blue or be girly/sporty then there really is no harm in just letting them like what they like.

Of course she might be influenced in her choices but who isn’t? I love make up and dresses, I have no doubt I wouldn’t wear make up if I was a bloke but I’m not going to stop doing what I like as some kind of middle finger to society. I doubt anyone would really care anyway.

Your kid, your choice.

Pink is her favourite colour, that has nothing to do with gender.

One thing I will say though is that you seem very set on pink/blue and gender stereotyping. Not necessarily that you are forcing it on her but in your ideas, i.e. blue carpet needs "balancing out" which she could be picking up on.

Well, it depends. DS2 (also 4) loves pink - and he has pink stuff, if there's a choice, he'll generally choose the pink option, which is fine. BUT I try to buy a variety of colours, because I do not want to get to that stage I've seen with other kids, where if it's not they won't use it. Life is too short for fights over who gets the pink cup with breakfast!

Personally I would buy a range of colours. Some pink fluffy stuff of course, but not everything pink, particularly clothes. I think many people treat little girls as more delicate/babyish/less capable when they're dressed in frills or pink fluffy sparkly things. Gender stereotyping is very real. Fancy dress days aside, I want my DD to wear clothes that are warm, practical and don't hamper her movement in any way. I don't want her to worry about getting muddy or be restricted by a pretty dress. Most of her toys are gender neutral because 'boys' toys tend to encourage skill development, problem solving, spatial awareness etc.