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Original poster

To buy my DD lots of pink things?

103 replies

BAMBOOO20 · 17/10/2017 18:34

After recent comments from family members, I’m hoping you can help me to figure out if I’m getting this massively wrong.

DD1 is 4. She is very obsessed with the colour pink. She loves dolls and she loves make up (glued herself to my side while I do mine every morning). If given a choice of products, she always wants pink.

When she was younger, I gave her very much a mixture of toys & games and certainly didn’t always choose the more stereotypically girly option although I possibly did buy more pink than blue. Her preferences were clear very early on in terms of toys & books etc.

It has just been her birthday, I don’t buy her much throughout the year so buy her quite few bits & bobs that she has asked for at her birthdays. As expected, these were all very much “pink & fluffy”.

The way I see it is if had a son and he liked these things (the things which my DD does), i wouldn’t force trucks, diggers & superheroes on him. I’d follow his lead, as I’ve done with DD.

Basically, I’ve had family members saying she should be given more gender neutral toys etc and having a bit of a dig at me. Have I got this whole thing wrong? Should I get her the gender neutral option rather than the pink one, if she likes the pink one best?

OP posts:
Lairymilk · 17/10/2017 18:51

The only reason pink is her favourite colour is because she's been conditioned by society to choose it. It's got nothing to do with the colour itself.

Up to you whether you encourage that or not really.

harlandgoddard · 17/10/2017 18:52

I also think people don’t treat boys the same way. Nobody has a problem with boys liking blue/trucks/dinosaurs, yet pink and girly is somehow seen as bad. Or is it just me?

user1472334322 · 17/10/2017 18:52

Personally I think buy what she likes, otherwise you end up with a house full of things that are never used. I have two ds and both like things like superheroes, pokemon, cars, trains etc...things that are seen as boyish I guess. However ds1 went through a phase of loving 'frozen' and would dress up as elsa all the time. Ds2 loves the trolls movie and has loads of princess poppy toys. My friend's dd is right into princesses and pink but is also into jumping in puddles and getting messy as much as my boys. I agree that gender stereotypes are not on but still think kids have a right to have their own opinion on what they like.
Get dd pink things if that's what she wants and tell anyone who says something to butt out!

chajazam · 17/10/2017 18:53

I had a pink bedroom growing up in the 80's. I also had a "boys" bike and coveted my friends dainty bike with basket. My bike was better though! I was still a tomboy until 14 but now love make up way more than any of my friends but and hold the most feminist views of any of them. They are mostly just toys and colours! Teaching her to be kind yet still put her needs first, not automatically being kind no matter what someone says to her is far more important imo. But for what it's worth (as an aunt, not a mum) the only thing I have expressed a strong preference for, and in my family this opinion would be considered, is that the girls are not given any cleaning products as toys. Those toy hoovers with the happy little girl on the front really get to me!

Original poster
BAMBOOO20 · 17/10/2017 18:54

zoopdragon this was exactly my argument to my family. She lives in black leggings, black converse and a kakhi jacket. She wears the odd denim dress but hardly owns any pink clothes. My younger DD (18 months) wears pink more often because she really suits the colour. Coincidentally DD2 loves rough and tumble, toy cars and stacking blocks. Loves getting messy etc.

OP posts:
ZoopDragon · 17/10/2017 18:54

By 'boys' toys or gender neutral I mean construction kits, toy garage with cars, puzzles, lego, things you build and solve. They are often in the 'boys' section.

Ttbb · 17/10/2017 18:54

Everything we get for outboys is either gender neutral (10%) or boyish (the rest). No one has ever said a thing about it. I get the feeling that this whole gender neutral is far more one sided than it should be. It stinks of misogyny to me ( although I will openly admit that if I had daughters I would buy more gender neutral stuff that that's purely because I hate pink, not because I don't want to indulge their femininity).

abbsisspartacus · 17/10/2017 18:56

My son likes pink people take issue with that too you can't please everyone don't even try

grasspigeons · 17/10/2017 18:56

Buy her the pink stuff. I am the most toys are toys person, who gets irritated by marketing pushing pink, pink, pink - but I wouldn't stop a little girl having pink stuff.

The only thing you need to do is make sure she sees that 'boy' stuff is for her too. Make sure she also gets that microscope or history book (both things I've seen labelled as for boys)
I imagine she'll grow out of it quick enough.

randomsabreuse · 17/10/2017 18:57

My 2yo DD likes pink, I hated it growing up but have grown to tolerate if it's cheaper than a non-pink equivalent...

I buy her pink clothes and shoes to limit the battles and will buy pink if the pink option is no more expensive than not.

Pink works well with her colouring so I have rolled with the punches - I was determined she wouldn't have pink stuff until I realised she's not me and is her own person..

SheepyFun · 17/10/2017 18:58

My DD (4) is also very girly. I'm really not, so have tried to rein it in, but have more recently tried to be more relaxed - I keep telling myself that the colour of her clothes is very unlikely to be my biggest concern when she's a teenager.

LadyWire · 17/10/2017 19:00

I am a feminist. I totally agree with gender neutral toys etc. Don't think you should ever force either boys or girls into a type or colour of clothes. I also love pink and fluffy things and I firmly believe that if that's what she likes then that's what she should get!

Itsanicehotel · 17/10/2017 19:00

before she was able to express her opinion I got DD virtually all gender neutral toys, clothes and bedroom colours. When she was able to ask for things she really wanted dolls, a pram and to have some dresses. I have no problem with that. The dolls etc became one more thing she enjoyed along with construction toys, jigsaws, sticking boxes and yoghurt pots together to make things etc. If your DD wants pink and make uppy presents this year that should be ok but I’d make sure she had other toys around that encouraged other sorts of play and ideas.

ErrolTheDragon · 17/10/2017 19:06

Also, OP and sheepy - they're four. The pink fluffy phase may not last many years more.

LassWiTheDelicateAir · 17/10/2017 19:11

There can be a 'climbing trees' mentality- by this, I mean, climbing trees, getting messy and playing with trains is seen as the best form of play and something which all children should do. It is often used almost as a badge of honour by parents describing their DD's play. Where does this leave all the play traditionally associated with girls? Is getting muddy and climbing somehow better than skipping? Are trains better than dolls? Or do those activities have a higher status because they have been traditionally associated with boys?

Ooh goodness yes. The "climbing trees" as the acme of play really irritates me. It isn't even that great an activity - you climb up and you climb down.

Compared to the complex skipping games (long rope with 2 people holding for group skippers) or individual rope or Chinese skipping or hopscotch ("beddies" where I came from) climbing trees had little to offer.

Myheartbelongsto · 17/10/2017 19:12

I'm pretty sure your 4 yr old is not aware of you balancing out the room as a previous poster suggested.

But, I could be wrong.

PolkaDottyRose · 17/10/2017 19:14

If your little girl loves pink, then you buy her pink. It matters not a jot what anyone else thinks, all that matters is that she is loved and happy, and she clearly is. Enjoy her and embrace the pink without fear or shame.

Fruitcorner123 · 17/10/2017 19:19

Buy her what she has asked for. Not buying her the colour she likes isn't actually being gender neutral really it's just forcing her to play with toys just because they don't fit the stereotype.

However you can make sure she is exposed to other types of toys and activities too through playgroup and playdates etc. ( you are probably doing this anyway of course!)

Your family sound massively interfering.

BoomBoomsCousin · 17/10/2017 19:21

I wouldn't overdo anything - no one colour, no one type of toy, no one character from TV, etc. People need variety to be well rounded. This goes for boys too - obsession with trucks or camo or football or whatever shouldn't lead to the elimination of all other types of toys and stimulation.

That doesn't mean she shouldn't get a bit more of the types of things she says she wants. Just not everything!

Dizzywhore · 17/10/2017 19:35

She's 4, she likes pink girly stuff. So what! Nothing at all wrong with her liking to be girly. She's a girl! You get her what you want too. She's your child! It might be so grows out the girly stage, she might not. I know lots of lovely girly grown women who are bright, level headed people. Nothing wrong with a bit of pink.
Enjoy your little girl and all she brings x

gamerwidow · 17/10/2017 19:39

Most girls go through a pink phasei I’d just indulge it.
I tried really hard to buy Dd only gender neutral clothes and toys but as soon as she could express and opinion it was all pink and sparkly dresses and tutus.
Now she’s 7 she’s completely changed her mind again and only wants ‘cool’ stuff so we’re back shopping in the boys section for cars and dinosaurs and space stuff.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 17/10/2017 20:11

I don't like pink, not because of it being stereotypically girly or anything as deep as that, i just think its a horrible colour. DD's room is under the sea themed, so blue with a coral reef and every colour fish I could think of and she had very little pink clothing, she pretty much lived in denim dungarees/dungaree shorts and bright colour tops til she was about 5, because she looked adorable in them. She is 9 this week, and everything she has asked for is pink, my little pony or barbie. Some girls just like pink fluffy things and there is nothing wrong with that, as long as it's their choice, not just because they are girls.

Sugarcoma · 17/10/2017 20:18

Read Cinderella Ate My Daughter. Staunch feminist writer coming to terms with her daughter's love of all things pink and fairy tales.

She quotes some research in it that 4yo is the time girls go crazy for pink because they start to notice sex (not gender) and want to conform to gender stereotypes to feel explore their sense of self (or something along those lines).

Nothing to worry about.

stargazer2030 · 17/10/2017 23:27

I did the same as you op. Dd liked pink - her favourite colour for a while. She grew out of it (not that I minded).
Just go with what she likes and asks for. Don't try to force anything on her and ignore other people.

loopsdefruit · 17/10/2017 23:33

I'm 26, my current favourite colour is pink and I definitely love the "glitter, pink and fluffy" stuff. When I was younger my favourite colours were blue, red, orange, and purple. I started liking pink around age 16...and it's remained lol I don't think I was brainwashed lol sometimes you just like a colour because you do. Pink is a great colour IMO and has a ton of different shades to choose from, not just 'baby pink' or 'barbie pink'.

Let your daughter lead, if she likes it, go with it.