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AIBU?

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Original poster

to ask why is it acceptable to say you hate kids?

260 replies

allegretto · 16/10/2017 14:39

Prompted by a certain female comedien saying this (whom I love btw!), it seems that it is the last taboo. By all means say you are not a child-person, you don't want kids etc but HATE them? You wouldn't be able to say that about any other group of people (and kids are people), so why do people say it about children?

OP posts:
hellswelshy · 16/10/2017 17:47

I find it very rude to be honest. I was once in a lift with my twin dd's and a person who worked in the same building as me looked at my daughters, wrinkled her nose and stated 'Urgh I don't DO kids ' Shock
I was very taken aback, as I hadn't asked her to admire my children or anything, or invited any sort of comment at all. I respect any woman's choice to not have children but please don't insult my choice in such an unpleasant almost petulant manner. I still feel annoyed about that 7 years on!!!

brasty · 16/10/2017 18:04

peterpan I used to hear those things from parents.

Mittens1969 · 16/10/2017 18:19

What I don’t get is why these child haters are so rude with it. Why announce that you hate children to people who have their own or work with them? It’s actually quite childish, curiously.

Papafran · 16/10/2017 18:34

What I don’t get is why these child haters are so rude with it. Why announce that you hate children to people who have their own or work with them? It’s actually quite childish, curiously

Look, as others have said, sometimes people say these sorts of things because they actually can't have their own children. The backlash the other way is even worse- it seems to be totally acceptable to badger women about when they are going to have kids, saying shit like 'ooh it suits you' if they hold a child, making horrible remarks about people who don't have children being selfish, saying stuff like 'you wouldn't understand, you don't have kids', refusing to recognise any caring commitments that are non-child related as being important. I could go on and on. So yes, sometimes it might take a short sharp 'I hate kids actually' to get people to shut the hell up and mind their own business.

Melondramatic · 16/10/2017 18:37

It’s actually quite childish

I find it childish too. It's exactly like kids piping up 'I dot like x,y,z' in front of x,y,z. You just don't need to announce your dislikes to everyone. Kids are taught that quite early

Melondramatic · 16/10/2017 18:40

Its entirely different to women being 'allowed' to not want kids/have no interest in kids

DaisysStew · 16/10/2017 18:41

I think it's the word hate that gets me. I dislike dogs and cats... but hate? That's really nasty and harsh especially as they haven't done anything to me, I just don't see the appeal, get no pleasure from them and would rather not be around them. Same as some people are with kids.

So by all means say you dislike them, but hate is unnecessary.

Ttbb · 16/10/2017 18:45

Because a lot of people do?

Pengggwn · 16/10/2017 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DaisysStew · 16/10/2017 18:53

Because a lot of people do?

But what have these children ever done to warrant such venom towards them apart from simply exist?

Like I say, you can dislike children all you want, but hate should be reserved for people who are evil/have done something awful, not innocent children.

Shoxfordian · 16/10/2017 18:55

I've almost definitely been guilty of saying I hate children

In my experience it's because I see so many children misbehaving and screaming out in public or the weird starey thing they do. Also all the noise and running around.

I sometimes think the Victorians had the right idea with "seen and not heard"

Shoxfordian · 16/10/2017 18:55

I've almost definitely been guilty of saying I hate children

In my experience it's because I see so many children misbehaving and screaming out in public or the weird starey thing they do. Also all the noise and running around.

I sometimes think the Victorians had the right idea with "seen and not heard"

Shoxfordian · 16/10/2017 18:57

Oops apologies for double post

Sallystyle · 16/10/2017 19:01

Hating children is just a bit pathetic isn't it?

I understand not wanting children, I understand not even being interested in other people's children, but to hate them? I don't hate a group of people just because of what age they are.

People can say what they want but to say you hate children just makes you look pathetic really. And about two years old yourself.

Pengggwn · 16/10/2017 19:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JassyRadlett · 16/10/2017 19:02

The backlash the other way is even worse- it seems to be totally acceptable to badger women about when they are going to have kids, saying shit like 'ooh it suits you' if they hold a child, making horrible remarks about people who don't have children being selfish, saying stuff like 'you wouldn't understand, you don't have kids', refusing to recognise any caring commitments that are non-child related as being important.

And let’s be clear, those people are also twats.

Littlechip · 16/10/2017 19:03

Do you always take statements made in jest so seriously?

If someone says ‘I love children’ do you start to worry about whether they’re a peedo?

So much Puritan, offence-avoiding, language- policing about at the moment. Get a grip.

brasty · 16/10/2017 19:05

I have a lot of sympathy for those who have child free weddings.Its fine if you marry young and most of your friends haven't had kids. But I went to one that had about 30-40 young kids there. It really was more like having a wedding in a nursery.

The80sweregreat · 16/10/2017 19:06

I know people who hate old people and children!
Its weird , but we're all different.

Amd724 · 16/10/2017 19:14

I was going to say the same thing Peng!

If you don’t have any old people you like to be at your wedding, you don’t invite them. And they don’t show up because they think they should.

When you have friends with kids, they fully expect that invite to include not just the couple, but their kids as well. You have to be explicit and say, I’m inviting you, not your entire family, to my wedding. It’s not rude, its fine for you to say you don’t want your friends kids at your party that will be catered/planned as an adult only affair. Find a babysitter.

I say this as someone who is one week away from giving birth to my first child. I do not expect all invitations to now include my little baby, I expect on many occasions I’ll need to find a babysitter. And, I’m already looking forward to the adult only occasions.

DeadButDelicious · 16/10/2017 19:35

I can't speak for all child free women only myself (when I was one, I'm not anymore) but before I had my DD's I didn't want children at all. And it wasn't because I hated them, it was just much easier to let people think that because saying that I just didn't view myself as good mother material and believed children should be had because you want them not because you feel like you should have them, wasn't a good enough reason for some people. Any gap in defences would be ruthlessly gone after 'oh you should just have them! You'll love it' 'but you'd be a good mum' etc etc. Saying that I hated kids or at least disliked them usually shut the conversation down quite quickly and I could go about my day.

Puppymouse · 16/10/2017 19:42

I’m really really not a fan of children. Avoid them wherever possible. Despite being a mum . But hate is a very strong word and I wouldn’t use it in this context.

WhooooAmI24601 · 16/10/2017 19:44

It's probably odd but I don't mind it when people dislike children. I have children, I work with children, I love them. But I'm fine with folk who can't cope/don't like them. It doesn't demean how I feel about children or lessen the love I have for my own.

OhtoblazeswithElvira · 16/10/2017 19:48

Right let's see how it sounds:

I hate old people
Win a free weekend in our pensioner-free resort
No old people after 11pm
No pensioners allowed at the bar
Women should be seen and not heard
Ew I don't do old people

Nah it sounds awful.

Yanbu

LiveLifeWithPassion · 16/10/2017 19:56

I know people who aren’t interested in kids at all. I think that’s fine. There aren’t many people I know who are deluded enough to think everyone should adore their offspring.
I’m intrigued by why people say they hate kids, as opposed to not being interested in them. What makes the feeling so intense? Is it genuine hatred or is it more for a reaction?

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