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Original poster

I think the golden rule for men should be...

297 replies

brasty · 16/10/2017 13:51

.

I think the golden rule for men should be...
OP posts:
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6
Floisme · 16/10/2017 15:39

I've read a number of posts on various threads today from men (or posters claiming to be men). I haven't seen a single one saying, 'Oh my god is it really like that? I had no idea. Please tell me about it. I'm not sure what I can do but I'm listening.' (Apologies if any men have posted that but I've not seen it.)

All I've seen have been attempts at humour and sulky 'Jeez we're not allowed to do anything' comments - like we've seen on this thread.

Thoroughly dispiriting.

overnightangel · 16/10/2017 15:43

A man on the train last week said he liked my guns and roses t shirt, asked where I got it and we had a thoroughly pleasant conversation for half an hour then went our seperate ways. Should I be offended on behalf of women everywhere ?

category12 · 16/10/2017 15:48

Pretty sure a man could safely say "I like your guns n roses t-shirt" to another man. You totally missed the point there, overnightangel, but have a Biscuit.

pastabest · 16/10/2017 15:48

Well no, over because a man probably wouldn't have any problem with another person having that conversation with him in prison.

That's kind of the point of the thread.

Had the man said 'I love your guns and roses shirt but I think it would look better on my bedroom floor' then that would have been more problematic.

AuntLydia · 16/10/2017 15:48

No overnight because that isn't remotely what anyone is talking about.

HerOtherHalf · 16/10/2017 15:51

Floisme

You are discounting the possibility that there are men who do get it and don't need to ask if it's really like that, some/many of us know. You'd have to be blind or ignorant not to.

Floisme · 16/10/2017 15:57

It would be nice to think that's the case Her but I've not seen any posts to that effect either. As I've said, the only comments I've read from male posters today have been toe curling attempts at humour and sheer adolescent truculence.

Joshpaws · 16/10/2017 16:02

Get over it cappu what’s it to you?

MrsHathaway · 16/10/2017 16:03

I've read a number of posts on various threads today from men (or posters claiming to be men). I haven't seen a single one saying, 'Oh my god is it really like that? I had no idea. Please tell me about it. I'm not sure what I can do but I'm listening.' (Apologies if any men have posted that but I've not seen it.)

Flo, I haven't seen it here, but I have seen it on fb. Men expressing dismay and solidarity and asking how best to challenge the norms to make things better. "I try to do this, is that helpful? Would it help if I ..." etc.

WonderfulWomenRock · 16/10/2017 16:04

It's really disappointing and dispiriting that men, even many of the so-called "good guys", seem to need information and instructions on this most basic of human interactions spoon fed to them - in a humorous "how to" meme.

But yeah, good on him for actually engaging with the subject.

Floisme · 16/10/2017 16:06

That's good to hear. Maybe I should decamp to Facebook.

StormTreader · 16/10/2017 16:06

I really like this as a guideline, although I suspect a depressing number of men would say "but thats different, Im not gay" and therefore conveniently "not getting" the point because they dont want to have to admit that they do get it, its just not something they want to stop doing.

BertrandRussell · 16/10/2017 16:08

"So so many 'all men are bastards' threads on MN at present (taking various forms).
It's truly depressing"
Why don't you see if you can find 3 threads where anyone says anything like "all men are bastards"? Actually, no. One thread. Off you go. I'll wait.

Mustang27 · 16/10/2017 16:08

Honestly would pay money for men not to chat me “up”!! It’s unbelievably uncomfortable i hate it and always will, in my 30s so I’m assuming il be invisible soon enough though Grin.

Also arranged marriages?!? Hell No. Did you ever watch that married at first sight? It worked well for all those couples didn’t it??........erm no it did not. That was with all sorts of psychologists and specialists pairing them up as well. I’m sure your mum and dad could do better picking your spouse for you though Hmm.

Oh and I love interesting men, especially ones that can hold a conversation without reducing me to my body parts they are a rare and fine thing though.

Oh and the “smile love” comments, oh fuck right off with that but yet I do my womanly duty and look flustered and apologise and say “oh I am happy Sad” tbf this was often in a work/office scenario with someone I wasn’t even dealing with it’s just so weird but guts are never told to smile....ever.

HarmlessChap · 16/10/2017 16:13

We want men to exist. We are even quite happy to pass the time of the day with them while waiting for a bus or whatever. We just don't want to be harassed. It's really not a big ask is it?

Maybe but when this is on the same thread

I think it would be better still if men simply stopped trying to speak to women they don't know in public places at all. It's rarely welcome and usually leads to trouble.

You can see why those views come from.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 16/10/2017 16:13

in terms of making the woman interested in this random man who has intruded on her day

Well the last random chap who smiled at me and chatted to me in tesco very much did get me interested I ended up seeing him

AuntLydia · 16/10/2017 16:19

Harmlesschap - a bloke wrote that. I'm assuming he thought it was funny I.e. Well we might as well not talk to you at all then! So, yep, if those views came from anyone it was a man.

category12 · 16/10/2017 16:21

Considering that poster then went on to say "Considering the present state of relations bvetween the sexes, proper social introductions, chaperoned dates and arranged marriages are the safest way forward," harmlesschap, I am not sure it should be taken seriously. Hmm

overnightangel · 16/10/2017 16:21

@NeedsAsockamnesty

Now now that's disgraceful behaviour, having normal social interaction

@pastabest
I'm glad I'm not you

AdoraBell · 16/10/2017 16:24

Can't see that one my phone, place marking for later viewing.

OlennasWimple · 16/10/2017 16:25

I don't want to stop all interactions with strangers, men or women. I just don't want to be hit on or harassed.

Another good "rule" for men is that they should not be looking for consent when they have sex, but enthusiastic participation

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/10/2017 16:25

It isn't actually hard. It's only hard if you are a total arsehole.

If a woman smiles at you, you say something nice but not sexual. Is she still smiling? A little more than before? OK, you can carry on chatting.

Is she wearing headphones, looking at her phone or reading a book? Please fuck off, it is probably a sign she isn't interested. Is she doing a half-smile and one-word answers? Again, kindly fuck off. Are you shouting random shit at her without any indication she is interested? Again, fuck the fuck off. Are you in an isolated place, is her back to a wall, is she alone or in any way 'cornered' by you? Just don't. Are you touching her without permission? Really, really fuck off.

If she says, 'no' or 'I have a boyfriend' or any indication she is telling you to back off, please immediately fuck off. AND this one is important, no woman owes you her time. No, not even if you are 'nice' or 'just trying to be a good guy'. If you have to say it, it's not true. I call this the Posh Spice Rule.

Mustang27 · 16/10/2017 16:28

Another good "rule" for men is that they should not be looking for consent when they have sex, but enthusiastic participation

Good rule! That’s a great way to explain it.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 16/10/2017 16:34

harmlesschap

A man said that

He thought he was being funny

And now there have been a few posters who will trot off thinking thats what some women on mumsnet believe...when it was a man taking the piss

Pumperthepumper · 16/10/2017 16:34

I like it, it's a good rule to follow.