Page 11 | I think the golden rule for men should be...

KrytensNanobots · 17/10/2017 21:35

Krytens- do you want men to talk to you in a deserted railway carriage at midnight?

Talk, yes.
Harass, no. Harass including not taking cues of when a person is uncomfortable, or doesn't want to speak. Then you don't engage.
It's not rocket science. It's called decent, respectful behaviour.

Prideinmyplace2 · 17/10/2017 21:38

I accidentally clicked a fertility ad whilst scrolling along & I got shown a sperm burrowing into a a human egg, which I thought worth sharing.

After my wine o'clock drink I think I've come up with a solution! That those in the sisterhood who are completely off limits to men in public wear a badge with a red circle & a man in the middle with a red line going diagonally across. This would clearly signal males that they are not to approach except in v rare instances like a woman is about to be run over.

What do you think?

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 17/10/2017 21:40

I dont think you'd get many takers pride most people enjoy a chat

WhatWouldGenghisDo · 17/10/2017 21:42

Fab idea pride. Perhaps we could also carry a small card in our wallet inscribed 'I don't want to be raped' or similar.

Pumperthepumper · 17/10/2017 21:46

Pride or maybe the very, very, very few women who are happy to be approached could wear one with a man opening his mouth and a big tick next to it? Of course, they still won't know if that man is going to sexually harass them unfortunately.

BertrandRussell · 17/10/2017 21:51

"It's not rocket science. It's called decent, respectful behaviour."

So why don't men do it?

Willowy · 17/10/2017 21:52

I think it should be instilled at home and discussed in schools. I’d be horrified if my sons harassed females or anyone for that matter.

BertrandRussell · 17/10/2017 21:53

And do you ever wonder why men tend not to approach other men they don't know for a chat or to make new friends?

derxa · 17/10/2017 21:54

They really do talk about football. How stupid do you have to be to want to talk about that? I talk about it all the time. I watch it all the time. I've just watched the Champion's league matches.
Otherwise I mainly talk about farming with the women who help me run my farm. They're just like me. Straight talking. We work in a man's world and I like talking to men as well.
I worked as a teacher for years. The sisterhood it wasn't.

KrytensNanobots · 17/10/2017 21:55

So why don't men do it?

Again, some men DO. You can't tar the entire male population with the same brush.

Willowy · 17/10/2017 21:55

Bertrand, I might be barking up the wrong tree but I think a lot of boils down to society as a whole. Women and men are viewed differently in society. It can be subtle but it’s there. In film, tv, books, even newspapers.

Women are viewed as objects in media and I think this plays a big part. I’m not saying every one is going to harass someone or be harassed but I do think the way in which women and men are viewed plays it’s part in encouraging what men feel they are ‘entitled’ to

Njordsgrrrl · 17/10/2017 21:57

It's proper weird that isn't isn't it?And yet they never seem to whinge about this problem of unwelcolming men. I'm baffled tbh.

Willowy · 17/10/2017 21:57

Agree there’s nothing stupid about talking about football though. It’s on a par to me with discussing a book people like, or a tv show or a band that people like. It’s just what people like to discuss when with friends.

Njordsgrrrl · 17/10/2017 22:00

That was to BR. I think it might be to do with something other men are doing or not doing to them that makes simple friendship not a problem in general.

WhatWouldGenghisDo · 17/10/2017 22:13

I just asked my (male) partner what he would think if a bloke approached him at midnight in a deserted train and started chatting in a friendly way about e.g., football.

He needed a certain amount of persuasion to imagine the scenario because it struck him as unlikely. Once he imagined it properly he said 1) 'he's going to mug me' 2) 'he's off his face and might be violent' or 3) 'this is a scam, he's going to ask me for money'.

I conclude that they don't do this stuff to each other because they are well aware it's goady and intimidating

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 17/10/2017 22:23

what

My dh is so naive

I told him about this thread and he agreed with the premise, but he said 'you should say that if you wouldn't say it to a 14 year old school girl then you shouldn't say it'

I was like..'are you fucking kidding!!....do you know what some pond scum say to school girls!!'

He has no clue

WhatWouldGenghisDo · 17/10/2017 22:29

Rufus imagine a world where being a 14 year old schoolgirl exempted you from harassment

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 17/10/2017 22:30

what

I know

BertrandRussell · 17/10/2017 22:32

" You can't tar the entire male population with the same brush"

No.But as has been said several times already, discussing the way men as a class behave is not saying that this is the way each and every individual man behaves. It is obvious that enough men do behave in this way for it to be an issue.

TWINS77 · 17/10/2017 22:40

Love it!

Njordsgrrrl · 17/10/2017 22:41

Rufus your DH sounds like a good un' but as for understanding the scale of it.... I'm convinced mines is decent too, I can't imagine him doing anything like it but it really isn't on his radar....

HornyTortoise · 17/10/2017 22:46

There is a world of difference between thinking men should only approach women if they would also approach a man with the same comments and/or attitude.

Would men really tell other random men to 'smile' regularly?

Would they accuse another man who simply did not want to engage of being ignorant...possibly followed by 'bitch'? Or if the man made it fairly clear they didn't want to be talking to a randomer...wuld they keep trying to 'just have a conversation'?

Would they strike up random conversations with other men on buses, or on a street? Would they, when accidentally bumping into other men (and I mean genuine accidents, not 'accidents' such as pressing ones boner into arses on trains on puspose...'accidents' meaning, accidents that may also reasonably happen towards/involving another man also)...apologize but then follow it up with 'oh you are quite handsome aren't you', or 'what a lovely smile you have'...whilst 'just' complimenting, of course.

Would they when finding themselves sat next to another man on a bus, start chatting to them? What about if there were a few seats between them, but no phsyical person separating them?

Would they, upon finding themselves getting off the same stop as another man on a train, make a point of saying that they are heading in the same direction? And maybe ask where the man is going and why?

If in any of these situations, they would behave/speak the same way, then fair enough. If not, then just don't as its different behaviour based soely on the sex of the person on the recieving end, not 'just being friendly'

Yes some women like this. They may find it validating or they may simply be a chatty person. Their reasons for liking this behaviour are entirely their own.

But I don't think its unreasonable for men to bear the 'would you say the same to another man' in mind. Nor do I think the women on this thread are unreasonable for suggesting this.

Its not really 'don't ever speak to women you don't know'. Its much more about 'don't speak to women you don't know solely because they are a woman'.

Obligatory NAMALT, not all women like the same thing, and 'some women do it too' addition. As seems to be necessary.

DrKrogersfavouritepatient · 17/10/2017 22:47

You can't tar the entire male population with the same brush

No.But as has been said several times already, discussing the way men as a class behave is not saying that this is the way each and every individual man behaves. It is obvious that enough men do behave in this way for it to be an issue.

It's so exhausting.
I'm so exhausted.
It's so depressing and pointless trying to fight.

HornyTortoise · 17/10/2017 22:48

*There is a world of difference between thinking men should only approach women if they would also approach a man with the same comments and/or attitude. And thinking they should never under any circumstances approach women.

Knacked up my (long and detailed) post there. Didn't realise I had gone into quite so much detail either.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 17/10/2017 22:50

horny

Thats the bit some people in the real world seem to struggle with...if you wouldnt say it to a man dont say it

So your examples are perfect