AIBU about DSIS or am I Bridezilla?

[MrsEight]

I have NC for this I am not a troll.

In a few weeks I get married for the second time.

My sister tbh is being a bit of a cow

She is coming from abroad (within the EU) but arriving 2 hours before the ceremony and leaving first thing the next morning as doesn’t want to take her (not secondary school age) children out of school. Had a bitch to my mum about why I wasn’t getting married during (their) school holidays - my STBOH is in the military and wouldn’t be here then.

In view of the military connection there will be several guests and groom in full military regalia. DSIS messages me asking if it’s ok for her children to come in jeans as have no smart trousers. I suggest this is a little casual as it’s a wedding.

I offer clothes that my own children have grown out of (DSIS is not hard up) she accepts, then declines then says she is borrowing clothes from someone.

Then there is another problem with clothes for the kids (after I ask what colour button holes to order) and I ask if there is some financial difficulty and can I help and she says no she is just trying to avoid spending a fortune on “just one day” ffs it’s my bloody wedding and they are family.

AIBU to think she’s being ridiculous - it’s a couple of pairs of trousers for two pre teens.

I keep imagining them turning up looking like The Twits

Surely the first rule of any voluntary social engagement is either decline if it is inconvenient/too expensive/whatever, or if you accept then go with good grace and behave appropriately. Nearly all social occasions involve some form of inconvenience - whether expense, childcare, transport, time off work etc. Either go or don't go but then don't moan about it!

This is one of those ridiculous threads where for some reason the pack mentality kicks in and the twats are literally LINING UP to go 'oh, oh, but but but it HAS to be your fault somehow'

OP step away from the thread.

I can see what you mean.

Look, your sister is clearly trying to make some sort of point. Gawd knows what the issue really is, but the bottom line is that she resents the situation somehow. Everything you say illustrates that you've made the effort, kids included, for past events of hers and she's grudging doing even the basics of the same for you.

If you usually genuinely get on well, maybe there is something she is not telling you.

If you have a less than great, maybe competitive or unsupportive relationship in general, then par for the course.

My advice would be to ignore things as much as possible, seat her WELL out of the way and keep things light on the day. Fuck it. If she makes any more fuss in advance, calmly say you'd much rather her not come than come under duress, and mean it. If she goes in for any more passive-aggressive shit about clothing, tell her you aren't prepared for her and her children to look foolish by being clearly very underdressed so you will happily make sure they are sorted for clothes. Ignore ALL comments designed to flag up to you that SHE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOUR WEDDING and simply smile. And then remember this the next time her big birthday rolls around.

sailor you do realise that different areas have differnet transport options? My friends Mum lives in France. In summer there are 3 flights a week back ‘home’ in winter 2 flights a week. Ferry is an option every day but involves a 5 hour drive to get there.

Not everyone lives somewhere with on demand public transport!

Turning up to a wedding, ANY wedding in jeans says you can’t be arsed. The same goes for allowing your children to wear them for such an occasion. There’s a statement in there from your sister OP.

I think she’s being a knob but really, don’t let it spoil your day. Kids in jeans don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. If she doesn’t want to take her kids out of school that’s her choice and not yours to question. Be gracious and kill her with kindness.

Congratulations OP.

And I agree, it’s not an overseas wedding

Sirzy the local airport may not have decent flights however you cannot say that there is not an airport that will not have more regular flights.

5 hour drive to the ferry, perhaps an hour or so for loading and unloading, actual crossing around 2 hours if not more plus the drive time at the other side. Thats at least a 8 hour journey before being in the UK.

I struggle to imagine that there is not one regional airport within a 10 hour drive radius with frequent flights.

Known for being quite "glam" sounds like you are known for being quite up yourself

What nonsense.

What @FizzyGreenWater said.

I'm the kind of person who doesn't ever wear make up or style my hair.

But I agree that it is disrespectful to turn up dressed casually to a wedding. Expecially given the effort you've made for your sister travelling to NZ, your sister should stop being so moany.

Does it REALLY matter what they're wearing? At least she asked if was ok. I'd be happy she was bringing her family at all, seeing as she lives abroad and can only come for a short visit.

YANBU. She's being rude and a tit. Leave it, and if she is difficult again, I would suggest if it's too difficult for her to attend your wedding that you will miss her there but you understand. Step out of it.

And enjoy your day!

I can’t believe what I’m reading, it’s like some people come on here to deliberately have a pop at the OP like it’s some kind of sport for bored housewives.
In the real world ones sister getting married is a major family event. Our pre - secondary children would have been allowed to have time of if school for that without question.
IF the OPs sister lives in a country where it’s illegal to take them out of school no doubt she would have used this as her first excuse . OP hasn’t mentioned it so safe to say this isn’t an issue.
No OP YADNBU. It is NOT out of order to expect you nephews not to wear jeans at your wedding. Your sister sounds a real PITA. She should just have declined the invitation as you rightly said it wasn’t an order !
Enjoy your day !!

Sailor neither of us know the geography but do you really think anyone would make the trip more complicated/tight than it needs to be?

The op sister understandably doesn’t want the children missing school so has found a way to get there and mean they don’t miss school - I really can’t see how in any way that is wrong?

They aren’t flying because it’s “too expensive” we booked our wedding a year ago we also managed to book flights to same country DSIS lives in for OH brother bday this summer for £48 each.

Ffs. I've never seen anyone wear jeans at a wedding. And I've been to lots of different types of weddings.

Even a very very shabby chic (sorry) farm wedding nobody wore jeans. And it was on a working fucking farm.

And for those saying 'jeans can look smart' she also suggested joggers. I'd have told her to fuck off at that point as she's clearly being a goady fucker as are many of you.

I get it. It's not what she's doing but the way she's going about it. Such a load of unnecessary drama.

If you get a wedding invitation, you have 2 choices. Go, or don't go. But don't be a dick about it either way.

OP YANBU AT ALL

I'm so sorry your first husband died and I'm so pleased for you that you have met someone else who you have built a life with. That in itself is testament to your strength and courage.

It is entirely reasonable to assume that once your sister has accepted your invitation that she will turn up, GRACIOUSLY and dress herself and her family appropriately.

It's not a big ask. It's just the way things are done. Like most on here I've been to dozens of weddings, from St Paul's Cathedral to a drive thru in Vegas and you know every single time every guest has made an effort.

It's just what you do.

You are right - only on MN would you be slated for asking if your nephews could please not wear jeans at your wedding.

Have a fabulous day

I don't know why you are getting a hard time.
Your sister is being difficult. No one wears jeans to weddings FFS.
The very fact she asked you if it's okay just shows she is being passive aggressive. Ignore her and enjoy your day.

It’s not about photos at all.

I feel hurt that she can’t be arsed to be dressed appropriately and she is being such a martyr about her journey.

Do you really think that, just because they're wearing jeans, the children will look like the Twits? I'm assuming that's a joke. I'm assuming too that they'll still look presentable. All the talk of trousers makes me assume they're boys, and probably not as keen to dress up as some girls would be.

I agree it's a concern whether they'll get there in time, but that's always a risk of international or other long distance travel.

Sirzy I'd assume someone who hasn't bothered tpnsort outfits for their kids, despite a years notice, and complains about the OP not picking a date suitable for her, despite the groom not being there, would make things as hars as possible for themselves.

You can either get there in plenty of time, in the correct attire, without a fuss or you can't. You don't do the former and complain constantly.

OP YANBU at all. Of course jeans aren't acceptable attire for a formal wedding.

Don't tell me, they live in Holland don't they?

Have a wonderful day anyway OP. Many congratulations on your wedding

imtherealbummymummyotherisfake Well actually I made it very clear in my original posts that I thought the Op WANBU. However I also suggested if she wanted all guests to turn up in basically black tie then a dress code should have been included on the invitation. I've been to some seriously posh weddings and so and sos great aunt etc has turned up in smart jeans and a nice top. Just because you think a certain way does not mean everyone does.

I'm with OP, if her sister doesn't want to make an effort she should just not come. And if she is struggling financially right with timing, she shouldn't be griping at her sister and making her feel guilty, the bride has plenty of other issues to juggle without selfish sister drama!