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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about DSIS or am I Bridezilla?

465 replies

MrsEight · 16/10/2017 09:01

I have NC for this I am not a troll.

In a few weeks I get married for the second time.

My sister tbh is being a bit of a cow Sad

She is coming from abroad (within the EU) but arriving 2 hours before the ceremony and leaving first thing the next morning as doesn’t want to take her (not secondary school age) children out of school. Had a bitch to my mum about why I wasn’t getting married during (their) school holidays - my STBOH is in the military and wouldn’t be here then.

In view of the military connection there will be several guests and groom in full military regalia. DSIS messages me asking if it’s ok for her children to come in jeans as have no smart trousers. I suggest this is a little casual as it’s a wedding.

I offer clothes that my own children have grown out of (DSIS is not hard up) she accepts, then declines then says she is borrowing clothes from someone.

Then there is another problem with clothes for the kids (after I ask what colour button holes to order) and I ask if there is some financial difficulty and can I help and she says no she is just trying to avoid spending a fortune on “just one day” Sad ffs it’s my bloody wedding and they are family.

AIBU to think she’s being ridiculous - it’s a couple of pairs of trousers for two pre teens.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsEight · 16/10/2017 12:14

I hardly think I am being obnoxious.. Smile

OP posts:
SquedgieBeckenheim · 16/10/2017 12:15

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Child relatives of DH wore jeans and lumberjack shirts to our wedding. I still remember their exact outfits 6 years later! I remember thinking at the time "couldn't you have put them in school trousers and shirt". It's laziness IMO. Even my friends 3 month old looked smart!

arethereanyleftatall · 16/10/2017 12:16

At any of my Dhs friends/family weddings over in South Africa, there is none of these rules.

Wear what you like, enjoy the day.

I love their attitude so much more than the English one.

Kids would always be invited, and generally any plus ones you fancy.
So much happier.

In fact, dhs brother wore speedos and a tshirt when he was master of ceremonies at his sisters wedding. No one gave a shit.

sayyouwill · 16/10/2017 12:18

Taking children out of school is down to the parents and their own feelings on the matter. Makes no difference if and when or why you took yours out of school, you are not the parent to her children therefore you do not get to decide. She has made that decision not to disturb their education for an extra days travel for your wedding.. which they are still attending. So that's that!

Re the trousers, well she is being silly tbh. Everyone knows that jeans aren't appropriate. Unless she thought you may be going more casual with this being a second wedding? Did she know your DP and co will be in uniform?

Lastly, I don't think it sounds like she is making too big a song and dance about this. Everyone is entitled to whing at their own mother, so you can't be annoyed at her for that...

PandorasXbox · 16/10/2017 12:21

Just how is the Op being obnoxious broccoli?

AudacityJones · 16/10/2017 12:22

Man alive. We organised our wedding 5000 miles away with 25 days notice. (Terminally ill parent, late diagnosis). We had so many friends and family who spent money, time, effort coming to the wedding, a gesture I still appreciate years later. Many of them didn't have to - they just did it out of love and affection.

And here is a sister moaning about spending £50-100 on what is presumably a one hour flight and buying a couple of £10 chinos? I understand that in some situations an extra £200-300 can really break the bank but it doesn't sound like that's the issue here. Just sounds like the sister is cross for some reason and is wanting to moan about the wedding. What a twat!

And what's with the posters needlessly jumping on the OP too - you think such ungracious behaviour is genuinely acceptable from a sister? I don't fancy going to a friend's wedding next year - I declined and will send a gift. Why go an moan?

Headofthehive55 · 16/10/2017 12:24

I think you are being a bit of a bridezilla.
To her it is only one day - and as an attendee of many weddings I can tell you its can be dull and costly to arrange to go.

The chikdren may not want to wear trousers. I agree jeans aren't the best, but neither is falling out over what is a trivial thing.
I've known of couples that have married in jeans! In fact I'd have quite happily done the same. The marriage still counts irrespective of what your guests wear!

Some schools are difficult too regarding time off. Ours penalises the child through various "none 100%" attendance extras that they don't get.

imtherealbummymummyotherisfake · 16/10/2017 12:27

I'd really think about getting this thread taken down op. The papers have been lifting some utterly ridiculous shite recently. Last thing you want is her seeing it. And before you think she won't, I got very very outed recently. From 1000s of bloody miles away!

marcopront · 16/10/2017 12:30

I live overseas. Two years ago my brother got married. I took my daughter out of school for five days and took five days off work. The wedding was just before Christmas so we stayed.
I had ordered clothes for my DD in two different sizes so I could get the right fit.

It was my brother's wedding. I can't imagine missing it and I have chosen to live overseas so I have to expect inconveniences.

MinervaSaidThar · 16/10/2017 12:31

headofthehive

To her it is only one day - and as an attendee of many weddings I can tell you its can be dull and costly to arrange to go.

But this her sister? Who travelled all the way from New Zealand with tiny children to her sister's wedding?

Hollystyrene · 16/10/2017 12:32

if it really IS an issue, not having £15 spare money to spend on two pairs of chinos, then surely the non-goady sister merely dresses her sons up in the smartest possibly version of their jeans + shirts outfits and arrives at church with a bright smile on her face, and gets on with celebrating her sister's day?

Not pre-announce the fact that she won't be buying new outfits, and finds the whole thing a bit of a chore.

Is there some back story? Does she dislike the groom? Does she have strong feelings about your late partner? If my sister went through the pain of losing her husband, then healed enough to find a love that made her want to enter into marriage again, I'd be delighted for her.

PastaOfMuppets · 16/10/2017 12:32

OP it won't take much longer for the thread to be put on Daily Mail Online or for a relative to recognise you and your sister then it will all get back to her. If your sister is bring difficult and martyrish now, imagine how she'll be if she reads this all.

wednesdayrobyn · 16/10/2017 12:34

I cant believe the responses the op is getting on here, of course its assumed you dress smart for a wedding unless told otherwise? I've never been to a wedding with guests of any age wearing jeans, If anybody had turned up to my wedding in jeans i would have noticed and i would have found it rude, they are basically saying they couldn't be bothered to make the effort. I also don't know why anybody is saying its OK to make less effort for somebody second wedding? Its still a special day.

DancesWithOtters · 16/10/2017 12:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RhiWrites · 16/10/2017 12:37

OP, I get that weddings are 'smart' affairs in your book. But would you really look down your nose if you attended a wedding and saw teenagers in jeans. Would you really? Because that doesn't speak well of you or your guests.

Let it go. It doesn't matter. I suspect you're from dating on this because you feel your sister is unsupportive of you and doesn't pull her weight in elder care either. That's just how she is, you won't change it. Let it go. No one worth their salt will care.

Greyponcho · 16/10/2017 12:39

I second the “wear school trousers and shoes” option.
hope the SIL doesn’t turn up in an ivory dress

Gemini69 · 16/10/2017 12:39

I'd tell her to piss off.. not to bother 'wasting' a day travelling to something she clearly cares nothing for... tell her to save the travelling money and buy her kids trousers for the next funeral she considers attending... Flowers

you are NOT being a Bridzilla.. she's is being a pure schemy Bitch Grin

RedForFilth · 16/10/2017 12:40

Does it really matter? You're marrying someone you love, no? That should be all that matters imo. She knows when and where the wedding is, she comes or she doesn't. She is right about it being just one day. A wedding day doesn't make a marriage.
A close relative got married and it was my favourite wedding ever. Registry office followed by a picnic in the park. Only people there were immediate family who they loved dearly. The groom got married in flip flops! The only important thing that day was the two of them getting married. It was perfect.

PandorasXbox · 16/10/2017 12:46

I agree with getting this thread pulled also.
The last thing you need is the DM and such getting hold of it.

arethereanyleftatall · 16/10/2017 12:54

It's interesting that you've got about 70% of posters in your favour.
If your sister were the op, written from her POV, she think she would have had about 95% in her favour.

NikiBabe · 16/10/2017 12:59

It's your second wedding. How much crap and expense did she get at the first?

Maybe she just cant be bothered to do it again with you particularly when you have said her children is casual clothes will lower the tone of your formal military wedding.

Id tell you do one for that.

pasturesgreen · 16/10/2017 13:01

Are you really going to even notice, never mind be bothered, by the sort of trousers your nephews wear to your wedding? Ok then...Hmm

Pajamagirl · 16/10/2017 13:01

No one will care tbh what the kuds wear
Smart dark blue jeans would be ok, but if they are not those type of jeans then get plain black pants in primark
Step back from this , let her do whatever , and enjoy your day with your new husband

Congratulations (Flowers)

sharperpencil · 16/10/2017 13:10

YANBU.
She's behaving like a brat.
You've travelled miles for her yet she's making a drama about travelling for few hours.
Let her decide what her DC wear. If you're from an army family she'll know what's expected and will dress them suitably, and if she doesn't then it's her problem.
Try and enjoy the run up to your wedding and let all this nonsense wash over you.

paranoidpammywhammy2 · 16/10/2017 13:10

If it were a casual wedding then casual clothes would be welcome.

It's not. Smart, formal clothes are expected. Your sister must know this.

It's disrespectful to come in jeans. There's no reason for them to not be in smart clothes other than choice.

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