To tell friend actually I can't do free childcare after all

[SparklyUnicornPoo]

Friend asked me to help her out with childcare over half term as she said she's struggling financially and she couldn't afford childcare, or even to chuck me a few quid to cover her DD's food. Our DD's are best friends (which is how we met) I work in a school so am off anyway, so I agreed to have her 3 days over half term, for free, from 6am to early evening

Only today her facebook has been full of photos of her at a local event, with very expensive drinks, in a costume bought specifically for the event, with posts about the costs of drinks, food, babysitter etc. She had originally asked me to babysit today too, but not saying why, but I'd said no (because I wanted a rare lazy day, which by the way has been lovely)

It's really pissed me off. I don't mind helping out, I wouldn't have accepted any money offered anyway, I do mind her lying to me.

So WIBU to tell her I can't look after her DD? (half term is not for another week here)

I agree. That's why I think you are better saying nothing about FB. I liked another poster's suggestion of saying that on reflection it is too much for you to do three days. You could still offer to do 1 day.

But yes, she is a cheeky fucker.

Ask her about it as others have suggested. I suspect it's as the pp said who said 'not having money' means 'don't want to spend it on this'. But make her explain it. I then think the asking for meals is fair and offers a way to maintain the girls' friendship. What you can then do is, every time she asks for any childcare or similar favour in future, just say you can't. So she gets this one but at the cost of all future help.

I wouldn't cancel the child care if you agreed to do it for free anyway. I would be sending a message "oi, I thought you were skint, you better be getting the xyz in here, i am feeling a bit of mug seeing this"

@SparklyUnicornPoo Sat 14-Oct-17 22:36:12
oh sad I thought the cat was shocked on my behalf

I was shocked on Your behalf OP. My other post was just a stir to that poster

(((((Hugs)))

You're mad, Madd

She can't even give you money to feed her daughter for three days?

That's not on at all.

She'll be dropping her off at 6am??!!

Probably still in pyjamas & wanting breakfast.

I might not mention FB, but I'd be asking for money for food.

Mad I love that little dancing guy. Cannot stop watching.

Madd. I love your cats, and that dancing mad man is too cute.
I think ill be giving dp the elbow for him

Is that cat wearing lippy?

You're going to have to have to say something OP. It will really eat away at you if you don't. Even without this day out she was being cheeky, expecting you to feed her child for 3 days!

I can't believe how many CFS there seem to be around at the moment.

She's taking you for a mug, OP.

It just goes to show you how people/friends change over time, and how you don't actually know them well afterall despite all the chats/holidays/favours that have happened.

How much do you want to bet that she didn't bother to even look for alternative childcare before asking you?
Given nature of your job it's pretty common for some people to just assume that you 'should' be on hand for childcare during your own holidays, because "that's what you'll be doing anyway"....we call these people entitled cheeky fuckers.
Some people will be jealous that you get 'more holidays' than them, it isn't hard to imagine they would try to ruin your time off out of spite....

You're not exactly going to have much of a break from 'work' if you do this for 3 days from 6am til early evening.
The dc being friends at school should not influence you into accepting the role of 'doormat' that your so-called 'friend' has given you.

Real friends don't take the piss like this.
She even chose buying cheap tat over providing food for her own child!

Out of interest, how good is she at returning favours in kind?
Just wondering if she actually values you as a real friend, or is using your friendship so she can benefit from your 'perks'?

my fave is

What does CF mean

Cheeky Fucker

Cheeky Fucker.

Frigging SIX IN THE MORNING?!

Although Facebook is a weird reflecting mirror of reality, I don't know many people who would agree to go out (even for free or subsidised) when they literally had no money to feed their children for a week.

It's also weird and very cheeky to be mentioning how much everything cost in a way that they know the op will see. It's almost rubbing her nose in it.

I would comment on the Facebook thing. See what she says. If she's brazen just say the childcare doesn't work for you any more. I couldn't have three kids for 12 hours a day for over half the half term with absolutely no money for food/entertainment anyway

You sound a lovely friend op. Just don't want to see you taken advantage of

Who normally has her child from 6am if that's what time she goes to work?

think i would just take it as lesson learned .Could of been a present someone else paid or saved for months to treat herself without calling her out you won't know. You've committed now would do this once then never again . If you are not bothered about loosing this friendship just tell her straight you can afford to go there but no childcare .Also could it be she can't get child at 6 in the morning

Mad, rabbit one is bit too much for me, dancing guy is my favorite!

Her lying to me would be enough to know it wasn’t a real friendship, she’s using you for free childcare.

6 am starts for 12 hours free care when you yourself are on holiday is WAY beyond the call of duty for a friend. It’s also highly likely the girls will fall out and squabble after a few hours as that is just too long being stuck together.

I would do one day, depending on her attitude on speaking to her. I’d also ask her to bring a packed lunch and snacks for her daughter.

If she kicks up even the slightest fuss, just remember she’s not your responsibility. Walk away and smile knowing you’ve dodged a CF.
Another one with parenting responsibilities all wrong.

If she's a friend, how about telling her that you've hurt that she's lied about her reasons for wanting you to look after her daughter, that you don't mind helping but that it is harder work to look after another child especially when it's not your own and that you feel she is using the situation because you are able to help.

See what she says. Who knows, she could apologise profusely, say that you are absolutely right and that she shouldn't have done it, will maybe tell you more about her situation, and you can then decide whether to give her a second chance or not.

You have all the power here, it's your favour to give or withhold. You don't need to hold back or tell half-truths.

Just call her and say that you agreed to the childcare on the basis of the impression you were under that she didn't have money, but the pics on FB seem to suggest otherwise, and has the situation changed. You can withdraw or maintain your offer in accordance with her answer and behaviour.

I’d do the childcare as agreed. But you are right to question her spending habits in relation to the photos you saw.