To tell friend actually I can't do free childcare after all

[SparklyUnicornPoo]

Friend asked me to help her out with childcare over half term as she said she's struggling financially and she couldn't afford childcare, or even to chuck me a few quid to cover her DD's food. Our DD's are best friends (which is how we met) I work in a school so am off anyway, so I agreed to have her 3 days over half term, for free, from 6am to early evening

Only today her facebook has been full of photos of her at a local event, with very expensive drinks, in a costume bought specifically for the event, with posts about the costs of drinks, food, babysitter etc. She had originally asked me to babysit today too, but not saying why, but I'd said no (because I wanted a rare lazy day, which by the way has been lovely)

It's really pissed me off. I don't mind helping out, I wouldn't have accepted any money offered anyway, I do mind her lying to me.

So WIBU to tell her I can't look after her DD? (half term is not for another week here)

I'd still look after the DC, but would probably do something PA like commenting on the photo "Ooooh I wanted to go to that event but it was so expensive! BTW, do you still want me to have your DC next week?"

6 am is taking the piss! What time do you usually get up on your holidays!??
Also if she can't afford to give money or send food for her kids whilst you have them and is expecting you to buy it, then you've effectively paid for her drinks / costumes at the event, as you are now out of pocket. How does that make you feel OP?

For all those saying she should do the childcare in case it causes bad feeling. Is that really what we want to teach our daughters, 'give in to all pressure in case someone casts aspersions on your character'. Do you really see no correlation between this shit and Weinstein?

Could of been a present someone else paid or saved for months to treat herself

Regardless of how long I had saved for my “treat”, if I didn’t have enough money to feed my child, I would immediately spend my treat money on that. She is more important than my treats.

I hate it when people plead poverty in situations like this :(

Don't leave this unchallenged OP. Have her daughter for whatever suits you. A day, half a day, nothing.

Even if I won a night out and a costume I'd be trying to flog it so I could fund my child's half term.

And if someone else had paid, why would she post the cost on facebook?

I cant imagin how she could have saved all this money up yet couldnt afford to feed her own child!

Your child comes before a spending spree and a drunken festival gig.

I keep harping on about this but something's just...weird.

She posts all of this on facebook- cost included- where she knows you'll see it, right?

Is she purposely trying to goad you? Is this her way of saying "look what I've gotten away with"?

You can't police your friends spending.
Letting her down at this stage would be really low

What is low, is spending the money that should be feeding your dc on going out drinking!

How do people not die of shame in asking others to feed and care for their dc, so they can go out on the piss?

People get away with this because others are too nice to challenge it, instead turning thrmselves inside out to make excuses for it.
I would definitely not be doing this now.

If nothing else, it's just a massive insult to not even attempt to hide what she is doing - such is her contempt for you!

AllRoads -
Is she purposely trying to goad you? Is this her way of saying "look what I've gotten away with"?

Or she is thinking OP is such a Mug she wont do anything about this

Allroads because people like this are often delusional and living in their own little world, I guess. And because if challenged they'll just brass neck their way out of it and it won't bother them at all, the blatant hypocrisy and using they are carrying out.

@TheMadHugger that also! There's brass-necked fuckery and there's this...this...THIS!

And agsin, sorry for banging on...I'm like a dog with a boner at times when I get something in my head...

BONER????? BONE ffs!! Fuck a moose, my autocorrect has just hit a new low..

Allroads, what about a cat with a boner ?

Has she offered to cover all of your inset days?

Agree that direct is the best way to go. Looking forward to hearing about what she says.

Alls Good allroads

@TheMadHugger I'm one of the few who likes your random cat pictures 😁😁

OK Dont google Fuck Moose

I'm not googling anything. I am stepping away from my phone, as everytime I touch it, it gives me random boners on threads! 😁😁

Join me. It's safer lol

No just no

You can't police your friends spending

You can! If I am spending my time and money to help you out because you said you were really broke, and then I find out you lied, why should I still spend my time and money? Is it worth less than yours?

Letting her down at this stage would be really low

She's let herself down. She not only lied, she then was open and boasting about that lie. It's not just cheeky is nuts. Woman has more front than Blackpool, and slightly less class!

I don't envy the conversation, but I do think you should raise it. On one hand, she has plead poverty and difficulty ... and yet, clearly wasn't the case for herself. You didn't take a term-time job, with it's accompanying lower pay, so you could provide free childcare for other people's children and at the expense of taking your own children out as it suits you on whims. You took it for your own family's benefit.

So tell her you do question her essentially prioritizing her wants over her daughter's needs, and expecting you to carry her which shortchanges your own family essentially. She can afford fancy costumes and expensive drinks, but not snack money? Outing money? While you pull 12 hours days gratis looking after her kid?
Wow. No way.

OK Dont google Fuck Moose