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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell friend actually I can't do free childcare after all

329 replies

SparklyUnicornPoo · 14/10/2017 20:58

Friend asked me to help her out with childcare over half term as she said she's struggling financially and she couldn't afford childcare, or even to chuck me a few quid to cover her DD's food. Our DD's are best friends (which is how we met) I work in a school so am off anyway, so I agreed to have her 3 days over half term, for free, from 6am to early evening

Only today her facebook has been full of photos of her at a local event, with very expensive drinks, in a costume bought specifically for the event, with posts about the costs of drinks, food, babysitter etc. She had originally asked me to babysit today too, but not saying why, but I'd said no (because I wanted a rare lazy day, which by the way has been lovely)

It's really pissed me off. I don't mind helping out, I wouldn't have accepted any money offered anyway, I do mind her lying to me.

So WIBU to tell her I can't look after her DD? (half term is not for another week here)

OP posts:
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Original poster
SparklyUnicornPoo · 18/10/2017 21:48

Well, I've had a text back 'Oh, I'll try to find someone else to do the other 2 days or something then.'

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 18/10/2017 21:52

Good luck to her on that! I wonder if money for lunches etc will mysteriously now be available for any takers..

Rednailsandnaeknickers · 18/10/2017 21:57

I’d love to reply to her latest text “or just pay for proper childcare instead of drinks and parties like most people do” but I suspect that might set things on fire 🔥 Grin

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 18/10/2017 22:33

Well at least she seems to be trying to calm it down again by not getting arsey with you. Maybe realises you are not a mug now.

It will be interesting to see if she starts begging for the other 2 days as the time gets closer.

Original poster
SparklyUnicornPoo · 18/10/2017 23:07

I’d love to reply to her latest text “or just pay for proper childcare instead of drinks and parties like most people do” but I suspect that might set things on fire Grin tempting, so very tempting but I suspect you are right

OP posts:
AhNowTed · 19/10/2017 09:02

"I'll try.... or something"

She's hoping you're going to cave.

She'll definitely try it on again.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 19/10/2017 09:04

It's much easier to "try and find" childcare if you actually pay a professional to do it

Cinnamoncookie · 19/10/2017 09:13

Next text from her tomorrow will be, "Couldn't find any other childcare - you have to have her for all 3 days".

Or actually, on day 1 of the 3 she'll tell you that at 6am on the doorstep.

HSMMaCM · 19/10/2017 09:14

Well the answer to that is "sorry I have something else planned"

YoniHuman · 19/10/2017 10:21

Yes, on the days you're not having her DD, definitely bolt the door, leave the curtains shut and instruct everyone in the house to not answer the door or phone until at least 9am. I definitely think she will still try it on or "get her days mixed" on which one you said you would now have her DD, and turn up regardless.

Berthatydfil · 19/10/2017 10:27

Vote by me for a very late message along the lines of
i tried but nobody is willing (to do it for nothing)
And then try to guilt you into the original agreement.

bibliomania · 19/10/2017 10:43

Agree - this will be All Your Fault because you originally agreed to have her dd and didn't leave her with enough time to find an alternative.

LucieLucie · 19/10/2017 10:54

'Oh, I'll try to find someone else to do the other 2 days or something then.'

What an ungrateful passive aggressive reply from her! So no mention of thanks so much or appreciating you doing 12 hours for her?

I wouldn’t be doing any childcare. She’s not grateful one bit. She’s making it your responsibility.

I can guarantee you’ll not be friends after this as she’ll go all weird.

Block her and disconnect the doorbell Wink

Leeds2 · 19/10/2017 11:03

Wonder what will happen when she "tries" to find 2 days childcare and fails.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 19/10/2017 11:59

I'd book some days out for you and the children for the other 2 days. That way when her DD grills your DD about it there is a planned activity with no more tickets/spaces. Also helps you to stick to your no.

Funnyface1 · 19/10/2017 12:13

It sounds to me like she's going to try and sway you into doing the other two days. Be ready.

Appuskidu · 19/10/2017 12:47

What's the betting she won't be able to find anyone for the other two days and will blame you!

livefornaps · 19/10/2017 15:41

She just sounds completely oblivious.

I wouldn't tie myself up in knots over this.

Yes - her request was really cheeky - reckless spending gives you the rage grrrr grrrr.

But that's because you're someone who would always put your children's needs and days out above your own.

From what you've seen, it's not the case for her.

She probably didn't reply to the "skint" message because she probably didn't even make the connection.

Don't waste your time feeling frustrated that she doesn't share your values.

You've told her what you're willing to do for the sake of the girls, so do it with good grace, then forget about the rest.

FinallyDecidedOnUserName · 20/10/2017 18:13

What's the latest?

Original poster
SparklyUnicornPoo · 21/10/2017 23:55

Shes found someone willing to have her all three days and overnight so I'm not needed!

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 22/10/2017 01:33

Poor kid. Mum just keen to shunt her off onto whoever falls for the sob story.

WanderingTrolley1 · 22/10/2017 01:57

Wow. Who could that be, then?

TheMaddHugger · 22/10/2017 02:02

Thanks for the Update OP 🌸🌻🌷

JonSnowsWife · 22/10/2017 08:17

Shes found someone willing to have her all three days and overnight so I'm not needed!

Wonder if they've asked them to feed them and have them from 6am.

FinallyDecidedOnUserName · 22/10/2017 09:20

Good news for you! Enjoy a lie in x