To tell friend actually I can't do free childcare after all

[SparklyUnicornPoo]

Friend asked me to help her out with childcare over half term as she said she's struggling financially and she couldn't afford childcare, or even to chuck me a few quid to cover her DD's food. Our DD's are best friends (which is how we met) I work in a school so am off anyway, so I agreed to have her 3 days over half term, for free, from 6am to early evening

Only today her facebook has been full of photos of her at a local event, with very expensive drinks, in a costume bought specifically for the event, with posts about the costs of drinks, food, babysitter etc. She had originally asked me to babysit today too, but not saying why, but I'd said no (because I wanted a rare lazy day, which by the way has been lovely)

It's really pissed me off. I don't mind helping out, I wouldn't have accepted any money offered anyway, I do mind her lying to me.

So WIBU to tell her I can't look after her DD? (half term is not for another week here)

This is bonkers.
I would never ask a friend for 3 x 12 hour days of childcare unless there was a reciprocal agreement in place. Childcare at a later holiday, babysitting in lieu etc.
OP works and this is her holiday, yet she has to have another kid from 6am - my kids can easily sleep til 8am in the holidays and so they should.

My group of friends all work and while taking some time off, we also do school holiday club - if we take time off, we do play dates and help out in unforeseen circumstances, but generally we all plan for the holidays.
One does occasionally take the piss a bit, but requests all go out on a group whatsapp so easy to decline if we want to.

My time is precious and I love the holidays and a chance to hang out with the kids. Playing (unpaid) childminder would make me dread them.
While the money wouldn't be my main priority, I wouldn't want to pay for the usual excursions we do, and not be compensated for taking another child I had not invited as such. In the hols we do alternate paid / free activities so it's definitely a treat.

I would never have agreed to this, but now my advice would be to change it to one day of her choice.
"I'm so sorry but I've had an exhausting half term and really need some downtime in the holidays".
Chances are she won't ask again 😃

I think I'd be inclined to say that you need her to provide either two meals per day or money for two meals per day for her child, at least. It's not even like she's 'just' blagging free childcare - it's actually going to cost you money.

Do you have to work INSET days? Could be a good opportunity for her to pay you back.

I would tell her the offer isn't on any more!

Well done OP let us know when she replies, the cheeky bint.

I messaged her just saying 'I thought you were skint?' and have had nothing back. she's been posting about another expensive day out with her DD today.

What do you think she can she say? She can hardly admit that she's not been straight with you, nor can she come up with a good excuse because there is none.

I think you would be better off rescinding your offer rather than trying to engage in a futile attempt at dialogue.

She wants to take advantage of you. Either you let her or you don't.

Please don't let her take advantage of you OP. I can't stand people like that.

I would just pretend that a close relative had had a hospital operation moved forward at short notice so I needed to prioritise looking after their kid over CF’s daughter.

Absolutely no way would I be doing any childcare for CF.

Seems to me there are three types of people in this world. 1. Inconsiderate selfish people who will abuse the good nature of others. (Those folk who have no insight into the problem usually belong in this group)

1. Good decent considerate folk who arealways wiling to do others a favour (and who inevitably get abused.)
2. Those who used to belong to group 2 but have wised up.

I now include myself in 3. I have recently avoided, because of a negative experience from a previous similar arrangement, obvious overtures from a neighbour who wanted me to take responsibility for taking her daughter to and from school. I would have agreed to OP's arrangement on one condition. OMBD.

She's AT IT .... say NO

How about posting on FB...

Glad to see you’ve come into money 😀. So relieved you’ll no longer be needing me to provide three full days of free childcare from 6am(!!), free food, and free activities. I’m short of money myself this holiday so no longer being needed is fantastic news. And takes the pressure off us as a family. Phew! See you after half term.😀

I think for the sake of your DDs friendship, I'd have her DC this time but I would text her and say you agreed to do this in good faith thinking she was desperate but obviously her photos on FB this weekend have showed different....and you expect her to provide food for her DC when they are with you. Users can only use when they are allowed to..........

Do you have to work INSET days? Could be a good opportunity for her to pay you back. I do some of them, plus my DC don't go to my school so have slightly different holidays, DH usually looks after them then though.

Yes but surely the CFF is relying on the OP "keeping the peace" and saying nothing, which is why she's taking the piss!

OP, I'm actually quite upset for you now...you've sort of confronted her, and instead of offering you an explanation, she's ignored you...hoping you'll leave it there probably!

And I'm speaking as an ex idiot doormat who let people take advantage for far too long.

CFF has toys in the attic if she thinks this is in any way excusable!

Well, you say half-term is not next week, i.e. starting tomorrow, so she does have time to look for a childminder.

As you are only friends through your dds, you might end up losing her "friendship". Will that be a terrible loss? Has she ever had your dd for >12 hour stints, paying for her food and activities for you and brushing off your thanks with an airy "anytime friend, but of course if I ever need the same favour...?"

Personally I wouldn't be having her dd for even the first day, never mind two more - that's a very very long day indeed.

A final message of:

"Are you there X? I feel a bit like you're mugging me off - I agreed to look after your kids. You didn't even have enough money to feed them so I'm doing that too. Now I see you partying and spending money on FB? I want to give you the benefit of the doubt because it's you, but it's very hard to when you don't even reply to my messages..? If you still need childcare we really need to talk. Sparkly x."

yeah, we have another week at school so there is time for her to look.
And honestly, no, losing her friendship wouldn't be a massive loss for me, but I think it would upset DD.

Did she text you back?

aaaaaaargh workzilla was a doctor's receptionist. The police woman (and police husband) was the one who told her nanny to park in front of the OP's drive. I do not spend far too much time on MN honest

Just say something has come up and you can't do it (unless your DD would like one day). It would be true - you've realised you don't want to do it. That is what has come up.

What happened with Workzilla? Did that turn out to be fake?

I don't think the WORKzilla OP ever updated. It disappeared from my threads I'm constantly pressing the refresh button to see if there's an update watching a while ago.

Mip! Yes!!! Haha. I get so confused....!

There was a bumper crop of cfs all in one go!

op - glad you sent the text. If the friendship is no loss to you id find a way out now - give her a week to sort something out.

I apologize...she did update

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2971345-workzilla3?pg=33&order=