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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell friend actually I can't do free childcare after all

329 replies

SparklyUnicornPoo · 14/10/2017 20:58

Friend asked me to help her out with childcare over half term as she said she's struggling financially and she couldn't afford childcare, or even to chuck me a few quid to cover her DD's food. Our DD's are best friends (which is how we met) I work in a school so am off anyway, so I agreed to have her 3 days over half term, for free, from 6am to early evening

Only today her facebook has been full of photos of her at a local event, with very expensive drinks, in a costume bought specifically for the event, with posts about the costs of drinks, food, babysitter etc. She had originally asked me to babysit today too, but not saying why, but I'd said no (because I wanted a rare lazy day, which by the way has been lovely)

It's really pissed me off. I don't mind helping out, I wouldn't have accepted any money offered anyway, I do mind her lying to me.

So WIBU to tell her I can't look after her DD? (half term is not for another week here)

OP posts:
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aaaaargghhhhelpme · 17/10/2017 11:30

Totally agree with another20

She's seen your message. And ignored it. You don't even deserve a response. That's how much she thinks of you

Make that call. Send that text. Whatever you have to do to get out of 36+ hours of free childcare next week.

midsummabreak · 17/10/2017 11:42

What about your child in this? If she loves her friend, just do something like cut back to 1 day you can be free for chilcare, and book something else on the other two days. I would avoid getting angry, just firmly stand your ground, whatever you decide to do- she is lucky to have your help for that day

SistersOfPercy · 17/10/2017 11:52

Dont google Fuck Moose

Are you kidding? Wincest and Destiel get me through the day! Blush

another20 · 17/10/2017 11:53

Spot on midsumma people are always scared of addressing things because of the fear of anger and conflict.

Just be calm, direct and clear.

It takes 2 people to escalate a row. If she doesn't like your decision, just keep calm on the same simple message, "No that wont work" "I have made my decision" rinse and repeat. She can blow herself out eventually - it will be over soon.

Do what you think suits you and your DD - sounds like up thread you said you are happy to do 1 day. Personally I wouldn't as she is likely to pull an stunt on you. Maybe offer the last of the 3 days not the first. But I expect that she would have a last minute crisis and try to dump on you. These sort of people need a firm firm door closed in their face.

han1001 · 17/10/2017 11:53

That's bad. I would refuse to look after her child.

Ishouldbedoingsomething · 17/10/2017 13:28

If you do decide to babysit one day for the sake of your DD make it the last one - if you make it the first she will have some excuse as to why you should do the other two as well.....

TheEmmaDilemma · 17/10/2017 14:39

She is a cheeky fucker.

FinallyDecidedOnUserName · 17/10/2017 15:34

Eat the frog. I like it.

LucieLucie · 17/10/2017 17:34

One of the most infuriating threads ever.

Don’t. Be. A. Mug

Original poster
SparklyUnicornPoo · 17/10/2017 19:11

Right have decided I will do 1 day, for DD's sake as she would love to have her friend over, I sent 'friend' a text early this morning telling her that I can only do 1 day, no explanation just a 'Something's come up, I can only look after x on...' and she has not text back.

OP posts:
MsPavlichenko · 17/10/2017 19:14

Text again and ask for reply. She is a user clearly, and is planning to pretend she didn't get it. Or else call. I'd not bother helping again.

Liadain · 17/10/2017 19:16

Agreed - you need confirmation she's received it, otherwise she'll appear on your doorstep dragging children behind every day.

Butterymuffin · 17/10/2017 19:17

Is it next week this is going to be happening?

another20 · 17/10/2017 19:26

Well done Sparkly.

Did you respond to her re TOTT?

Give her 24hrs to acknowledge / respond.

If she keeps on playing silly buggers and doesn't respond follow it up with "Not heard back from you so assuming now that you don't need me at all"

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 17/10/2017 19:37

I agree with another wait 24 hours or so and send the text.

Original poster
SparklyUnicornPoo · 17/10/2017 20:29

yes, next week.

No I didn't reply about TOT, she hasn't replied to me and I was feeling a bit childish.

24 hours and then a text sounds like a plan, and she can turn up on my doorstep all she likes, I won't be getting up to answer it.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 17/10/2017 22:03

well done Sparkly Flowers

Willow2017 · 17/10/2017 22:23

Well done Sparkly.
Stick to your guns, make sure you send another txt or she will just ignore you and plead ignorance next week and turn up on your doorstep.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 17/10/2017 23:17

Well done!

And another vote for another20's response. If she continues ignoring you rescind all offers. I can't believe how cheeky she is!

ScissorBow · 17/10/2017 23:24

I do sometimes wonder how people like this lie straight in bed at night when their web of lies catches up with them. You're either skint or you're not. I have a 'skint' friend who went abroad for a week in the summer with her kids whilst I stayed in the UK. I'll continue to listen to her moans but will no longer offer support towards her situation. Mug I am not.

FreakinScaryCaaw · 18/10/2017 09:21

Good to hear

treacletoffee23 · 18/10/2017 13:49

Eat the frog - just brilliant.
Yep lm afraid its true. The kinder you are the more (some) take.

FlexTimeCheekyFucker · 18/10/2017 16:13

What's TOT/TOTT?

Wellandtrulyoutnumbered · 18/10/2017 16:18

Bet she claims not to have received text saying you can only do one day.

TheseAreTheDays · 18/10/2017 16:46

TOT is trick or treating,the friend had asked OP was she taking her daughter