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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell friend actually I can't do free childcare after all

329 replies

SparklyUnicornPoo · 14/10/2017 20:58

Friend asked me to help her out with childcare over half term as she said she's struggling financially and she couldn't afford childcare, or even to chuck me a few quid to cover her DD's food. Our DD's are best friends (which is how we met) I work in a school so am off anyway, so I agreed to have her 3 days over half term, for free, from 6am to early evening

Only today her facebook has been full of photos of her at a local event, with very expensive drinks, in a costume bought specifically for the event, with posts about the costs of drinks, food, babysitter etc. She had originally asked me to babysit today too, but not saying why, but I'd said no (because I wanted a rare lazy day, which by the way has been lovely)

It's really pissed me off. I don't mind helping out, I wouldn't have accepted any money offered anyway, I do mind her lying to me.

So WIBU to tell her I can't look after her DD? (half term is not for another week here)

OP posts:
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Aeroflotgirl · 16/10/2017 19:02

Or I would message her saying: as your not skint, I would like money for her food and £20 per day, and see what she says.

Original poster
SparklyUnicornPoo · 16/10/2017 20:07

Cost of babysitter was for Saturday, which I'd said no to.

No reply to my message yet, but have had a whatsapp message (I'd facebook messaged her) asking if I'm taking DD Trick or Treating this year? which kinda shows how much of a friend she is as I don't do Halloween.

DD isn't at the same school as this girl, they are friends through a hobby, so I think I might go with doing one day for DD's sake.

I'm not a morning person but my DC are so I will be up by 6am anyway, although I'm not keen on needing to be dressed by then.

OP posts:
FreakinScaryCaaw · 16/10/2017 20:12

Why do you need to be dressed? Confused

TheMaddHugger · 16/10/2017 20:14

((((((((((Hugs)))))))) OP

You have your answer Sad

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 16/10/2017 20:23

Hmmmmmmmm wonder if the Hallowe'en question was "D'you wanr me to take your DD ToT? " and trying to curry favour.
or
"Great, you can take my DD too so I can go out myself on the piss !

another20 · 16/10/2017 20:48

Is she suggesting that if you are taking your DD ToT, that hers tag along as well on top of the 3 days? Or is ToT one of the 3 child minding days?

She is choosing to to ignore your FB message - whatsapp back with either the same Q you sent on FB - or whatever it is you want to say now.

Think that you need to be v direct now.

If you dont want to do it say so and why.

YouTheCat · 16/10/2017 21:07

I agree. Be direct. Tell her you can't afford to do 3 days of child care for her and she'll have to make do with 1 (so your dd gets to have a friend round for the day).

Half term is about pj days and chilling out. I'm so looking forward to the holidays, even though I only have 3 days off.

Lindy2 · 16/10/2017 21:12

You don't need to be dressed for 6am.
I do child minding as my job and I would be dressed and ready for 6am because I'm being paid. If it was a free favour I'd mist definitely be in my dressing gown and slippers.

ParanoidBeryl · 16/10/2017 21:20

So she isn’t going to reply to your message?

I agree, time to be direct. Tell her you can only help her out for 1 day. She’s not really a friend is she?

ChasedByBees · 16/10/2017 21:27

She's seen your message. I think you deserve an answer.

TooCoolForScool · 16/10/2017 21:29

From 6am? Are you sure you've got the times right?

People on MN like these sort of stories don't they?

Appuskidu · 16/10/2017 21:32

So, what are you going to do then?

Starlight2345 · 16/10/2017 21:42

I expect unless you put her straight she will turn up 6am with child .

I figured it out this am if you did 6am till 6am 3 days that is 36 hours..Basically a full time week of childcare.

Liadain · 16/10/2017 21:44

Just tell her you won't be doing childcare (if that's how you feel). Otherwise she will land on your doorstep bright and early, and no mention will ever be made of the money she blew on the night out!

Original poster
SparklyUnicornPoo · 16/10/2017 21:55

You don't need to be dressed for 6am. That is a very good point. I will put a bra on, coz no one needs to see that, but I don't need to get dressed for a favour do i?

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 16/10/2017 23:29

Are you...actually going to just roll over and do this for her, despite everything? Shock

KingIrving · 16/10/2017 23:50

Of course you don't need to be dressed! Open the door, let the child in, and go back to bed with a book and a cup and ask the girls to play quietly.

MsPavlichenko · 17/10/2017 00:11

I thought you didn't want to do childcare anymore? If not (and I agree that she is at it) you need to say that you cannot do it. Either outline your issues as above, or better imo, just say it doesn't suit. This will avoid her coming back at you.

If not, do it, feel used (correctly), seethe with resentment and make your point by wearing your PJs. Which is cheap child care by the way!

Why not just say No, I can't do that. No explanation. No apology. No engagement.

Willow2017 · 17/10/2017 01:31

She ignored your message and is now fishing to see if you will take her dd t or y with yours and she doesn't even remember you don't do it.
That tells you all you need to know. She isn't going to mention her spending spree she is hoping by ignoring it you will not mention it again so she can avoid the awkward conversation of admitting she had money after all. She just wants free child care.

Get assertive and tell her you are only doing the first day. The others dont work due you now.
Bet she replies bloody quick to that message. Full of you letting her down yadda yadda yadda. Her dd WANTS to spend time with your dd etc. Tell her to use her new found cash to pay someone to look after her dd she has had all year to organise herself.

TheMaddHugger · 17/10/2017 03:20

Sorry OP. I've got an insomnia induced question because I don't understand this that you said - "SparklyUnicornPoo Mon 16-Oct-17 21:55:37
You don't need to be dressed for 6am. That is a very good point. I will put a bra on, coz no one needs to see that, but I don't need to get dressed for a favour do i?"

I hope this does NOT mean you will still be childcare for that CF'er

Appuskidu · 17/10/2017 07:45

Have you told her you don't want to look after her child any more next week? When are you going to tell her?

JonSnowsWife · 17/10/2017 08:28

Sometimes the kinder you are the more people take advantage

This x 100

CoraPirbright · 17/10/2017 09:13

I would reply "did you not see my Fb message?".

If you do go ahead and provide childcare, the very least she can do is give you some cash for the extra food.

Ellendegeneres · 17/10/2017 11:16

You're gonna do it??

Man. I thought you had found your cf repelling backbone.

another20 · 17/10/2017 11:24

Sparkley - do you know the expression "Eat the frog!" - it means that you have to do the most difficult thing first thing in the morning and then once its done the rest of the day is calm.

You need to get on and do this for you. Whatever it is you have decided - none or one day. You will feel loads better. Everyone here is unanimously telling you that she is a CF and OOO. She has shown her true colours by ignoring your FB message. That is really very disrespectful and manipulative. She will have form for this. You dont need to be involved with such a person. You owe her nothing.

If you leave it any longer you will box yourself into a corner because time is running out and you may feel obliged just to do it. Take back the power. Send a text and be done with it. Dont give a reason as that just invites dialogue for her to wriggle back in. Close it down. "Sorry cant change of plan - I am now not available"

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