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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed with my friends?

232 replies

SongforSal · 14/10/2017 20:21

5 of us get together frequently for drinks etc. This month was one of my friends birthday. One of our friends has a parent that runs a spa type place, and wangled us an amazing deal of 20 quid each. Amazing.

Anyway, as not to drip feed. The spar day was 2 weeks before the actual birthday, now money has been tight for me. The car went to car heaven, and I have started a new job with a 7 week pay gap. I did however budget for friends birthday.

A week before the spa, with the view that once I got paid, I'd give her a pressie in time for her birthday. Another friend sent her bank details to me asking for 100 quid. Turns out she assumed I would split the cost for birthday girl, and put in jointly for a big present. I explained my financial situation and they understood.

I was planning on going still and sending a present when I get paid. However.

Just seen pictures on social media, the date was moved and they went without me.
Thinking about it, not one of them has even asked how my new job is going. I have babysat their kids numerous times and fed them. One of these friends I recently gave a gig ticket to for free worth loads as it comes with back stage access, and I gave it to her because she loves the artist more than me. Another of these friends I have financially helped when down on their luck.

Don't get me wrong. I am glad my friend had a nice birthday, but it seems I was ultimately excluded because I could not financially contribute to the big present.

Anyway, had a message from birthday girl tonight asking if I could look after her DC'S next week overnight. No mention of her birthday, no asking about my new job. Am I being a mug or to sensitive?

.

OP posts:
Tapandgo · 15/10/2017 20:28

Have you asked 'why was the spa date moved without telling me?'
Otherwise - just dump them and move on.

Italiangreyhound · 15/10/2017 20:44

AnnoyedinJanuary don't lump all women in with these women, please.

Men do plenty of horrible things to each other, and to women!

OP I'be not read all the comments so I may have missed the bit where you ask the organiser why you were dumped from the spa trip. Please do make sure what happened there.

It may not be birthday girl's fault. But I'd still not be falling over myself to help her out.

Look after you, and hope your new job is fab. Flowers

boo2410 · 15/10/2017 20:47

I don't think you can call them friends, friends don't do things like that. I was going to call them acquaintances, but it's not often they would do that either. If I were you I'd distance myself from them. Asking you to babysit is too much, she's got more front than Sainsburys that one. 😮

SteampunkPrincess · 15/10/2017 20:50

are you sure it was your spa day they went on? are they planning to go on yours as well?

kaytee87 · 15/10/2017 21:18

It's things like this which make me despair of women at times!!! We're all for being treated equally to men but we can be absolutely downright nasty to each other.

What are you even talking about? Why are you bringing equality into this? Yes, lets hold men up as paragons of goodness and completely forget that most violent crimes are committed by men against other men.
Are you suggesting women shouldn't have equality because some women aren't nice to their friends?

C0untDucku1a · 15/10/2017 21:25

Did yoy reply?

puddleduckmummy · 15/10/2017 21:39

A loud and resounding. No. Just that. No explanation required, that is a horrid way for ‘friends’ to behave. They sound materialistic and self serving to me.

Ladymayormaynot · 15/10/2017 21:48

Just agree to it and go out instead. You can change your plans too without telling your friend.

WoollyMollyMonkey · 15/10/2017 21:55

That's so mean Ladymay - I like it haha!

Ladymayormaynot · 15/10/2017 21:59

I probably wouldn’t do it IRL but the shitty behaviour of the friends really does deserve it.

Calvinlookingforhobbs · 15/10/2017 22:27

OP, did you reply?

MrsWembley · 15/10/2017 22:27

Have to add to everyone else’s posts - does the birthday girl know that you were excluded?

EMSMUM16 · 15/10/2017 22:39

I would want to find out the story from the birthday girl, say you are really upset and you feel you were excluded from the birthday spa date. I just wonder whether you saying that you were skint somehow got misinterpreted and they thought you couldn't go and they might have wanted to save your embarrassment by not mentioning it? it just might be...but equally they might just be bitches, I would want to find out for sure though before I closed the door on them

FluffedIt · 15/10/2017 22:43

Did u reply?

DingleBerries · 15/10/2017 22:49

Either this thread is bollocks, or it's true and the OP hasnt for the balls to admit that she didn't confront the friends.

I kinda hope it's the former because I'd sooner be sucked into a thread and be the fool that believe there's a person out there being screwed over by total bastard 'friends'.

DingleBerries · 15/10/2017 22:50

*than

Geordie1944 · 15/10/2017 23:44

Tell her you'll look after her children for £25 an hour per head, a taxicab there and back, a £15 tab on Hungry House and a bottle of wine.

smudgedlipstick · 16/10/2017 00:23

Did you reply op?

Jessikita · 16/10/2017 07:11

Please update OP I hope you have confronted them?

Did you send the £20 for the spa day or is there anyway your whole message could have been misinterpreted as you can’t afford the whole thing?

Appuskidu · 16/10/2017 07:49

What did you do, op?

dimdarkashian · 16/10/2017 08:09

Not friends!

Jojofjo44 · 16/10/2017 08:41

Why have you not already asked why they didn't tell you about the spa day change? I'd have asked the second I saw photos. No bullshit just plain old questions. This is what does my head in, instead of pondering as to why, just ask. Or do you not want to hear the answers?

ruthieruthuk · 16/10/2017 10:02

Thats pretty rough on u to cut you out like that, how awful, don’t sound like good friends to me and then to ask u to look after her kids, has she no morals! For what reason would u be looking after her kids for? So she could go for a night out with friends and cut u out again? Don’t be mugged off and hope your ok. Must be very upsetting! Take care x

LucieLucie · 16/10/2017 10:05

@SongforSal?

cheapskatemum · 16/10/2017 22:18

YANBU and your response to the request for you to do free overnight childcare is big fat NO!