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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed with my friends?

232 replies

SongforSal · 14/10/2017 20:21

5 of us get together frequently for drinks etc. This month was one of my friends birthday. One of our friends has a parent that runs a spa type place, and wangled us an amazing deal of 20 quid each. Amazing.

Anyway, as not to drip feed. The spar day was 2 weeks before the actual birthday, now money has been tight for me. The car went to car heaven, and I have started a new job with a 7 week pay gap. I did however budget for friends birthday.

A week before the spa, with the view that once I got paid, I'd give her a pressie in time for her birthday. Another friend sent her bank details to me asking for 100 quid. Turns out she assumed I would split the cost for birthday girl, and put in jointly for a big present. I explained my financial situation and they understood.

I was planning on going still and sending a present when I get paid. However.

Just seen pictures on social media, the date was moved and they went without me.
Thinking about it, not one of them has even asked how my new job is going. I have babysat their kids numerous times and fed them. One of these friends I recently gave a gig ticket to for free worth loads as it comes with back stage access, and I gave it to her because she loves the artist more than me. Another of these friends I have financially helped when down on their luck.

Don't get me wrong. I am glad my friend had a nice birthday, but it seems I was ultimately excluded because I could not financially contribute to the big present.

Anyway, had a message from birthday girl tonight asking if I could look after her DC'S next week overnight. No mention of her birthday, no asking about my new job. Am I being a mug or to sensitive?

.

OP posts:
Bobbybobbins · 14/10/2017 20:38

This is really shitty behaviour. Flowers

ItsNachoCheese · 14/10/2017 20:39

Id be very hurt if i were you. That was a really shitty thing to do

RapunzelsRealMom · 14/10/2017 20:42

That sounds awful, but could they have thought that you meant you couldn't afford the entire thing? Then didn't want to tell you the date change incase you were uncomfortable or you thought they might be pressuring you when you already said you couldn't afford it?

I'm grasping at straws but, if there's no back story and similar past behaviour, isn't it strange that they would all agree to exclude you like this?

Do you feel you could ask them straight?

xhannahx · 14/10/2017 20:42

So mean! Who needs enemies when you have friends like that!

bimbobaggins · 14/10/2017 20:43

So the spa was only 20 quid, even if you were halfiing in for the bday girl that would mean 70 quid for part share of a birthday gift. Wow, that really is a lot of money! People are very easy to spend other people's money.
I definitely wouldn't be looking after her kids

beeny · 14/10/2017 20:43

They have been very mean, ditch them !

Katedotness1963 · 14/10/2017 20:43

That was really shitty of them!

NancyDonahue · 14/10/2017 20:45

Is there any possibility at all that the friend who asked for the money assumed you meant you couldn't afford the present and the spa? Thus them not telling you about the date change? Do they have form for this?

MadMags · 14/10/2017 20:46

Any chance that when you said you couldn't afford it, friend thought you meant the whole thing??

Sugarformyhoney · 14/10/2017 20:46

I’d reply ‘oh can’t have kids that evening- off to a spa! Hope you had a great birthdsy’

PopGoesTheWeaz · 14/10/2017 20:48

I think they probably misunderstood, or certainly the birthday girl has misunderstood otherwise she wouldn't be asking favours. Either pretend you don't know when it is, or just call birthday girl and tell her you weren't able to club together for the other gift but want to make sure you do something to celebrate. She likely had nothing to do with organising and moving of the spa day anyway so not sure why you would hold a grudge and she may in fact be wondering why you didn't show. You also may be able to find out from her if it was a misunderstanding with the organiser or if these are people you need to write off.

BusySittingDown · 14/10/2017 20:50

I’m sorry that your friends are cunts, OP.

People really are twats, aren’t they?

I think you should definitely call them on it. It’s not your fault that you couldn’t afford to go halves on the bracelet.

Orchidflower1 · 14/10/2017 20:51

I agree with the pp who said maybe the birthday girl didn't know you hadn't been told of the change until the day- obviously she does now - maybe the organiser gave her an excuse as to why you weren't there. May be worth finding out exactly what was said about you. Having said that to not say, sorry you couldn't make it, how's the new job before asking for a BIG. Favour is pretty low imho. Sorry you've been let down by these people.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 14/10/2017 20:51

Another one agreeing you should double check the spa day with her and let her squirm. Bitches!

InspMorse · 14/10/2017 20:53

A cheery 'Oh, so sorry, I can't help next weekend!'
Followed by nothing.

gamerchick · 14/10/2017 20:53

Say you’re not sure you’ll have to get back to her. Then tell her you’re really looking forward to this spa day to celebrate her birthday.

Or to can reach deep inside and remove these parasites from your good natured teat. You’re being so took for granted if you don’t take a stand now you may as we’ll have doormat printed on you.

Come on lass, they’re taking the piss. Flowers

Slimthistime · 14/10/2017 20:55

talk to them about it
it might be a misunderstanding

I hope so!

Original poster
SongforSal · 14/10/2017 20:57

I was very clear that I had money for the day, but could not afford the Pandora present to give. It was a lot of money right before I get paid. To put it in perspective, I've just done a week's food shop for a family of 4 for the same amount. If I spent the same on my friends birthday we would not be eating till I get paid. I had no choice but to say no.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 14/10/2017 20:58

If it had been a misunderstanding the birthday girl would have been in touch then and certainly mentioned it now. That’s what proper friends do.

No way would I leave a friend out for the sake of 20 quid, not sure about other people mind.

zippydoodaar · 14/10/2017 20:58

Bloody hell

Maybe you could respond "Not sure what Ive got on, what date are we at the Spa again?

^ This with double bells on

vEGANvERA · 14/10/2017 20:59

have you already paid for the spa day
have you lost that money

shower of witches!

expatinscotland · 14/10/2017 20:59

What a load of bitches! NFW you're oversensitive. The scales have fallen from your eyes now, they have been using you.

'Anyway, had a message from birthday girl tonight asking if I could look after her DC'S next week overnight. No mention of her birthday, no asking about my new job. Am I being a mug or to sensitive? '

'I'm doing fine, thanks! My new job is going well and that's a relief as I had to get a new car before I even got paid, thanks for asking. No, I won't look after your kids, you pisstaking cow. Bye.'

Or just tell her no, you're not available. Over and over and over until you can manage to get away from these arseholes.

Msqueen33 · 14/10/2017 20:59

@SongforSal so no misunderstanding. How shitty! Did birthday girl not know?! I'd probably back off from favours. If they're true friends they'll stick away but doesn't sound as if they are.

Ermm · 14/10/2017 21:01

Oh that is potentially horrible. But agree just check that there wasn’t just a miscommunication where they thought you meant that you couldn’t come. Why don’t you just be totally upfront - ie I’m a bit confused about what happened with the spa weekend? Horrible feeling I bet.

ohfourfoxache · 14/10/2017 21:02

They are not friends.

I too would be sending Maelstrom's reply

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