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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with my friends?

232 replies

SongforSal · 14/10/2017 20:21

5 of us get together frequently for drinks etc. This month was one of my friends birthday. One of our friends has a parent that runs a spa type place, and wangled us an amazing deal of 20 quid each. Amazing.

Anyway, as not to drip feed. The spar day was 2 weeks before the actual birthday, now money has been tight for me. The car went to car heaven, and I have started a new job with a 7 week pay gap. I did however budget for friends birthday.

A week before the spa, with the view that once I got paid, I'd give her a pressie in time for her birthday. Another friend sent her bank details to me asking for 100 quid. Turns out she assumed I would split the cost for birthday girl, and put in jointly for a big present. I explained my financial situation and they understood.

I was planning on going still and sending a present when I get paid. However.

Just seen pictures on social media, the date was moved and they went without me.
Thinking about it, not one of them has even asked how my new job is going. I have babysat their kids numerous times and fed them. One of these friends I recently gave a gig ticket to for free worth loads as it comes with back stage access, and I gave it to her because she loves the artist more than me. Another of these friends I have financially helped when down on their luck.

Don't get me wrong. I am glad my friend had a nice birthday, but it seems I was ultimately excluded because I could not financially contribute to the big present.

Anyway, had a message from birthday girl tonight asking if I could look after her DC'S next week overnight. No mention of her birthday, no asking about my new job. Am I being a mug or to sensitive?

.

OP posts:
AtHomeDadGlos · 15/10/2017 09:05

They’ve treated you poorly. No reason why the gift couldn’t be split three ways and you chip in for your pet of the day (maybe plus £5 for the birthday girl’s spa).

Ask her outright what happened.

ZanyMobster · 15/10/2017 09:06

I am not sure why you wouldn't just ask her straight about what happened re the spa? Just be honest, no need for PA messages. If you are upfront with her she can't work out of it. I think something similar to a pp said, just say you're really hurt that you were left out of the celebrations because you could afford the £75 present etc. Gives her no way to wriggle out of a response.

LaughingElliot · 15/10/2017 09:11

I think the fact they’re into Pandora bracelets is reason enough to give them the flick. The ultimate tat.

JoanLenin · 15/10/2017 09:17

Didn't it occur to any of them to help you out financially till you get paid? I mean in terms of paying your part of the present and then you pay them back? Just because you mentioned that you helped one of them out financially before...

MadeForThis · 15/10/2017 09:23

Is that the usual amount you spend on each other's birthdays? Is they all spent that on yours they might be a bit miffed that you wouldn't include yourself this time.

That's the only reason I can think of for their rudeness. Unless it was a genuine mistake. But as others have said. True friends would have offered to cover your £20 share if they thought you were dropping out of the whole day.

Fauchelevent · 15/10/2017 09:25

Your friends sound shocking.

diddl · 15/10/2017 09:29

"I think the fact they’re into Pandora bracelets is reason enough to give them the flick." Grin

Even though Op was going to be benefiting from a cheap spa day, it still had to be paid for, plus maybe a meal/drinks and present on the day.

It was always going to cost a bit imo.

flumpybear · 15/10/2017 09:30

Text her back and find out what happened - what shit friends ....perhaps do a what’s app for all friends and see who says what, the remind them of what you’ve done for them and how could they be so mean as to uninvited you so brutally!! Bitches!!!

Goosegrass · 15/10/2017 09:36

Pandora charm bracelets are horrible anyway.

Willow2017 · 15/10/2017 09:59

They were doing a full spa day for £20 which op could afford.
She was going to get her friend a present once her wages had come through.
There was no need for meals and drinks and £80 each for a present to be added on.

Changing the day without telling op is unforgivable behaviour. No excuses at all.

5rivers7hills · 15/10/2017 10:01

Total bitches.

diddl · 15/10/2017 10:08

"They were doing a full spa day for £20 which op could afford."

Yes, I agree.

I can't understand why they did the spa without her-I hope she finds out.

My previous post sounds as if I am excusing them.

Of course it should be possible to only do what you can afford/buy a present seperately/at a later date.

Reading my previous post back, I can't figure out what point I was trying to makeBlushGrin

Willow2017 · 15/10/2017 10:11

Diddl
😀😀

Original poster
SongforSal · 15/10/2017 10:18

No, it's definitely not the usual amount we would spend. Thinking about it, the birthday girl would have been oblivious. The girl who's dm manages the spar does have a tendency to be a self appointed organiser for most social things. Don't get me wrong, oddly I don't feel pissed of, but it's a lesson that shows how devisive money can be. As some posters have asked, ironically 3 earn less than me and tend to use credit cards, also my new job will increase my monthly take home by 400, due to a tricky couple of years I've been conscious to clear overdrafts etc, and plan to use the extra money in a savings account. I have an old banger in comparison to their brand new financed cars to. Because I don't want dept. No idea why the day ended up costing so much, am assuming they chipped in for extra treatments maybe.

OP posts:
shakingmyhead1 · 15/10/2017 10:19

did you ask when the spa was? what did she say? dont leave us hanging!

shakingmyhead1 · 15/10/2017 10:20

^^^^^^^
has no life

MadMags · 15/10/2017 10:29

I'm sure the money was for the spa, meals, drinks, presents, treatments...when you think about it there's a lot of scope for the "cheap day" becoming very expensive.

OP, what did you do? Also, you haven't said if they've done the same for you on birthdays.

Appuskidu · 15/10/2017 10:41

So what are you going to do?

Figgygal · 15/10/2017 11:14

Terrible behaviour from them and a totally ridiculous amount of money for a gift.

I would tell bday girl you are upset but even if someone else arranged why hasn't she asked why you weren't there? I'd also say no re: sitting the kids next week petty maybe but I still would

CoughLaughFart · 15/10/2017 11:16

Was it maybe that they wanted to pay more than the £20 per person? Because I’d feel a little embarrassed paying so little for a spa experience.

You understand the concept of a deal, right?

cozzietoes · 15/10/2017 12:10

Was it maybe that they wanted to pay more than the £20 per person? Because I’d feel a little embarrassed paying so little for a spa experience.

More fool you! Nothing wrong with a cheap deal.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 15/10/2017 12:32

Because I’d feel a little embarrassed paying so little for a spa experience

Ha ha ha ha Grin you never buy anything in the sales then? BOGOF? Special deals?

dustarr73 · 15/10/2017 13:01

Everyone was in on I.Otherwise you'd have been too.And her not mentioning it just proves they're only using you.

RebootYourEngine · 15/10/2017 13:36

That is quite shitty of your friends. I would reply and ask why you were excluded from the day? I would not be looking after her kids.

AdalindSchade · 15/10/2017 13:38

I bet birthday friend has no idea what's happened. If queen bee told her you weren't coming because you couldn't afford it, birthday friend probably wouldn't mention it to you so as not to embarrass you. And obviously she wouldn't have known the present budget. Why don't you test the water to see if she does?