To be annoyed with my friends?

[SongforSal]

5 of us get together frequently for drinks etc. This month was one of my friends birthday. One of our friends has a parent that runs a spa type place, and wangled us an amazing deal of 20 quid each. Amazing.

Anyway, as not to drip feed. The spar day was 2 weeks before the actual birthday, now money has been tight for me. The car went to car heaven, and I have started a new job with a 7 week pay gap. I did however budget for friends birthday.

A week before the spa, with the view that once I got paid, I'd give her a pressie in time for her birthday. Another friend sent her bank details to me asking for 100 quid. Turns out she assumed I would split the cost for birthday girl, and put in jointly for a big present. I explained my financial situation and they understood.

I was planning on going still and sending a present when I get paid. However.

Just seen pictures on social media, the date was moved and they went without me.
Thinking about it, not one of them has even asked how my new job is going. I have babysat their kids numerous times and fed them. One of these friends I recently gave a gig ticket to for free worth loads as it comes with back stage access, and I gave it to her because she loves the artist more than me. Another of these friends I have financially helped when down on their luck.

Don't get me wrong. I am glad my friend had a nice birthday, but it seems I was ultimately excluded because I could not financially contribute to the big present.

Anyway, had a message from birthday girl tonight asking if I could look after her DC'S next week overnight. No mention of her birthday, no asking about my new job. Am I being a mug or to sensitive?

.

Send fridayrain's text.

But the OP has said that not only did her car give up, and she had started a new job, but she also spent the same amount of money buying food for the family.

Perhaps she is going to be getting ££££ in her next pay, but there is nothing in her post that suggests that.

Cara
the op wasn't getting paid for 7weeks the interest would have been added by then. Why should she even consider that. £80 for a friends present is madness and just showing off. Why would you spend the same amount on a friend that you spend to feed your whole family?
Would you really put yourself in debt on a credit card when you have barely enough to feed your family for 7 weeks? All because you don't have the good sense to tell your selfish friends that not everyone has money to burn?

Wow! Friends dont
put each other in that position in the first place.

This is so horrible. I would be looking for a new group of friends..

Cars you need to speak to your friends. It ISBN acceptable to push financial burdens onto people we purportedly care about. Unless you lie to them, they know you don't earn what they do and therefore shouldn't expect it of you. Speak up.

OP have you replied? I'd be really angry and sad. And the present price is crazy - £300+ for one friend? I hope you got your £3£0 present on your birthday!

She probably wants you to babysit so she can go out with them again. Then splash it all over Facebook about what a great time she's having with the girls/besties/good friends while you sit there feeling like a mug.

YANBU

Also re: credit cards. Big gifts just not necessary amongst friends. Tenner each for some nice perfume or something.

Before you go postal is there any chance they misunderstood you. If this is a one off thing and these have been good friends previously then I would find it extremely weird they would suddenly leave you out. I'd be tempted to ask one of the girls you are most friendly with what happened. I wouldn't put a photo on social media either if I was trying to exclude you??

Not being sensitive. They don’t sound particularly nice. Unless there’s some kind of majorly crossed wires. I would explain how hurt/confused (or however you feel).

I have a group of friends who I trying to bin off, they too haven’t seemed pleased about my new, ask how Pregnancy is going etc. There’s just a awkward politeness. Stop doing them favours, and find a new group! There may well be some lovely people at your job. Well done, and hope it’s going well!

Don’t feel silly. But equally, no need to be as rude as them. Just tell the how they impacted on you.... they’ll feel far worse than some nasty/sarky comment.

That's mean. Sorry op I would get new friends. They don't deserve you

That's awful - they aren't real friends.

Thats really horrible of them. Call them out on it. 'Oh I'm not sure about that weekend isn't that our spa day?' Etc and were there 5 of you splitting at 80 each which means 400 for a pandora bracelet?! seriously?

'I'm doing fine, thanks! My new job is going well and that's a relief as I had to get a new car before I even got paid, thanks for asking. No, I won't look after your kids, you pisstaking cow. Bye.'

This with bells on ^

Though to keep the upper hand I’d probably modify the last bit to say ‘Umm re the overnight childcare..I’ll have to check my diary and get back to you’ then don’t.

Did you reply? I’d send fridays message. Short and to the point.

Did you reply, OP?

I'd be mortified to have friends spend that much on me why?

OP, I'd leave it and move on,they don't sound nice people.

Have you replied then?

I'd just reply saying I can't look after them. See what happens next.

Don't be annoyed, be livid!! Be angry enough to not bother giving these women any more of your energy or time. I'm sorry you are dealing with this, that is crappy, and painful, but just move on and find new friends who actually give a shit about you. These bitches are not your friends.

What did you decide to do in the end, OP?

There must have been some sort of conversation between them as to why you weren't there and if it was down to finances then it would have cost them a fiver each for you to have been there! I'd be hurt too particularly in light of the baby sitting, gig tickets and the help you given in the past!

What have you replied?