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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed with my friends?

232 replies

SongforSal · 14/10/2017 20:21

5 of us get together frequently for drinks etc. This month was one of my friends birthday. One of our friends has a parent that runs a spa type place, and wangled us an amazing deal of 20 quid each. Amazing.

Anyway, as not to drip feed. The spar day was 2 weeks before the actual birthday, now money has been tight for me. The car went to car heaven, and I have started a new job with a 7 week pay gap. I did however budget for friends birthday.

A week before the spa, with the view that once I got paid, I'd give her a pressie in time for her birthday. Another friend sent her bank details to me asking for 100 quid. Turns out she assumed I would split the cost for birthday girl, and put in jointly for a big present. I explained my financial situation and they understood.

I was planning on going still and sending a present when I get paid. However.

Just seen pictures on social media, the date was moved and they went without me.
Thinking about it, not one of them has even asked how my new job is going. I have babysat their kids numerous times and fed them. One of these friends I recently gave a gig ticket to for free worth loads as it comes with back stage access, and I gave it to her because she loves the artist more than me. Another of these friends I have financially helped when down on their luck.

Don't get me wrong. I am glad my friend had a nice birthday, but it seems I was ultimately excluded because I could not financially contribute to the big present.

Anyway, had a message from birthday girl tonight asking if I could look after her DC'S next week overnight. No mention of her birthday, no asking about my new job. Am I being a mug or to sensitive?

.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 15/10/2017 13:41

Was she oblivious to your presence as well?

As I said, no way would I allow someone to be left out without actually talking to them first.

You haven’t agreed to babysitting have you?

Aeroflotgirl · 15/10/2017 13:44

Just say no, funny you remembered me when you want something, and did not let me know you had changed the date. They all sound like bitches and I would be distancing myself from these users. Nice people just would not do that.

bsbabas · 15/10/2017 17:41

Yeah talk to the birthday girl I think she will be upset with these horrid girls too. I would never want to exclude any one from my birthday it's just a joy to see everyone screw expensive gifts and people excluding people is never nice

KnowsStuff · 15/10/2017 17:46

Users

FaveNumberIs2 · 15/10/2017 17:47

What a bunch of utter bitches!

SAY NO! You will NOT be doing any more babysitting! In fact, if I were you, I'd drop the whole bunch of them like hot potatoes!

Nasty bitches!

MGKROCKS · 15/10/2017 17:49

The mistake is in the tital....friends ,they are not

Awhoosh · 15/10/2017 17:52

I would also double check that self-appointed leader didn't misunderstand. You could ask her / birthday girl / generally oh! How have I missed spa day???

Either person you spoke to misunderstood (and others may not have known) or one or more of them are horrible.

I'd check before severing all ties! But YANBU to be upset.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/10/2017 17:58

You didn’t tell us what happened. Did she know about the situation?

WoollyMollyMonkey · 15/10/2017 18:00

Whatever you reply to your 'friend' ( which, if you're asking, should be NO I WILL NOT LOOK AFTER YOUR CHILD) DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES INCLUDE THE WORD "SORRY"!!!!

StefMay · 15/10/2017 18:05

Congrats for not wanting to get into debt, OP.

Friendships should not be dependent on what you spend on someone.

I'd rather ALL my friends got together with a takeaway so everyone could come than going somewhere fancy with a friend missing.

flyingspaghettimonster · 15/10/2017 18:21

I'd bank in it being a misunderstanding. I guess with the payment for attending benign. Included in the gift payment they assumed you just couldn't afford to come, so
Moved it to a date more convenient for all of them and didn't bring it up so as not to hurt you by reminding you what you were missing out on.

FaveNumberIs2 · 15/10/2017 18:27

Why would it be a misunderstanding?

The OP has already said that on a number of occasions, she has helped out more than one of these "friends" in more ways that just financial, so surely if it had been a misunderstanding, then at least one of these "friends" would have said "gee, songforsal has helped us out in the past, and she's just started a new job, shall we just help her out so she can come along?"

But no, they didn't, they just dropped her.

AND, it's not like they missed her £75 of the present because she wasn't there to put it in!!!!

She never said "I'm short of cash so can't come at all." did she!?

mogulfield · 15/10/2017 18:27

Did the Op ever return?

cherish123 · 15/10/2017 18:41

That seems a lot for a Pandora bracelet- which are a bit tacky anyway. They sound horrible. Why would they change the date? I would ask the birthday girl when the spa date is. Have you known them long? I would distance myself from them and definitely not babysit.

PurplePenguins · 15/10/2017 18:42

The present was a Pandora bracelet with a few charms. Not cheap. I was going to pop over some flowers and some posh chocolates when I get paid. Feeling silly now.

Don't feel silly OP it's the thought that counts. You are a kind person unfortunately it sounds like theyre not 😢

PurplePenguins · 15/10/2017 18:43

And definitely wouldnt mind her kids x

pollymere · 15/10/2017 18:51

I think what you said has made them think that you couldn't afford to go, so they went without you. I think it's a misunderstanding. Mumsnet is full of friends putting financial pressure on for gifts and you say yours understood which sounds like a positive to me. Give them a chance but put your sensors up to make sure they're not just using you.

Minaktinga · 15/10/2017 19:19

Just to say I’d have spent a month crying about this. What a horrible thing to happen. So sorry. I’d try to find out exactly what happened.

Someonessnackbitch · 15/10/2017 19:22

😮😮😮😮😮

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 15/10/2017 19:32

Are you totally sure this wasn’t a misunderstanding? Did child of the spa owners message and say that’ll be £100 and you said that you couldn’t afford it and they assumed that meant you couldn’t go? Was the £100 something like £20 spa entry, £20 lunch £40 treatments and £20 gift for friend? In which case I think it might be fair enough to assume you meant you weren’t coming when you said you couldn’t afford it.

TheweewitchRoz · 15/10/2017 19:34

If there was no misunderstanding, then that's pretty shitty of them Op. I'd send Southwest or Fridays text - did you reply?

ShinyBadger · 15/10/2017 19:46

That’s mean, I would be tempted to text back, I’m out and haven’t got my diary, I will check when I get in if I can have your kids on..... I’m super excited about the spa day, it will be so lovely to spend the day with you all. Do you want me to give you a lift? Or are we all going together? Xx

See what you get back..... it will all be massively awkward.
Ever thought that she may not know you weren’t invited, the other girl may have just said that you couldnt come and your poor friend is none the wiser.... (I’m hedging bets here) as I would of text and said I’m gutted you couldn’t of come to the spa today really wish you were here....

I would asked her straight up abit it!

Sunny779 · 15/10/2017 19:49

I'm sorry I'm commenting so late but I felt it was necessary. Absolutely you need to check there wasn't a misunderstanding that you weren't going to be attending due to finances. If there was no misunderstanding then what they did was really, really mean. I hoping there was a misunderstanding as you sound like a close group and it's always nice to think that "sisters" stick together. Fingers crossed

StarlitTrees · 15/10/2017 20:09

What did you reply to her??

AnnoyedinJanuary · 15/10/2017 20:20

It's things like this which make me despair of women at times!!! We're all for being treated equally to men but we can be absolutely downright nasty to each other. Why do I find it hard to imagine a bunch of blokes would do this to each other! My husband seems to have much less complicated friendships than I do and I've been hurt in the past like this by friends also. Best thing to do is move on.