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Original poster

To be annoyed with my friends?

232 replies

SongforSal · 14/10/2017 20:21

5 of us get together frequently for drinks etc. This month was one of my friends birthday. One of our friends has a parent that runs a spa type place, and wangled us an amazing deal of 20 quid each. Amazing.

Anyway, as not to drip feed. The spar day was 2 weeks before the actual birthday, now money has been tight for me. The car went to car heaven, and I have started a new job with a 7 week pay gap. I did however budget for friends birthday.

A week before the spa, with the view that once I got paid, I'd give her a pressie in time for her birthday. Another friend sent her bank details to me asking for 100 quid. Turns out she assumed I would split the cost for birthday girl, and put in jointly for a big present. I explained my financial situation and they understood.

I was planning on going still and sending a present when I get paid. However.

Just seen pictures on social media, the date was moved and they went without me.
Thinking about it, not one of them has even asked how my new job is going. I have babysat their kids numerous times and fed them. One of these friends I recently gave a gig ticket to for free worth loads as it comes with back stage access, and I gave it to her because she loves the artist more than me. Another of these friends I have financially helped when down on their luck.

Don't get me wrong. I am glad my friend had a nice birthday, but it seems I was ultimately excluded because I could not financially contribute to the big present.

Anyway, had a message from birthday girl tonight asking if I could look after her DC'S next week overnight. No mention of her birthday, no asking about my new job. Am I being a mug or to sensitive?

.

OP posts:
Neolara · 14/10/2017 21:51

Blimey. £80 for a friend's birthday present. I think that's a vast amount of money.. I don't even spend that on my dh.

kaytee87 · 14/10/2017 21:51

I think you definitely need to reply and ask why the spa day was moved without anyone telling you. I'd add them all into a group chat actually and ask. I wouldn't pretend you don't know when it is or that you don't know they've already been, just ask outright.

3EyedRaven · 14/10/2017 21:51

Bunch of bitches that was meant to say.
I wouldn’t send her anything sarcastic/passive aggressive. I’d say I’m quite hurt I’m good enough to watch your kids, but not to go on your poxy spa day.

mogulfield · 14/10/2017 21:51

Are they all really rich? Did they spend this on your birthday?

3EyedRaven · 14/10/2017 21:52

Did they spend this on your birthday?
Yeah, that’s a point.

Groovee · 14/10/2017 21:54

I’d be hurt.

I’d probably post on the Fb post with “ was looking forward to this but it appears you all forgot about me!”

The reply to the text with No!

LonginesPrime · 14/10/2017 21:58

Anyway, had a message from birthday girl tonight asking if I could look after her DC'S next week overnight.

The correct answer is just 'No.' although I would have to restrain myself from adding 'fuck you' afterwards

StarlitTrees · 14/10/2017 22:00

So many messages we all would love to send in this situation.
But I really think the direct, honest route is best.

Say you were really hurt by what they did. How you have always tried to help out your friends when you can, and they go and do this just because you couldn't contribute to an expensive gift.
Say you need some space to reflect on what they have done to you and decide if you want to be part of the 'friendship' group any more.

ny20005 · 14/10/2017 22:05

Before you reply - wonder if the birthday girl knew ? Might have been the rest of them that excluded you & they just told her you couldn’t go

scottishdiem · 14/10/2017 22:07

Usually on here I find friends doing things without other friends a bit of drama about nothing but this one has me raging for OP. The multiple levels of cheek and bitchiness that was needed to do this is epic.

They are not friends. I would contact them all, including birthday girl, and explain from your side what happened and ask for an explanation. If they get stroppy in return then you know they arent really friends.

FreakinScaryCaaw · 14/10/2017 22:09

Do any of them ever do anything for You?

I'm astounded at their cheek.

WishingOnABar · 14/10/2017 22:13

If the birthday girl was not involved in your exclusion then why didn’t she contact you to see why you couldnt attend, it looks like a very shallow and unkind action by them all. I think Maelstrop had the perfect response

Seti · 14/10/2017 22:16

Not sure, when's the spa day again, I'm getting quite booked up x

HunterHearstHelmsley · 14/10/2017 22:16

Have you replied yet?

RapunzelsRealMom · 14/10/2017 22:22

The birthday girl should have checked or asked, but Could it possibly have gone like this?:

OP: I'm sorry, I can't afford that for the gift. I've only got money set aside for the spa day
Friend on phone (not hearing correctly/not listening/not properly paying attention): OK, that's a shame. Thinks: that's weird. I thought OP said she could afford the spa day, now she can't. I better not ask too many questions incase it's too personal, etc.

Friend to other friends: so OP can't go after all. We probably shouldn't quiz her on it; it's a bit weird because she'd already said she could afford it. Something odd must have happened that she felt she couldn't tell me.
Other friends agree not to pressure you and carry on regardless.

honeyroar · 14/10/2017 22:23

Yes I think Wishing is right - the birthday girl must've know. You were excluded, yet obviously didn't say anything.

I really think that you have to contact the one that asked you for the money and ask her why you were left out - put her on the spot..

And the answer to the babysitting question is NO!!

Twopeapods · 14/10/2017 22:25

This is digging up feelings about exactly what happened with my group of friends. They are no longer my friends,
Personally if you don't want it to blow up I would text back saying, I'm sorry birthday friend, but seeing as I was excluded from your birthday, I now know where I stand. I'm the friend only good enough for favours and free childcare, and therefore will not be doing it any longer. Words cannot cover how hurt I am."
Or if you don't mind putting it more bluntly "no I will no longer look after your kids, you pisstaking bunch of c*s."

ducknose · 14/10/2017 22:27

...did they think you would just forget?! Such a strange way to treat a friend.
I would feign ignorance and say you can't wait for the spa trip as it's been a stressful month, just to make her squirm. Regardless of her reply, I would make sure you're only free to babysit on the 12th of Never unfortunately.

TidyDancer · 14/10/2017 22:29

Wow this is ridiculously bad behaviour from so-called friends and cheeky on another level. I don’t say that lightly either, I’m the one who had the piss ripped out of me by Gluezilla after all.

I really don’t think I could remain friends with people who treated me so poorly. I would never look at them the same way again.

eddielizzard · 14/10/2017 22:31

just say you can't. don't mention anything else. the damage is done.

AdalindSchade · 14/10/2017 22:34

So nobody actually told you the spa day was cancelled? Wow that's unbelievably mean.

TheNoodlesIncident · 14/10/2017 22:36

No way. Because even if they genuinely thought you couldn't afford the spa day and not just the present contribution, a real friend would say: "No problem, we'll throw in for SongForSal. She's done loads for us over the years." Wouldn't they? I would do that for a friend without thinking about it.

Sack em off OP, you deserve better than that!

user1471449805 · 14/10/2017 22:39

No, not overly sensitive.

I'd just delete the message and move on with my life without them.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 14/10/2017 22:45

Can you look after her child next week. Over your dead body. The cheeky fucker. Why are they all going out in their cunting clique again.Angry.
You'd be better off with enemies, op.
At least your enemies are upfront about being cunts.

diddl · 14/10/2017 22:50

4 of you putting in about £70 for a present?

Bloody hell.

I'd be mortified to have friends spend that much on me.

Being left out of the spa day makes no sense at all.

I think I'd have to ask her why she was asking me-as I thought that the friendship must be over as I was uninvited from the bday spa.

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