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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you go to the Middle East in my position?

156 replies

missladybird · 14/10/2017 17:25

3 year old dd with ex who lives/works in the ME for the next couple of years. I stupidly thought it was a good idea to go and visit him early next year and now I'm having second thoughts. Flights have been paid for (by him) but no accommodation so far.

Wwyd?

OP posts:

Doramaybe · 14/10/2017 18:44

@Kathysclown

thank you so much for all that information. Just what I was looking for.

I'm afraid my jelly belly would not allow a bikini anywhere least of all on the street, and I am respectful of local cultures, but not the extent that I couldn't get a G+T or a bottle of wine ON HOLIDAYS, or would have to cover up in a black tent either, lol.

Sounds a bit like Dubai/Abu without the skyscrapers, and it looks delightful for a Winter holiday.

HappenedForAReisling · 14/10/2017 18:45

Oh, check he's not booked for you to go during Ramadan ( mid May to mid June).

Karak · 14/10/2017 18:48

Have people been arrested for reporting a rape in Oman? Could you share a link?

It's happened in Dubai and in Qatar but I've never heard of it happening in Oman and it doesn't fit with how Oman is really.

I don't understand why people give opinions when they have no ideas of the countries involved.

In Oman you can drink (you can bring alcohol in by air but not if you drive in), women can drive, vote, work and you can cover/ not cover as you wish. I wouldn't be walking around in hotpants but that goes both ways - last year we were in a fairly conservative part of Oman (Nizwa for those who know Oman) and knees had to be covered to enter the supermarket. It was my husband who was told he couldn't come in.

The Omanis are some of the most chilled people in the GCC (noting that everyone's obviously an individual within that) and have been a trading civilisation for thousands of years meaning they are very accepting of other's culture.

Bluerosethorns · 14/10/2017 18:51

I just can't really visualise being comfortable in a country where exposed knees are not allowed in a supermarket. Shaky ground these places - for all the liberal 'oh so safe so beautiful' you can never relax and for that reason i would not go.

Karak · 14/10/2017 18:51

Dora my last trip to Oman the hotel specialised in gun and had around 20 varieties. The barman was most disappointed when we wanted wine!

Karak · 14/10/2017 18:52

gin obsv not gun!

HappyEverIftar · 14/10/2017 18:52

Ten years in the ME here and can confirm Oman is beautiful and the Omanis are the friendliest of the GCC nationals (apart from Bahrainis).

I feel more unsafe in the UK to be honest.

Karak · 14/10/2017 18:53

That's fine bluerose but you're avoiding a good third (if not more) of the world by saying that. Plenty of cultures feel that you shouldn't expose too much skin. It was the same in the UK less than 100 years ago!

Poshindevon · 14/10/2017 18:54

Your Ex is right Muscat is safe, much safer than the UK in many ways.
Oman is a wealthy country consequently crime rates are low. A strict religious, moral and legal code means crime of any type is severely punished, and the deterrent seems to work. Omanis are also very relaxed, gracious and polite.
I visted Oman some years ago, its a beautiful country, fabulous beaches.
Just remember to be conservative in your dress. No bikinis on public beaches stick to a one piece bathing suit. No very short dreses, legging , "daisy dukes" shorts , or strappy tops when you go out shopping etc.
You will be fine accomodation is usually of a high standard.
Relax and enjoy yourself.

Ta1kinPeece · 14/10/2017 18:55

When Simon Reeve did his round the world trip, Oman was his fave, fave, fave country in the middle East ...

Ta1kinPeece · 14/10/2017 18:56

Bluerose
I just can't really visualise being comfortable in a country where exposed knees are not allowed in a supermarket.
I went on holiday to Tanzania
loose baggy clothes over the knees and shoulders were a very sensible dress code

GerrytheBerry · 14/10/2017 18:56

@gnus, it's the terror thing for me, but then again I am a bit paranoid about it all lol

GerrytheBerry · 14/10/2017 18:57

Then again reading peoples experiences of the place I do think it sounds pretty good!

Austentatious · 14/10/2017 19:00

Muscat is about as much like Saudi as Portugal is. IT's a safe and relatively progressive country. British links run deep - the Sultan was educated in the UK, and British investment / companies have and are still developing the infrastructure. I have several friends living there and have visited multiple times. The only possible reason to hesitate is if you think that there is even the remotest reason of his family / him abducting your daughter while there. Since he's an expat, I would imagine that this is an extremely remote risk. It is a wonderful, wonderful place to go for a holiday. There are a few hotels in / close to Muscat which have great facilities for small children. YOu will love it.

Karak · 14/10/2017 19:00

Oman rocks. I don't live there but close enough I have to be careful my phone isn't roaming on an Omani network.

But OP that is a completely separate point to whether you should put yourself in a position where you are completely reliant on your ex. I'd be inclined to say leave it a couple of years (your DD isn't going to get much out of it at 3) but as it's you changing your mind you should be prepared to cover anything he loses if cancelling the flights.

Nice beach holiday with your daughter and not costing you much though!

GnusSitOnCanoes · 14/10/2017 19:00

I always read comments like that by @BlueRose and think how limiting it must be to cut off great swathes of the world just because they aren't tiny replicas of England. It's a modest culture - both men and women are expected to adhere to certain rules. To refuse to visit, to see a new country, and to meet new people for such a small thing - it baffles me.

timeisnotaline · 14/10/2017 19:02

It sounds like a lovely country to visit. I wouldn't go to Saudi but overall Oman sounds like a great holiday destination with warm beaches, friendly people , safer than the uk, and it seems pretty clear from some knowleadgable posters that he can't possibly kidnap them, op doesn't sound worried he would anyway, knee length shorts / skirts is perfectly fine, my worst holiday days have been in morocco on a tour with embarrassing whiny moany English people and their daughters bottoms falling out of their hot pants. Who refused to tip and thought we shouldn't stop at any cultural sites because despite booking a tour they were bored. Just avoid anyone like this and it should be amazing!

CamperVamp · 14/10/2017 19:02

We have occasion to visit a very hot country. I can't understand why Westerners wear skimpy clothing in boiling sun. Long loose thin cotton is so much less sweaty and keeps you from burning.

GnusSitOnCanoes · 14/10/2017 19:03

@Gerry, yes, I get that. But - over the past decade - there have been fewer terror attacks in the whole GCC than in the UK. It's a very safe region. Come and see for yourself! Good time of year now - weather is cooling down.

holdthewine · 14/10/2017 19:03

I have been to Muscat. Oman and would not hesitate to go again. Friends of ours are going there next week in fact. Nowhere in the world is completely safe but you genuinely are probably at more risk driving to the airport. There are countries I wouldn’t visit but Oman yes.

Karak · 14/10/2017 19:05

Places I would want to cover my knees are a lot of south east asia, all of south Asia, all of the middle East (except Beirut), and much of Africa. Possibly a lot of central Asia too (although I haven't checked). That's a lot of the world to avoid.

BoomBoomsCousin · 14/10/2017 19:05

At 3 I don't think she'd get anything out of a trip to Oman that she wouldn't get to a trip to a British city she hasn't been to before. Another 3 years or so and it would be a different matter.

I can see why you're concerned about visiting him on his turf. Depending on what you're like and what how he's likely to act, I don't think this needs to be bad for you, but it certainly has the possibility of being painful.

Since you've already agreed and he's shelled out for tickets, I think the question is - will the fall out from saying no now be more damaging for your relationship with him (and so DD's) than the potentially uncomfortable visit? Are there any "rules" you could put in place for the visit which will minimize your concerns without being as bad as cancelling?

oldlaundbooth · 14/10/2017 19:06

Er, no.

SweetCrustPastry · 14/10/2017 19:10

Oman is supposed to be fabulous. Can you take a friend/sister/your mum if you're worried about being part of his new life?

NutButterNutter · 14/10/2017 19:16

Haven't RTFT so soz if it has been said, but Oman is brill and very safe. It's politically fine, and it stays out of everything that is going on so isn't a target in anyway. Oh, and it's utterly beautiful. I mean stunning. I've lived in a few places in the Middle East and it is the one that really stands out as feeling safe.

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