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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you go to the Middle East in my position?

156 replies

missladybird · 14/10/2017 17:25

3 year old dd with ex who lives/works in the ME for the next couple of years. I stupidly thought it was a good idea to go and visit him early next year and now I'm having second thoughts. Flights have been paid for (by him) but no accommodation so far.

Wwyd?

OP posts:

Monny1 · 14/10/2017 18:00

l wouldnt take her as you dont know his motives. He can see her, when he visits the UK.

CoyoteCafe · 14/10/2017 18:02

no.
no.
no.

Your DD is 3. She won't even remember this trip. You give up a lot of rights, and there is NOTHING to gain.

Monny1 · 14/10/2017 18:04

If this is no hidden adjenda, then why hasnt he booked accommodation for you, or why hasnt he said, that you can both stay with him? Why dont you ask him about accomodation for you and your daughter?

sonjadog · 14/10/2017 18:05

I would go, but only if you are 100% sure that there will be no problem with you taking her home again after the trip.

sonjadog · 14/10/2017 18:07

I would expect the hotel to be booked pretty sharpish though. All arrangements should be in place for your visit well before you leave.

maxthemartian · 14/10/2017 18:09

Muscat is lovely and perfectly safe for a woman with a young child.

myshinynewusername · 14/10/2017 18:10

Don't go. You know your ex, nobody on here does. If you are having doubts, I think you should trust yourself and not go.

Why would he not book accommodation?

He can come here and visit the child.

Ta1kinPeece · 14/10/2017 18:12

You need to know where you'll be staying

if at his, you need to know the address and that you will have your own space
and how many servants he has
and what you will do during the day while he's at work

if a hotel, full details of the room

this site is interesting www.expatwoman.com/oman/monthly_oman_guide_Where_To_Live_In_Oman_9497.aspx

IAmTheDragon · 14/10/2017 18:12

I LOVE Muscat. I'm in the Middle East a lot. There is no reason to worry - honestly.

Emotionally, it may be tricky. That is your biggest concern imo.

Doramaybe · 14/10/2017 18:13

To those who know Muscat, is it a dry country re alcohol, are women (including visitors) expected to wear the burka or cover up like in SA, or is it kind of Westernised?

Thanks. I could google all this I know, but far better to get it from those who are/have been there.

eddielizzard · 14/10/2017 18:16

holiday? yes. live? no.

ihearttc · 14/10/2017 18:16

It's not as westernised as Dubai or Abu Dhabi but more more liberal than Saudi.

MuseumOfCurry · 14/10/2017 18:17

Muscat is lovely, the ocean is the hottest I've ever encountered.

There is absolutely alcohol available.

I see no reason not to go.

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 14/10/2017 18:19

I wouldn't particularly consider a country where they arrest women for reporting a rape westernised.

North Korea is probably more liberal than Saudi.

Doramaybe · 14/10/2017 18:20

@ihearttc,

Anywhere in ME is more liberal than Saudi I reckon! One place I would never visit.

I was just wondering how easy it might be to go on a trip there as a woman (I'd have a man in tow, but they get away with everything, anywhere!)

It looks lovely, Thanks.

AudacityJones · 14/10/2017 18:22

I grew up in Muscat (but an expat, not Omani) was there until I was 15. It's quite sad to read all the posters on here tarring an entire region with one broad ignorant brush as "unsafe" or bad for women without any knowledge.

The city is beautiful, chilled out, safe, friendly, and nothing like most other parts of the Middle East. There isn't the glitzy OTT glamour of Dubai, but it's got a lot of old world charm and natural beauty. It's quite progressive in that women are not expected to cover their heads or prevented from driving etc.

As with many other countries in the Middle East, you have to follow local laws. Getting drunk, attempting to bring in drugs etc are all strict no nos. Shoplifting or any attempt at theft are dealt with as per Islamic law. Public displays of affection are disallowed. But none of these rules are particularly hard to follow unless you're being deliberately obtuse.

As a kid I loved the corniche, the various parks, esp nizam gardens, and the weather is brilliant in the winter.

As for your ex and the dynamic - that's something for you to figure out, but as a non-Omani he won't have any rights to keep your daughter with him at the end of the stay. But you will need separate accommodation since it won't be a good idea to stay with him.

ihearttc · 14/10/2017 18:23

My DH works(and lives) in Saudi and absolutely loves it. If you can look past everything else it's a beautiful country. However Im not ever going there!

Aridane · 14/10/2017 18:28

Hell yeah I'd go

GnusSitOnCanoes · 14/10/2017 18:29

Oman is lovely - lovely people, lovely culture, beautiful green country. Completely different to the UAE in that you will actually see Omanis working in shops, in restaurants etc - you'll get much more of a feel for the country. Great time of year to go as well - it won't be uncomfortably hot. And it's very safe - there have been far fewer terror attacks in the GCC than there have been in the UK.

You don't need to cover at all - I would wear modest clothing (by which I mean no hot pants, micro skirts etc) simply because it is a conservative country. No one is going to harass you, but you just might feel a bit more comfortable. I've been there multiple times alone and never had any concerns.

In terms of visiting your ex, he is not your daughter's sponsor and has no visa for her. He is not Omani. Therefore he has no legal rights under the law here to keep her or prevent her from traveling. If you personally have concerns about him, that is different - but don't be alarmed about the law here. I don't think he'd even get a jurisdiction hearing.

mindutopia · 14/10/2017 18:30

Definitely. Muscat is very safe. I have family there (expats) and they love it. We nearly went there for a family wedding last year, but unfortunately couldn't afford the flights or time off. My dd was 3 at the time and I wouldn't have hesitated to take her. We've lived in South Asia and I've lived in Southern Africa, so have worked some fairly unsafe places, but wouldn't have given it a second thought really if it hadn't been for the money.

GerrytheBerry · 14/10/2017 18:31

Definitely would not go! Especially with a child

Kathysclown · 14/10/2017 18:34

Muscat is a lovely place, and very safe. There are several great hotels in the city, as well as just outside, so i would try and get booked into one of those (Crown Plaza is very popular, I think?). The people of Oman are honest and trustworthy - no haggling (apart from in the Souq) and you won't be ripped off anywhere. You can get alcohol in the hotels, but not outside of them (I think). No need to cover up - the locals do not wear burqas etc, and in fact the culture is quite different to that of Saudi/UAE etc. However, it is still a muslim country, so you should dress for 'modesty' i.e. not wear a bikini outside of the hotel pool area, don't wear 'short shorts' or mini skirts and low cut/vest tops etc when out and about. It is just about being respectful, rather than any actual law requiring you to be covered.

Entry visas are interesting - we once nearly didn't get allowed in as some employment statuses are not allowed i.e. people with 'Sales' as their job are not allowed to get visas (no idea why!), so that took a bit of negotiating to get in (but we were living in the ME, so had to hand over our identity papers). We learned what not to say/write down in future visits. So, take a look at those regulations, and make sure you have some Omani cash on you for when you land to get a visa for you both.

GnusSitOnCanoes · 14/10/2017 18:35

@Gerry - why? What do you think is going to happen?

soberexpat · 14/10/2017 18:39

Muscat is an amazing place, as is Oman in general. We visit very often and it's one of my favourite places. Very safe very friendly. Omani people are wonderful.

bambambini · 14/10/2017 18:42

I'd be wary unless you trust him 200% - not with children involved.

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