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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this Headmistress is living in another era

242 replies

inabizzlefam · 13/10/2017 22:55

Picked DS 1 up from school today and he informed me that I had to be at his school on Monday at 1pm for “parents evening “.
Sorry but since when did evening start at 1pm.
I told DS I couldn’t get then as I would be working but he could ask his dad to attend as he is self employed so could juggle stuff around to fit it in.
DS says “headmistress says I had to ask you(mum) because she says all the dads won’t be able to go as they’ll be at work”.
Not sure what I’m more 😮 at: the fact that she assumes all mums spend their day watching daytime tv with a hobnob so can drop everything to attend parents evenings in the middle of the day, or that the dads are all far too busy to put themselves out to possibly be the slightest bit interested in their childs education.

OP posts:
MasterofKittens · 15/10/2017 18:17

@MargaretCavendsh...teaching is a real job thank you very much. We work evenings, weekends and our holidays are used for long term planning. Not sure where you get the idea that teaching is 8.30 til 3. There is often staff training after school and when do you think lesson planning and marking gets done? A teacher's day doesn't end when the pupils leave for the day.

pollymere · 15/10/2017 19:01

I would check the facts. You don't say how old ds is and my dd has come home with some complete howlers over the years! She might have said that she regretted that this meant many Dads would be unable to come. I've worked in schools where they start at 1pm and end around 4pm as parents just didn't attend at all otherwise. Some Heads, especially in Primary, do seem to have a 1950s attitude though, so it might turn out to be true...

jayne1976 · 15/10/2017 19:14

Skye is annoying! A parent might be able to deal with intermittent signals / waiting to hear responses, but why should a teacher deal with that for hours!
Completely understand not every parent can drop everything and fly to parents 'evening', and utterly strange comment from head, whose teaching these kids to basically undervalue mums and women's don't work after having kids!

Youcanstayundermyumbrella · 15/10/2017 19:15

But Pollymere, even if she did say that, it's still sexual stereotyping. Plenty of mothers can't turn up to a 1pm parents event because they are at work.

Bluelonerose · 15/10/2017 19:19

Haven't read the whole thread but I think skype is a fantastic idea.
I struggle with anxiety and find high school parents evenings virtually impossible so dc dad attends. Skype would allow me to be just as involved then.

DagenhamRoundhouse · 15/10/2017 20:01

I can't believe the amount of involvement modern parent(s) are meant to have with their children's schools. When I were a gal my parents never went near the school. It was considered a world apart. And if the headmistress (yes she was called that) had occasion to contact parents, the parents were always on her side, not automatically and defensively on the child's side.

PurplePenguins · 15/10/2017 20:11

Although my user name might imply that I am a certain age, that meeting was not many years ago!

I'm with you My grandchildrenrock. My grandchildren are nearly 3 while son no4 is only 6. I have a 16 year age gap between no1 son and no4 son 😁

mygrandchildrenrock · 15/10/2017 20:53

PurplePenguins that is indeed similar to my family. My youngest daughter was an auntie when she was born! She is almost 17 and the nephew she is closest to is 13, they are much more like cousins.
(Not sure of the etiquette of chatting on someone else's thread!)

Turquoise123 · 15/10/2017 21:27

I have been through 5 schools now . All of them seemed to think that most families had someone at home all the time. I have a lot of flexibility at works - but others don't and meetings during the working day created misery , stress and even fear . It's no good saying take an afternoon's holiday - then what do you do in the real holidays?

We always aim for my husband to attend .... I think if more families did this it would send a hint as the assumption seems to be that men work but women do not.

Maireadplastic · 15/10/2017 22:16

'I can't believe the amount of involvement modern parent(s) are meant to have with their children's schools.'

I'm glad to be involved! I didn't just have them to fob them off onto someone else when they reach 4 yrs old.

Original poster
inabizzlefam · 16/10/2017 00:21

I don’t think anyone has children just so they can dump them onto the school when they are 4.
But there does seem to be this old fashioned view still in schools that a parent will always be available to drop everything and scuttle off to school when requested, and it’s usually the mother. I’ve never had a call from DCs dad asking me me to attend a meeting because the school have contacted him first asking him to attend a meeting/parent evening

OP posts:
simiisme · 16/10/2017 00:38

Do check that's exactly what was said. I'm a teacher. Apparently I told my Year 7s that their parents would be sitting around drinking instead of coping to parents' evening. I actually told them to let me know if their parents weren't coming so I could run off from my desk for a drink break. To be fair, there's a slight language barrier.
If it is true, complain - firmly.

Venusflytwat · 16/10/2017 00:43

Littlecaf I'm so glad you're here.
I'll cancel my oncology clinic for th day shall I? I'm sure my patients won't mind being bumped at such short notice, it is for my kids after all.

Could you be a love and ring them for me?

Droogan · 16/10/2017 00:57

Our headmistress also assumed that mums didn't work. Lots of things were arranged on that basis. I called her on it a couple of times, but she never seemed to accept that women had real jobs, rather than just hobbies.

StealthPolarBear · 16/10/2017 04:48

Sim :o

Maireadplastic · 16/10/2017 07:22

But Venus, if I have an appt in your clinic I rearrange accordingly. I do the same for my children's parents eves. For the smaller two it adds up to about two hours (inc journey etc) twice a year, for the older one about three hours once a year.

They're my children, why wouldn't I do that?

Littlenic73 · 16/10/2017 07:31

I can think of times when Skyping parents evening would have worked really well. My parents had to go to a funeral 200 miles away one year, they were away for a week, I was 16 and my parents sent me to parents evening instead.
Lots of people I know could be out of the country or away on business, even at fairly short notice.

coconuttella · 16/10/2017 08:07

Skype is a great idea. In fact, for a parents evening session where your child has no major issues, a phone call would probably suffice. I have plenty of conference calls at work... they generally work fine. It's only sensitive or particularly complex issues that a face to face is necessary.

Btw, I say this as someone who has only missed one of my children's open evenings (my DP attended it without me).

coconuttella · 16/10/2017 08:11

But Venus, if I have an appt in your clinic I rearrange accordingly

Hmm. You do realise what an oncology clinic is? Is a parents evening so important and immoveable that you'd risk your cancer treatment, and your ability to EVER go to a parents evening again!!

coconuttella · 16/10/2017 08:13

Sorry, 'their' not 'your'

MsPassepartout · 16/10/2017 08:59

i don't think anyone who understands what oncology is could rank attending parents evening as being as important as attending an oncology clinic.

mammmamia · 16/10/2017 09:10

Skype needs to be an option. I've dialled DH into parents evening when he was travelling abroad. I was here in person. Why shouldn't he be able to listen in and hear it directly from the teacher? I don't care if it looked twatty. They're his kids as well and we both travel for work so it might be me dialling in next time.

Maireadplastic · 16/10/2017 09:14

Coconut- indeed I do. My point is that we adjust our days for many reasons, why not for our children's education- I don't get it.
On another thread people talked about 'doing anything' for their children- moving home, pretending to be religious, fraudulently claiming to live in properties but here, going to meet your child's parent seems the height of inconvenience. Working with teachers is essential.

Also, I've never known a teacher yet who has refused to make an alternative time if I can't get to the official parents eve.

LBOCS2 · 16/10/2017 09:20

DD’s school runs two shorter sessions. One in the afternoon and one in the evening. Seems to work quite well. And DH is quite lucky in that as long as it’s not going to clash with an already booked meeting, he can get away for it relatively easily - the industry we work in is quite flexible like that which is very useful especially as it’s not one in which you can work part-time.

longestlurkerever · 16/10/2017 22:28

People do put themselves out to meet teachers. But the point being made is there are ways this could be made easier to no real detriment. We use Skype and phone conferences at work all the time. Parents are stakeholders in the school, I work in public service and we try not to treat members of the public like they are total irritants whose time is unimportant if we can help it.