To think this Headmistress is living in another era

[inabizzlefam]

Picked DS 1 up from school today and he informed me that I had to be at his school on Monday at 1pm for “parents evening “.
Sorry but since when did evening start at 1pm.
I told DS I couldn’t get then as I would be working but he could ask his dad to attend as he is self employed so could juggle stuff around to fit it in.
DS says “headmistress says I had to ask you(mum) because she says all the dads won’t be able to go as they’ll be at work”.
Not sure what I’m more 😮 at: the fact that she assumes all mums spend their day watching daytime tv with a hobnob so can drop everything to attend parents evenings in the middle of the day, or that the dads are all far too busy to put themselves out to possibly be the slightest bit interested in their childs education.

Our school announces dates at least at the beginning of the term so they go straight into the calendar and I book time off work if necessary. But I come to the conclusion our school is really a one-of with this.

It is, I was given 3 days notice that there was a parents evening, but my appointment slot was only confirmed on the morning itself.

That does sound a bit odd. After all she is a working woman herself. However, I don't think it would be unbelievable either. You could just ask why only mums can attend as this was the impression given to your dc. She'll either then explain what it was said and you can correct her or she'll explain the confusion.

Parents evenings wouldn't really be all that great over Skype as connections can be tricky and work is usually shown/discussed which would be difficult. I'm also not sure of the security implications, if any.

If any parent couldn't make a parents evening they could always ask for an appointment at another time. Though this may not work as well at secondary.

Parents evening at primary is a total waste of time IMO

If there's an issue you would hope that they would raise it away from parents evening

*So a parent can't be bothered or doesn't prioritise their child's education enough to actually meet their teachers?

Take annual leave if you work.*

Lol bless you. Yes, if I am given a few hours or a weeks notice I can just "take annual leave".

Never mind that I might have a meeting that day where CFO's of large companies might be flying in from different countries, flights booked, time arranged, 7 or 8 people coming in from different parts of the world, time critical decisions to be made. I'll just take annual leave - I'm sure everyone would understand.

All school events should be set at the start of the year. If they are given with a few hours or a week or two's notice then Skype in an excellent solution.

YNBU I wouldn't be impressed by that either!

I had similar when there was an incident with DS at their Dads. (he's autistic & can get violent - DD in true form never said a word to her Dad or Stepmum or me when ExDH dropped them home and chose to tell the HT at the end of the day on the Monday).

Me: "but it happened at their Dads why did you ring me? He's more than capable of discussing this issue with you".

HT: "Yeah well we thought he might be busy with work". (they knew his shift pattern - he starts at god o clock and is finished by 2pm so more than able to sort school issues)

Me: "So am I. I am currently on a contract and don't finish until x time".

Her: "well we just thought it'd be easier if we deal with you".

I don't know what's more insulting either, the fact that they thought they assumed I didnt work or the fact they think their father is completely inept at helping sort an issue with school out.

We also at primary and secondary had all dates at the beginning of term. In primary we had choices of time starting at 1pm in some cases but usually at 3.30 with slots up til 7.30.
Secondary was evening and started at 5.30 - 9

I don't know a school that would rely on a verbal message from a child to arrange a parents' evening. If DS has got it completely right then obviously complain that the time is difficult for you and that you need more notice.

If primary then you only need to meet one or two teachers so you could ask for a more convenient time and I am sure a teacher would agree

Our school announces dates at least at the beginning of the term so they go straight into the calendar and I book time off work if necessary. But I come to the conclusion our school is really a one-of with this.

Yes it is. We had a weeks notice about this years parents evening. One of the jobs I used to work in, say if you wanted Christmas off you'd have to book it off in June to stand a chance.

This scenario was always on of my major complaints with schools. They have no concept of people actually working in real jobs, we don't all work 8.30 - 3 with 13 weeks holiday a year. We can't all drop work immediately we are summonsed for an appointment, we have child care, work cover, commutes to arrange. parent consultation days being a particular bugbear, expected to lose a days holiday for a 10 minute appointment at 12 noon.

Stupid comments about taking random bits of leave to care about a childs education - you wouldn't be saying that to a surgeon who cancelled your operation, "cancel my operation with 1/2 an hours notice, doctor, what's that? Little Johnny's school has a random cake event and you have to turn up otherwise school sys you are a bad parent, of course I understand!! not going to happen is it. Many career teachers have never worked in the outside world, they have been in an educational environment since they were 4 years old, they have no concept of real life dynamics and juggling acts. We don't all live our life in neat 6 week parcels.

Our school release dates early as well, our parents evening is on a day in December at 4.30pm. Is this not the norm?

This scenario was always on of my major complaints with schools. They have no concept of people actually working in real jobs, we don't all work 8.30 - 3 with 13 weeks holiday a year. We can't all drop work immediately we are summonsed for an appointment, we have child care, work cover, commutes to arrange. parent consultation days being a particular bugbear, expected to lose a days holiday for a 10 minute appointment at 12 noon.

What on earth are you on about? Teachers are among the people least able to attend a meeting at their child's school at 12 noon on a weekday!

This scenario was always on of my major complaints with schools. They have no concept of people actually working in real jobs, we don't all work 8.30 - 3 with 13 weeks holiday a year. We can't all drop work immediately we are summonsed for an appointment, we have child care, work cover, commutes to arrange. parent consultation days being a particular bugbear, expected to lose a days holiday for a 10 minute appointment at 12 noon

My DD is in reception and I’m on maternity leave until January. They have assembly every afternoon and the parents can attend the one that’s on a Tuesday. I’ve told DD that I’ll only be doing this for a few more weeks, as I’m back at work soon. But they always say in front of the children “the house drama competition is next week, parents we’d love you to be there”. At age 4, I’m pretty sure the children hear “mummy will be there”, i wish they wouldn’t ask in front of the kids, most people work at 2pm on a Thursday and can’t watch their child doing a bad version of an expressive poem for all of 2.5 minutes

cherry you do realise that no teachers get to watch their own children in school assemblies or performances.

Yes soap, what’s your point?

Utterly ridiculous. I need to give 6 weeks notice to take annual leave, and even then can only take it if there's enough of my colleagues still around.

I worked at a school that did this. I pointed out that we, the teachers, wouldn't be allowed to leave at 1pm to attend our own children's parents' meetings.

I can't believe this.
Don't parents get written information about Parents' 'Evenings'?

There are a lot of issues here not least of all what was actually said by the school. If they haven't communicated other than by child-messenger they should do.

There is also the working v non-working issue. In my experience parents who were at home preferred daytime, (about half the parents in my kids' classes at primary) as early evening was the worst possible time what with tea/dinner/bath/bed/ tired kids etc. - especially if there were younger children in the family. Those who went out to work preferred evening.

There are further problems with flexible working and shared parenting, attitude to teachers and what we really want from our schools and are happy to pay for. But that is a bigger question and outside the scope of the thread.

soap 13 weeks holiday, 8.30-3 days, 6 weeks blocks of life...if teaching is so amazing I wonder why more people don’t do it?!

Op I’d be very surprised if you had this short notice, call the school and check. I’m sure the teacher will be happy to see you at another time.

This sounds like very short notice. Being informed on Friday afternoon that parents evening is the following Monday afternoon? The next working day? (Next working day for school at any rate)
Are you sure your DS got the message correct?

That's surely going to be too short notice for many people to arrange time off work or reshuffle other responsibilities if they're not working Monday. My last employer was very flexible with holidays and taking time off for appointments, but even the most flexible of employers isn't likely to be impressed by an employee saying on Monday morning that they want a few hours off in the afternoon to go along to their DCs school.

My DCs school typically give 2 weeks notice of parents evening, you get a choice of 2 days (both after school) with slots to sign up to. Which is better than 3 days notice but still too short notice for DH to book time off work if parents evening falls on his working days.

1pm? She's having a laugh.
My last job you had to put in requests more than 5 weeks in advance, or the calendar would close to any day off requests. Full time 13 hr shifts I didn't stand a chance of going to any school stuff unless by pure chance I was on a day off, I managed 1 Christmas show in 3 years.

We got 48 hours notice of a Meet the Teachers event at 2.30 which seems to have been really useful to those who could make it.

Our current school drives me insane. I have to book work things 4-6 weeks ahead generally as there's a lot of travel involved so as much as I adore my children I have very little flexibility. Also I have to save as much leave as possible for school holidays. This primary does so many things that parents 'can come along to' that I can never make - it's the same parents every time with the rest of looking feeling and looking bad. Lots of home-school communications are via a white board outside the classroom that those of us picking up from after school club never see.

I've also been to secondary school parents' evenings that relied on the kids to book the appointments. Half the teachers we thought we'd be meeting (childcare booked for the event) weren't there as apparently they had no record of appointments. Other ran so far behind that they had to leave before seeing us because of their own childcare arrangements. I have no idea why the school thought that was a good idea. Also one secondary that had a mysterious 'review day' which admittedly was in the calendar at the start of term, but went unexplained until the week before when we were told it was a whole day off school (in year 7) with a meeting with the teacher with child and parent(s) in the middle of the day to discuss their learning ambitions.

Sorry my reply was for cherry, tired teacher

Ds1 is 15 doing his GCSEs and the only “parents evening” that takes place in the evening is not until next January. I don’t want to leave it that long as this is a really important year.
Have checked on school website and it’s correct-meetings start at 1pm.
Had nothing but rubbish since new head started in September. She started after school classes for year 11s which I totally agreed with but then randomly cancelled them. I had so many days where I’d go to pick up DS and find him standing in the rain for an hour as the clas was cancelled. Or I’d get a sniffy call from the school office asking why I hadn’t picked my DS up from SchoolBen. Or I’d find myself sitting in the car waiting at 2.45 only to find he wouldn’t be out until 3.45.
I told him to text me at lunch on the day as we never knew exactly what time he’d be out. But new head has outlawed phones at all times, not even allowed at lunchtimes so he had his phone confiscated and the parents now have to go into the school to get the phones back.
When I pointed out that he was texting me what time he’d need picking up it was brushed off.
I can’t get at 1pm and I’m fed up with having to drive back and forth because the class is on/ off/ on again.

I can't imagine a school in the country that would send a message about parents eve with the children the working day before it was due to take place. I would check this before getting to worked up about it.

I agree with you sunshine (I’m currently sticking up for teachers on another thread where parents are being precious about having them sit on a floor ) I just don’t understand the point soap was trying to make. I said I wished they didn’t put the expectation on children that we’d be able to be at every mid-day drama competition, concert etc, and she said teachers couldn’t attend when it’s their children. At the risk of being crude....and? That’s my point. Most people can’t attend. I don’t say anything to the teachers, it’s just a little grumble to myself