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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this Headmistress is living in another era

242 replies

inabizzlefam · 13/10/2017 22:55

Picked DS 1 up from school today and he informed me that I had to be at his school on Monday at 1pm for “parents evening “.
Sorry but since when did evening start at 1pm.
I told DS I couldn’t get then as I would be working but he could ask his dad to attend as he is self employed so could juggle stuff around to fit it in.
DS says “headmistress says I had to ask you(mum) because she says all the dads won’t be able to go as they’ll be at work”.
Not sure what I’m more 😮 at: the fact that she assumes all mums spend their day watching daytime tv with a hobnob so can drop everything to attend parents evenings in the middle of the day, or that the dads are all far too busy to put themselves out to possibly be the slightest bit interested in their childs education.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 14/10/2017 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brasty · 14/10/2017 14:43

Skype calls or phone calls at the time of the parents evening, is what I was suggesting. Many places would let you do this and work an extra 15 mins at the end of the day instead. Even if you see patients, you may be able to block out 1 appointment for the call.

Pengggwn · 14/10/2017 15:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brasty · 14/10/2017 15:42

Yes I understand that. I just wish schools would give decent notice. And decent notice is over a month away.

C8H10N4O2 · 14/10/2017 15:43

But that isn't actually 'Parents' Evening'. That is in January. This is optional additional time being offered by the school. It's an invitation, not a summons.

Yes I don't think I said otherwise did I? I was commenting on the likelihood of someone being able to book time at that notice if they wanted to attend, in response to posters poo-pooing the difficulty of organising time off.

Of course we don't know if the letter sat in a bag for a fortnight!

sayyouwill · 14/10/2017 15:45

Please go back to and say you can't go as that's when come dine with me is on

Original poster
inabizzlefam · 14/10/2017 15:58

Come dine with me Grin

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 14/10/2017 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeyondThePage · 14/10/2017 17:16

Caffeine!! it is Caffeine! that's where I've seen it before - great username (sorry...as you were....)

user1491678180 · 14/10/2017 17:25

@JonSnowsWife

Lucky you. Most people I know have to (try to) book Christmas on January the 1st! Eleven and a half months notice they need, AND half of them won't get it.

Thanks user1491678180 I'm well aware of that as used to work in the NHS and did similar, which is why I said one of my jobs. Confused the June reference is for a legal job I worked in.

Eh? But you said 'people in a job I used to work in had to book their Christmas hols in JUNE,' as if that was really early on!

This is what you said further back...

We had a weeks notice about this years parents evening. One of the jobs I used to work in, say if you wanted Christmas off you'd have to book it off in June to stand a chance.

That's why I said 'lucky you being able to wait til June to book the Christmas off, as many people have to do it in January, and then there is no guarantee they will get it!.'

Whatever job you were in when this was said to you is irrelevant, if you were able to book Christmas off as late as June, you were very fortunate!

GlitterGlue · 14/10/2017 17:43

In theory I can take time off at short notice, but only if my diary isn't full. It's pretty much always full. Generally annual leave has to be booked the year before.

One of my continual bug bears is that school do everything at the last flipping minute. And then have the audacity to moan that they don't get enough support with events. No shit, Sherlock.

JonSnowsWife · 14/10/2017 17:59

Yes I'm quite aware of what I said user.

manicinsomniac · 14/10/2017 21:07

I agree that that is too short notice.

But, the notice period aside, it is difficult to please all parents. For some, 1pm would be ideal and they might find the traditional evening appointments very difficult.

The school I work at publishes a term diary at the start of every term and has a newsletter every week. As much as possible goes in at the start of term but we have to submit everything to the secretary by half way through the previous term for it to get back from the printers in time so there are sometimes omissions and changes. We tried to do for an online, editable diary (which we use internally) instead but the parents didn't want it for some reason and voted overwhelmingly for the hard copy.

I think parents need to appreciate that a) every event is an invitation and not compulsory and b) we have to try and balance the differing needs of different families.

Our parents evenings run from 6pm to 9pm on a choice of 2 different nights with parents welcome to turn up at any time during that window and a crèche provided. But there are still many who would prefer daytime, I'm sure.

Our assemblies, informal concerts and house drama/music/dance/sport events tend to be day time because they are just part of the school day. We don't want children doing them after school and we don't need (or necessarily even want, depending on how low the standard has turned out to be Grin ) parents there but some get upset not be given the option to attend everything that happens.

Larger productions, concerts, sports days, formal events etc all tend to be evening or weekend affairs because the school actively want as many parents as possible to come. But it's still not assumed that all can.

manicinsomniac · 14/10/2017 21:29

Oh, and we definitely have a headmaster. Before that we had a married couple who were joint headmaster and headmistress. The terms are still used.

Yorkshirebetty · 15/10/2017 11:11

Is that in a private school, manic? Just curious because I haven't heard it used in the state sector for over 30 years. Interested, not criticising your views.

MuseumOfCurry · 15/10/2017 11:21

Oh, and we definitely have a headmaster. Before that we had a married couple who were joint headmaster and headmistress. The terms are still used.

At my children's school as well. Current head: headmaster, previous head: headmistress.

ineverbakecakes · 15/10/2017 11:23

I am self employed and work from home so a 1pm parents evening would probably suit me quite well as after school I have the dcs at home so either have to take them with me or pay for a baby sitter. There are plenty of people in the same situation.

It is hard for schools to please everyone. They do their best.

longestlurkerever · 15/10/2017 11:25

little afford what dross. Our parents evening is 10 minutes and then a bell rings for time up. That could easily be done by Skype and if there's anything more to discuss you could arrange a meeting at a mutually convenient time. It's not a competition to prove your parenting worth through how much inconvenience you will put up with.

RhiannonOHara · 15/10/2017 17:24

I'd make absolutely sure that the headteacher said 'all the dads won’t be able to go as they’ll be at work'.

And then I'd rip her a new one write to ask her politely why she is making assumptions along gender lines.

Maireadplastic · 15/10/2017 17:31

If I can't make Parents Eve for my primary children, I just find the teacher and ask if we can find another time. It hasn't been a problem yet. Obviously can't do that for my secondary boy. Primary school gives us about a month's notice, secondary gives out all dates in Sept.

manicinsomniac · 15/10/2017 17:45

YorkshireBetty - yes, it's a private school. I don't know if it's terminology that is now only used in private or not, tbh; I hadn't really thought about it until I read this thread. I left my comprehensive school 15 years ago (we had headmasters there, I think) and I've only ever taught in this one private school so I have nothing to compare to.

BruceFoxton · 15/10/2017 17:50

Please remind her of her responsibilities under the Equalities Act 2010 and ask her if she feels that she needs the governing body explaining them to her more clearly.

Sara107 · 15/10/2017 18:04

I find this sort of attitude a bit bizarre, as the teachers are mainly working mums so must face this all the time in their role as parents! Our school is getting better though, and they offer two days of parent evenings, one is 3.30 to 5.30, and the other day is 6 til 8pm. You fill in a slip to say what times you definitely can't make and they come up with a schedule of appointments. Would probably become a nightmare to administer a system like that in a big school though!

roundaboutthetown · 15/10/2017 18:06

Either the HT is heading for a nervous breakdown, or she knows the demographic of the school very well and the OP is the odd one out. Grin

Mmest75 · 15/10/2017 18:12

Clutter butter -
Here here! If only .....