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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this Headmistress is living in another era

242 replies

inabizzlefam · 13/10/2017 22:55

Picked DS 1 up from school today and he informed me that I had to be at his school on Monday at 1pm for “parents evening “.
Sorry but since when did evening start at 1pm.
I told DS I couldn’t get then as I would be working but he could ask his dad to attend as he is self employed so could juggle stuff around to fit it in.
DS says “headmistress says I had to ask you(mum) because she says all the dads won’t be able to go as they’ll be at work”.
Not sure what I’m more 😮 at: the fact that she assumes all mums spend their day watching daytime tv with a hobnob so can drop everything to attend parents evenings in the middle of the day, or that the dads are all far too busy to put themselves out to possibly be the slightest bit interested in their childs education.

OP posts:
Pengggwn · 14/10/2017 11:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AndrewJames · 14/10/2017 11:36

So a parent can't be bothered or doesn't prioritise their child's education enough to actually meet their teachers? Take annual leave if you work

I guess that must be a joke, because no one is stupid to believe we can all take a day off with zero notice or this means we aren't bothered about out childs education?

StealthPolarBear · 14/10/2017 11:42

User you are being incredibly insulting to teachers

DadOnIce · 14/10/2017 11:45

Nobody can "take annual leave" at two or three days' notice. If you work in an office, school or factory where someone's absence means their work has to be covered by someone else - or even if you don't - then it has to be booked weeks in advance. And besides, parents' evenings are not what annual leave is for.

The point the posters saying "teachers couldn't do it" made is a good one which some people have misunderstood. A headteacher would surely understand that a lot of people have jobs where they simply can't drop everything and leave.

People talk about "teachers" and "parents" on here as if they are two separate species - often, they are the same person! In this school, what would happen if Mrs Smith, the full-time Y6 teacher, came to the head on Friday and said, "Can I have Monday afternoon off? It's my son's parents' evening in the afternoon. They do it the same way we do, so I thought you'd understand."

user1491678180 · 14/10/2017 11:47

I guess that must be a joke, because no one is stupid to believe we can all take a day off with zero notice or this means we aren't bothered about out childs education?

This ^. It's either a troll post, or it has been put by someone who doesn't have a job. The vast majority of people would not be able to just swan off at a moment's notice. As someone said further back, whether they were minimum pay unskilled zero hours workers, or at the opposite end of the scale, in a professional highly skilled demanding job; most people would not be able to just take time off willy nilly.

And the suggestion that people who don't do it/can't do it, don't care about their children is too laughable for words.

I suppose women who go out to work when they have kids are bad mothers eh? Should be at home for their kids, should have waited til they could afford to stay home before having them, shocking behaviour; lumping them on childminders and nurseries yada yada yada. Just fuck off. Hmm

AccrualIntentions · 14/10/2017 11:47

DH reckons personally, that it's just them trying to justify their job and their salary, by looking like they care for the kids; when really, it's just a waste of everyone's time.

Does DH usually talk a lot of shit? How unfortunate.

Kokeshi123 · 14/10/2017 11:48

I feel that it might be better to have a two-tiered approach to parents' evenings.

Skype interview for those whose kids are basically doing fine.

Face to face for the minority where there are some significant issues that need sorting out.

LonginesPrime · 14/10/2017 11:50

The school sounds like a bit of a shambles, tbh.

I would be in incredibly shocked if the head made that hugely sexist remark (especially given the irony that she said it in her capacity as a working woman!), but it definitely sounds like something from the mind of a child. I suspect your son got the wrong end of the stick or picked that idea up from discussions with his peers.

StealthPolarBear · 14/10/2017 11:50

Yes please justify your job and salary. Educating children doesn't cut it.

user1487194234 · 14/10/2017 11:52

YANBU
IME primary schools are run on the basis that the Mother (and it is the mother) has nothing else to do but sit at home waiting to be called to meetings,assembly to bake a cake or produce a costume
Mu DH and I work together from home
If he answers the phone they ask for me Why ?
And what a terrible example to the children

AccrualIntentions · 14/10/2017 11:54

Nobody can "take annual leave" at two or three days' notice.

Nobody? Really? Shit! Better tell my line manager. Of course there are jobs where leave at short notice isn't possible. There are others who've taken decisions to work for employers who provide flexibility to deal with family situations that might arise.

Although I do agree generally

And the afternoon parents evenings must be a primary school thing. DH doesn't get home until 8pm when there's one at school. And that's one each for 6 year groups. He misses those evenings at home with his family to listen to a load of whingey parents going on about how their naughty little shit isn't getting high enough grades - but that's part and parcel of the job he took so he has to suck it up, like everyone else.

brasty · 14/10/2017 11:54

Our annual leave policy is that you have to give a minimum of a months notice, same for DP.

BowlingShoes · 14/10/2017 11:56

I made the comment earlier about teachers not being able to get to the child's parents evening if it was at 1pm. My point was that I was explaining to the headteacher (also a parent!) that there would be many parents who wouldn't be able to take time off at that time as their employers (like her) wouldn't allow it.

StealthPolarBear · 14/10/2017 11:58

I can and do work flexibly and can also request annual leave at very short notice.
I consider this a huge perk of the job and get that there are many jobs (most in fact) where this is absolutely not the case. My dh can ask for last minute leave but eyebrows would be raised. He cannot work flexibly like I do. I have friends who are teachers, obviously they can't. My cousin is a surgeon, I imagine her job is flexible to an extent but once she's committed to surgery she cannot then change things.

StealthPolarBear · 14/10/2017 11:59

Do we know that this head teacher is a mother?

SandyDenny · 14/10/2017 11:59

There is always a core of people who think that the answer to every problem is to take the day off work, ask to work at home or change your hours for the day in question

I always think these people either live in a different universe or have never actually had a job. Or maybe they could tell the rest of us exactly what job they do and who they work for where this would be fine.

Also people who state categorically that ALL schools do such and such or NO schools do such and such.

Have some concept that things that you experience don't necessarily apply to everyone else.

user1491678180 · 14/10/2017 12:05

There is always a core of people who think that the answer to every problem is to take the day off work, ask to work at home or change your hours for the day in question

I always think these people either live in a different universe or have never actually had a job. Or maybe they could tell the rest of us exactly what job they do and who they work for where this would be fine.

Exactly @SandyDenny

It's OK for the teachers (and the head,) who all have a quarter of the year off!

Not everyone has that luxury. Hmm Some people don't realise how fortunate and privileged they are. Some of the stuff I am reading on this thread is making THAT clear.

AccrualIntentions · 14/10/2017 12:07

@SandyDenny

Since you asked so nicely. I work for a local authority in a professional role, with an excellent flexi policy and can do the things mentioned. I get paid a hell of a lot less than if I did the equivalent professional job for a big firm, but that's part of the trade off and it's what I chose because I knew I wanted to have a family, and that my DH wouldn't be able to do any of those things because he's a teacher.

Of course not everyone works somewhere that this is possible, but it's a complete nonsense to suggest people who've taken deliberate steps in their career to give them extra flexibility "live in a different universe" or "have never had a job".

Fifthtimelucky · 14/10/2017 12:07

My children’s primary school started doing this years ago (can’t remember how many but as my youngest is now in the upper 6th it was obviously quite a while ). Many of us complained.

It was done so teachers didn’t have to stay in the evenings. The argument was that if you wanted to consult a professional like a doctor or dentist you would take time off work to do so and that the same should apply to teachers.

I could see they had a point, but it was very inconvenient if it fell on a working day ( I worked 3 days a week at the time, so sometimes it fell on a non-working day). Fortunately If it as on a original my day I was always able to rearrange things so that I could work at home those days, then took an hour or so out and made it up later. I know others didn’t have that option though.

AccrualIntentions · 14/10/2017 12:09

@user1491678180

Didn't you fancy being a teacher than? Since they don't do a real job and have a quarter of the year off?

Fifthtimelucky · 14/10/2017 12:09

Sorry, meant to say if it was on a working day. Missed the Auto correct.

LonginesPrime · 14/10/2017 12:15

Do we know that this head teacher is a mother?

No, but even if she's not and has made the assumption that one parent is likely to be a SAHP, it's still sexist to assume it would be the woman.

It's also not great to assume all children are being raised by two-parent heterosexual couples, but I appreciate there are lots of areas where this is the norm.

StealthPolarBear · 14/10/2017 12:17

Oh definitely! Just a few people have mentioned "as a mother herself..." etc

Pengggwn · 14/10/2017 12:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

C8H10N4O2 · 14/10/2017 12:24

but that's part of the trade off and it's what I chose

But that choice itself is a significant privilege. Being able to assume a day's leave with zero notice is the extreme end of flexi working and by no means available to everyone (even if they earn enough to afford a pay cut for flex).

It's OK for the teachers (and the head,) who all have a quarter of the year off!

Fantastic, do you actually believe this bullshit?