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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this Headmistress is living in another era

242 replies

inabizzlefam · 13/10/2017 22:55

Picked DS 1 up from school today and he informed me that I had to be at his school on Monday at 1pm for “parents evening “.
Sorry but since when did evening start at 1pm.
I told DS I couldn’t get then as I would be working but he could ask his dad to attend as he is self employed so could juggle stuff around to fit it in.
DS says “headmistress says I had to ask you(mum) because she says all the dads won’t be able to go as they’ll be at work”.
Not sure what I’m more 😮 at: the fact that she assumes all mums spend their day watching daytime tv with a hobnob so can drop everything to attend parents evenings in the middle of the day, or that the dads are all far too busy to put themselves out to possibly be the slightest bit interested in their childs education.

OP posts:
AccrualIntentions · 14/10/2017 12:26

Being able to assume a day's leave with zero notice is the extreme end of flexi working and by no means available to everyone (even if they earn enough to afford a pay cut for flex).

Who said anything about zero notice? I said short notice, which I take to be a few days. The OP wasn't given zero notice of the parents evening either.

Pengggwn · 14/10/2017 12:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brasty · 14/10/2017 12:37

My DP works in the NHS with people. A months notice is required so that patients can be still be seen. A DR's appointment is different. Like most workplaces you have to try and see a Dr out of work hours,or at least at a time that is more convenient to work. The exception is emergency appointments. And yes, it is fairly easy to get an appointment at my GP.

Anyone in a customer facing role, has to give decent notice. My friend is a lawyer and can't just suddenly book an annual leave day off when she has to in court. Another friend is a plumber, and jobs are booked in in advance. Lots of people don't work in offices where they can just work extra hours that evening to catch up, if they take time of at short notice. And that includes in Local Authorities and the NHS.

C8H10N4O2 · 14/10/2017 12:38

The OP wasn't given zero notice of the parents evening either.

She was given notice at end of school Friday (after her work) for a parent appt at 1pm Monday. So zero working days until the appt.

Even the flex to take a day off with less than a week's notice is very rare. Its not realistic to assume people in general have this kind of choice in employment.

C8H10N4O2 · 14/10/2017 12:41

Have some concept that things that you experience don't necessarily apply to everyone else

^This could be a useful banner at the top of every thread Grin

Sirrah · 14/10/2017 12:50

@fencesitter do you really believe that teachers only work 8.30 - 3.30? Hmm

Pengggwn · 14/10/2017 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AndrewJames · 14/10/2017 12:51

The OP wasn't given zero notice of the parents evening either

If she found out after work on Friday and isn't due in until Monday, she can't ask for Monday off until Monday morning....which is zero notice to work. Impossible for most people.
does someone need to go back to school?

brasty · 14/10/2017 12:54

Yes that isn't believable.
But a teacher has posted on here saying they give 2 weeks notice, and she thinks that is good. It isn't.

AccrualIntentions · 14/10/2017 12:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sirrah · 14/10/2017 12:58

This is easy to sort out! Say you won't be able to attend, but would be happy to make an appointment at a mutually convenient time if there is anything they urgently need to discuss with you.

AndrewJames · 14/10/2017 12:58

Yeah, that was rude of me. I'm mighty irritable this morning. Wink

AccrualIntentions · 14/10/2017 13:00

Its not realistic to assume people in general have this kind of choice in employment.

And I don't assume it. Why is why I chose my specific employment precisely for those benefits. I was responding to the suggestions made by various posters that no such jobs exist or that people who thought they did have never worked a day in their lives, or don't have real jobs, or that nobody can do it.

StealthPolarBear · 14/10/2017 13:11

I don't understand the point about parents evening being in January. Is this one of those universal truths that passed me by

brasty · 14/10/2017 13:13

Yes jobs with super flexibility do exist, I used to have one. But they are not common.

user1491678180 · 14/10/2017 13:13

@jonsnowswife

We had a weeks notice about this years parents evening. One of the jobs I used to work in, say if you wanted Christmas off you'd have to book it off in June to stand a chance.

Lucky you. Most people I know have to (try to) book Christmas on January the 1st! Eleven and a half months notice they need, AND half of them won't get it.

@AccrualIntentions

And I don't assume it. Why is why I chose my specific employment precisely for those benefits. I was responding to the suggestions made by various posters that no such jobs exist or that people who thought they did have never worked a day in their lives, or don't have real jobs, or that nobody can do it.

BULLY FOR YOU Hmm

How fortunate you were able to carefully select gainful employment that enables you to piss off to your child's parents evening/ afternoon/ 5 minute appointment, with very little notice. Not EVERYone is so lucky.

And you have the nerve to call @AndrewJames patronising?! Hmm You win the gold medal for that!!!

@FenceSitter01

This scenario was always on of my major complaints with schools. They have no concept of people actually working in real jobs, we don't all work 8.30 - 3 with 13 weeks holiday a year. We can't all drop work immediately we are summonsed for an appointment, we have child care, work cover, commutes to arrange. parent consultation days being a particular bugbear, expected to lose a days holiday for a 10 minute appointment at 12 noon.

Stupid comments about taking random bits of leave to care about a childs education - you wouldn't be saying that to a surgeon who cancelled your operation, "cancel my operation with 1/2 an hours notice, doctor, what's that? Little Johnny's school has a random cake event and you have to turn up otherwise school sys you are a bad parent, of course I understand!! not going to happen is it. Many career teachers have never worked in the outside world, they have been in an educational environment since they were 4 years old, they have no concept of real life dynamics and juggling acts. We don't all live our life in neat 6 week parcels.

One of the best posts on here. Even though some people don't appear to like it, and what you have said in it; you are bang on with most of what you say.!

As you said, some people on here are absolutely NOT living in the real world, and they have very privileged lives! Fine, I don't care, but don't assume everyone else has!!!

@AndrewJames

If she found out after work on Friday and isn't due in until Monday, she can't ask for Monday off until Monday morning....which is zero notice to work. Impossible for most people.

Does someone need to go back to school?

Excellent point. I have no idea why you felt the need to apologise to someone who called you a 'patronising cunt.' Hmm SHE is the one who should apologising to you.

Ttbb · 14/10/2017 13:14

Obote her put for a coffe at 1 pm on Tuesday as, brings woman, she will obviously be free then

Pengggwn · 14/10/2017 13:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iwanttobe8stoneagain · 14/10/2017 13:20

Unfortunately this seems to be prevalent at my DS school too. A couple of days notice for loads of stuff going on at school. Head mistress seems to think there's a long queue of relatives that can appear at school in less than 20 min if requested. Our DS has a choice of 2 parents evenings timings given one week in advance. 1st day runs to 7 - down I. London in meetings, going to have to race back -prob won't make it. No chance of taking AL. 2nd day 3-5. (Day before teachers training day followed by half term) so prob working late to finish things off. DH will prob go on own. Would love the ability to conference in. Most of our international meetings at work are done over Skype work absolutely fine

StealthPolarBear · 14/10/2017 13:23

Ah thank you peng

JonSnowsWife · 14/10/2017 13:36

Lucky you. Most people I know have to (try to) book Christmas on January the 1st! Eleven and a half months notice they need, AND half of them won't get it.

Thanks user1491678180 I'm well aware of that as used to work in the NHS and did similar, which is why I said one of my jobs. Confused the June reference is for a legal job I worked in.

Headofthehive55 · 14/10/2017 13:40

It's lovely if you can get time off at short notice.
I can't.
I also dislike the "golden assembly" when our school text us a couple if days before asking for a parent to be present as they choose a child from each year that has been extra good that week.
Not all parents can make it and it underscores that they are missing.

Headofthehive55 · 14/10/2017 13:42

Skype is the way to go. Would help people who work away from home.

brasty · 14/10/2017 13:44

Yes other places use skype, not sure why schools cant?

Starlight2345 · 14/10/2017 14:10

I am a childminder so if it was during my working hours would require my parents to find cover. My DS is at primary though but teachers tend to do 2 evenings starting after school one late one not the couple who can't make it are seen before or after school.

My Ds has SEN 's and so due to appointments I do have to leave some clear time during the week,

Nothing is as smplistic as some posters say..Book Annual leave well thats fine if you don't have a child who needs care during the holidays., so A/L is needed for childcare. If I was on zero hours and knew my child was doing well struggling to put food on the table would I loose the income ..No.

There isn't always 2 parents , not everyone has the option of childcare.

I don''t think schools can please everyone but there are other avenues of getting information if you can't make it.

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