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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this Headmistress is living in another era

242 replies

inabizzlefam · 13/10/2017 22:55

Picked DS 1 up from school today and he informed me that I had to be at his school on Monday at 1pm for “parents evening “.
Sorry but since when did evening start at 1pm.
I told DS I couldn’t get then as I would be working but he could ask his dad to attend as he is self employed so could juggle stuff around to fit it in.
DS says “headmistress says I had to ask you(mum) because she says all the dads won’t be able to go as they’ll be at work”.
Not sure what I’m more 😮 at: the fact that she assumes all mums spend their day watching daytime tv with a hobnob so can drop everything to attend parents evenings in the middle of the day, or that the dads are all far too busy to put themselves out to possibly be the slightest bit interested in their childs education.

OP posts:
WhatInTheWorldIsGoingOn · 14/10/2017 10:33

It's headteacher not headmistress. There is no way a child would use headmistress because it's not a word that is said.

The headteacher wouldn't say that anyway as a full time working woman.

Parents evening is probably from 1pm on account that all 30 parents turning up at 1pm probably wouldn't be wise anyway on account of there only being one teacher.

WhatInTheWorldIsGoingOn · 14/10/2017 10:34

Sorry. Missed pages 2 and 3.

Yorkshirebetty · 14/10/2017 10:34

I don't know for certainty, kazzy and I never claimed that. I am a deputy head and have been in teaching for more than 30 years and that is my experience, paper calendars and now website ones. If the school doesn't do this or changes at short notice, you do have grounds for complaint because that is not best practice. Best wishes.

Beerwench · 14/10/2017 10:37

*Skype parents evening?

So a parent can't be bothered or doesn't prioritise their child's education enough to actually meet their teachers?

Take annual leave if you work. Pay for childcare if you have other children. I'm sorry but it's those sort of things you need to prioritise when you choose to have children.*

Littlecaf -

I think you're making a bit of an assumption there and being unfair. This happened to me recently, and I couldn't attend. As a term of my employment I need to give 4 weeks notice of annual leave, and then if someone has got there before me it will be declined. It is certainly not me not being bothered, it was unworkable. The times they have given on the day they had given were unfortunately the time of my shift on that day. I was given 2 weeks notice. I contacted the school, they did the consultation by phone earlier in the day. Had I been given enough notice I would have booked annual leave if possible, had I been able to swap the shift I would.
I could of course have phoned in sick or not bothered to turn up at work, but then that's hardly setting a great example is it.

C8H10N4O2 · 14/10/2017 10:45

They have no concept of people actually working in real jobs

Do tell me, what is a real job?

we don't all work 8.30 - 3 with 13 weeks holiday a year

Teachers certainly don't, which job are you describing?

We can't all drop work immediately we are summonsed for an appointment, we have child care, work cover, commutes to arrange

Yep so do teachers which is why most teachers never see any of their child's events at school and can't make day time parent evenings.

teachers have never worked in the outside world, they have been in an educational environment since they were 4 years old, they have no concept of real life dynamics and juggling acts. We don't all live our life in neat 6 week parcels

What utter bullshit. Do you think teachers are some kind of alternative species who don't have families, childcare and commutes to juggle?

MuseumOfCurry · 14/10/2017 10:47

I would assume that she's probably juggling a lot of parents and hopes to fill the earlier slots with those who can make it.

As for the 'fathers are working' comment - that strikes me as a fabrication.

Original poster
inabizzlefam · 14/10/2017 10:47

Headmistress, headteacher, headmaster. Not really the point of my post. But in my defence when I left school 35 years ago that is what we called them.

OP posts:
user1491678180 · 14/10/2017 10:49

@LittleCaf

Skype parents evening?

So a parent can't be bothered or doesn't prioritise their child's education enough to actually meet their teachers?

Take annual leave if you work. Pay for childcare if you have other children. I'm sorry but it's those sort of things you need to prioritise when you choose to have children.

You obviously don't work for a living. Hmm

Agree with the OP, it's downright insulting to assume mums have all the time in the world, and dads wouldn't be arsed/wouldn't have the time to attend parents evening/afternoon.

Starting at 1.30pm is fine (for people who can make it then,) as long as there are plenty of appointments for parents to attend after 6pm, who actually work in the day!

And giving notice of ONE working day is a pisstake.

Certainly correct in OP's situation - but the thread seems to be full of examples of schools expecting people to do things at short notice - just not possible with a lot of people's working arrangements.

This ^

As has been said, sometimes the schools DO just assume that parents have fuckall else to do but bow to their demands. Had it a lot of it when raising mine. Very glad I don't have to tolerate it now.

C8H10N4O2 · 14/10/2017 10:52

So a parent can't be bothered or doesn't prioritise their child's education enough to actually meet their teachers? Take annual leave if you work. Pay for childcare if you have other children. I'm sorry but it's those sort of things you need to prioritise when you choose to have children.

If you can drop out of your work for a day with minimal notice or lose a day's pay without problem you are remarkably privileged.

For many on zero hours minimum wage contracts, losing a shift vs meeting your child's teacher is a serious issue for the family budget (and one which crops up here from time to time).

At the other end people have work commitments planned weeks and months in advance which can't be changed for one person to take an elective day off.

And then of course teachers are in one of the jobs which are utterly inflexible when it comes to taking leave and so miss all daytime events including daytime parents evenings.

sparklyelephant · 14/10/2017 10:53

I work in a term in a Term time only pre school, 9-45 - 3.15, 5 days a week, then I work as a Nanny for 3 young children from our local School till 6pm.
I don’t get annual leave as I work term time, and taking the children I look after, to my sons school for his parents evening, would be inappropriate imo.
I think Skype is a good idea personally.

user1499419331 · 14/10/2017 10:54

Dear Mrs. xxx

I would like to make an appointment to come in and talk to you about a serious concern regarding my child's education.

My son has informed me that he was told 1pm was "evening" and I would like to ascertain what else your instutition has wrong.

FenceSitter01 · 14/10/2017 10:56

Oh I forgot to mention - I did 10 years in the profession. I left 4 years ago. I'm well aware exactly how institutionalised some teachers are. Absolutely no concept of people and work environments out side of a structured school environment. No concept of people without paid leave. No concept of commuting. Work automatically covered by supply/cover supervisors, blah blah.

Pengggwn · 14/10/2017 10:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AccrualIntentions · 14/10/2017 10:58

Headmistress, headteacher, headmaster. Not really the point of my post. But in my defence when I left school 35 years ago that is what we called them.

No, it's not the point of your post. But it seemed relevant when you're calling her out for allegedly expressing an attitude that was probably prevalent when she left school 35 years ago...if that's not a defence for her then it isn't one for you either.

C8H10N4O2 · 14/10/2017 10:59

We used to get the dates of parents evenings, major events/shows with the term dates at the beginning of the year for each school mine went to.

Occasionally ad hoc events would arise, sometimes in response to parental request. Obviously there was less notice of these and communication was via the children so less reliable - but the alternative would be not to have them.

I'm not clear whether this was the main parents evening or an ad hoc extra (maybe put on because of concerns about the lateness of the official session?).

AccrualIntentions · 14/10/2017 11:01

I'm intrigued by this notion of "real jobs" and teaching not being one. I'm married to a teacher. He cannot take annual leave, he cannot leave early or start late. Teachers have zero flexibility to attend appointments, Christmas plays, parents evenings.

I'm not a teacher. I have a "real" job. I'm the one who manages all the things mentioned because the fact that I'm not a teacher means I do have the flexibility to take annual leave, start late or finish early, which he doesn't.

C8H10N4O2 · 14/10/2017 11:02

I'm well aware exactly how institutionalised some teachers are.

You must have worked in a very strange bubble where people could get to work without commuting and had no children to attend school events for.

People in the public sector are routinely criticised for 'not knowing how the real world works'. Its invariably short hand for 'I don't have a decent argument so I'll just invent something'.

One might just as legitimately say people in the private sector have no clue of the problems faced by the public sector. Its a pointless comment as its true of everyone to a greater or lesser extent.

NataliaOsipova · 14/10/2017 11:09

There is no way a child would use headmistress because it's not a word that is said.

It's definitely "headmistress" all the way at my DDs' school!

Original poster
inabizzlefam · 14/10/2017 11:13

DD and DS2 also have parents evening next week between 3.30 and 6pm. Which means that both myself and their dad can attend.
I’m only guessing but this seems the best solution for the majority of parents

OP posts:
BeyondThePage · 14/10/2017 11:14

Take annual leave if you work

HAHAHA...

"hi boss, can I take the afternoon off, school are having parents evening?"

or even

"Hi boss, can I take the afternoon off in 2 weeks time, I know I'm the only one here that week, so there is no cover, but I really, REALLY need to wait in a corridor for 25 minutes to be given 5 minutes to be told all is good, no worries."

I'd be laughed to the dole queue.

disappearingninepatch · 14/10/2017 11:18

At secondary schools, don't the pupils make appointments with the teachers? Mine always have. They have a list of times and go to each teacher to agree a mutually suitable time.

Original poster
inabizzlefam · 14/10/2017 11:21

The pupils did make their own appointments with the teachers in previous years and we always agreed on them beforehand with DS. But that was before the new Headteacher started in September

OP posts:
musicform · 14/10/2017 11:27

Ive never heard of parents evening in the afternoon - we always had 6pm onwards (and my dad used to drag me round the lot within 30 minutes)

musicform · 14/10/2017 11:28

I would say I couldnt go either - they could phone me

user1491678180 · 14/10/2017 11:29

@littlecaf

take annual leave (for parents evening) if you work

@BeyondThePage

HAHAHA...

"hi boss, can I take the afternoon off, school are having parents evening?"

or even

"Hi boss, can I take the afternoon off in 2 weeks time, I know I'm the only one here that week, so there is no cover, but I really, REALLY need to wait in a corridor for 25 minutes to be given 5 minutes to be told all is good, no worries."

I'd be laughed to the dole queue.

This ^ Most bosses would not allow anyone to just piss off at short notice willy nilly. And like some posters have said, people are very privileged if they have a job that allows them to do this. (Though I suspect the ones saying it do not work.)

And yep! That is basically all 'parents evening' is. Like you say, half an hour waiting in a corridor, to spend 5 minutes with a teacher who doesn't know your name, and can't remember much about your child (until they look at their notes,) just to be told everything is ok.

Literally never saw the point of it. It used up 2 hours of mine and my husband's time each time, (with travelling time,) and fuck all was achieved by it. If there is a problem with our child(ren) or their school work, surely they could just contact us! And vice versa; we contact them if WE have concerns.

DH reckons personally, that it's just them trying to justify their job and their salary, by looking like they care for the kids; when really, it's just a waste of everyone's time.