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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this Headmistress is living in another era

242 replies

inabizzlefam · 13/10/2017 22:55

Picked DS 1 up from school today and he informed me that I had to be at his school on Monday at 1pm for “parents evening “.
Sorry but since when did evening start at 1pm.
I told DS I couldn’t get then as I would be working but he could ask his dad to attend as he is self employed so could juggle stuff around to fit it in.
DS says “headmistress says I had to ask you(mum) because she says all the dads won’t be able to go as they’ll be at work”.
Not sure what I’m more 😮 at: the fact that she assumes all mums spend their day watching daytime tv with a hobnob so can drop everything to attend parents evenings in the middle of the day, or that the dads are all far too busy to put themselves out to possibly be the slightest bit interested in their childs education.

OP posts:
MissEliza · 14/10/2017 09:56

??? Why would this information be communicated through the pupils? Doesn't your school have email or even a newsletter?

Mittens1969 · 14/10/2017 09:57

Very poor, a parents’ ‘evening’ being arranged at such short notice. My DH certainly wouldn’t be able to get there, as he very often has meetings to attend at work. Thankfully I’m a SAHM so it’s not a problem for us.

As others have said, I’d also question whether the Head said that, as she herself is a working woman. But I also find it hard to believe that the appointments would start at 1pm, as there will be classes going on at that time. Our DDs’ school have days when parents can drop in to visit though and sit in class with their DCs. Could your DS have miscommunicated what was happening?

Yorkshirebetty · 14/10/2017 09:58

Noramum, I'm surprised announce inset days with 1-2 weeks notice. It is always on the school calendar with notification at the start of every academic year. Just check you are getting the academic year term dates. They will be on the school website homepage.

MiraiDevant · 14/10/2017 09:59

Also no school is going to be able to please all of the parents.

Those who need daytime, those who want evening, booked v not booked, every term v every year. Parents who want to talk about little johnny for forty minutes and delay everybody else, parents who don't share parenting so need two separate appointments per child, parents who cancel last minute (for good reason) and need to reschedule. It must be a nightmare.

JonSnowsWife · 14/10/2017 10:00

Eh? If only all teachers clocked off and went home at 3pm! Confused

Mittens1969 · 14/10/2017 10:01

Sorry, missed your update. That does seem particularly rubbish! Hmm

divadee · 14/10/2017 10:03

littlecaf I work term time only so can't take annual leave but that doesn't mean I don't care about my child's education. Parents evenings should be after work hours so both parents can attend if they wish to.

MiraiDevant · 14/10/2017 10:06

So it is an optional date. The parents' evening is January.

This is an additional time arranged for parents to come in and chat to teachers if they can and they want to. Different issue.

Surely if you are able to regularly pick up a 15 year old at 2.45 it is not such a leap to assume that an offer of a 1pm, (or from 1pm slot for a conversation) might be seen as helpful.

(Teacher giving up lunchbreak to acommodate?)

The phones issue and extra classes matter are probably also more complex than simply a monster of a Head.

Original poster
inabizzlefam · 14/10/2017 10:09

He came home the first week of term with a letter setting out upcoming events, inset days, term times, etc. No mention of daytime parents evening. Have checked on website and when I was on the website a week ago to order some revision guides I am sure there was no mention of this so it must have been updated in the last week.
Apparently the pupils will be finishing at 1pm and going home to allow the teachers to do the meetings with the parents

OP posts:
pieceofpurplesky · 14/10/2017 10:09

Unless this isn’t a group meet not all appointments will be at 1. You are there for 2:45 so I am sure there will be appointments about this time. You also say you checked the website - the date has probably been on there for ages and you son was told as a reminder.
At 15 he also needs to take some responsibility for himself and revision classes (unless SEN)

pieceofpurplesky · 14/10/2017 10:10

Cross post

Pengggwn · 14/10/2017 10:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ocelot41 · 14/10/2017 10:14

Skype is a genius idea. I am fortunate to be able to afford a babysitter. But I have friends who are lone parents who cant.

MrsFezziwig · 14/10/2017 10:15

Also no school is going to be able to please all of the parents.
Indeed not, but they would probably please more of them if they gave more notice for events. How can you not know when an INSET day is? Surely it must be just as annoying for the teachers as they can't plan their childcare either with little notice - or is it that the school knows but doesn't communicate it to the parents? What is email for?

Original poster
inabizzlefam · 14/10/2017 10:15

He does take responsibility for after school class. He has a timetable but the classes keep getting cancelled on the day so not down to his irresponsible behaviour.
Yes I can collect him at 2.45 but am working until 2.30.
After that I have to collect DCs from a different school at 3.15 so not much wiggle room, especially if I realise Ds1 is not coming out at 2.45, drive to other school then drive back to DS1 school.

OP posts:
MiraiDevant · 14/10/2017 10:17

This annoys me. The original post gave the impression that a child came home telling a mother that she needed to be at a parents' meeting at 1pm the next working day.

Result was a string of posts about working women, implied sexism, useless schools, children as unreliable messengers etc, (including mine! Grin )

Actually the school has a website and sent a letter and the child is 15!

The Parent's Evening is scheduled for January so months of notice.

This is an extra session, optional, possibly arranged as one of a series of information sessions. The Head did not single out the child to tell him that only mothers should attend the session.

Perhaps as OP has had communication with the Head and shown that she wants to talk about things the Head reminded the 15 year old that if his mother did want to discuss issues she might like to come along to one of the sessions - the next one was Monday.

This has nothing to do with a Head assuming all women don't work!!

NataliaOsipova · 14/10/2017 10:18

My DDs' school offers appointments before school (8am), after school and two evenings. I think that's a really good way of doing it as it covers most people's circumstances. You can't expect teachers to be there at 10pm to cover everyone's working hours; equally, schools can't expect people to be able to make a midday appointment with very short notice. Bit of thought goes a one way with these things.

MrsFezziwig · 14/10/2017 10:19

And presumably if doctors think telephone consultations are appropriate on some occasions then it's not unreasonable to think that Skype or phone isn't a good solution to communicate with a teacher, providing the mechanism is there to meet face to face if need be.

MiraiDevant · 14/10/2017 10:19

Also no school is going to be able to please all of the parents.

Indeed not, but they would probably please more of them if they gave more notice for events.

You are completely right - but now we see that all is not as it seemed at first

Knusper · 14/10/2017 10:20

That does sound chaotic.

For secondary, we got all our dates for the entire school year in a very long letter at the start of term. In primary we get about 4 weeks notice for 'whole class' parents' info evening at the start of the year. And dates about four months in advance for individual parent consultations.

AccrualIntentions · 14/10/2017 10:21

To me it sounds like you are in another era by referring to the Headteacher as the Headmistress. Is this still the normal thing to call a female Headteacher?

MrsFezziwig · 14/10/2017 10:23

Certainly correct in OP's situation - but the thread seems to be full of examples of schools expecting people to do things at short notice - just not possible with a lot of people's working arrangements.

viques · 14/10/2017 10:26

Divadee, you do realise that some people, quite a lot of people actually, work in the evening?

There is not, and probably never will be , a solution to the parents consultation dilemma. you honestly can't please all the people all the time. As others have said day times don't suit day time working parents, evenings don't suit other parents, early evenings don't suit those with younger children. Skype appointments wouldn't suit areas with poor broadband, or appointments where work books were available to look at.

It has to be about flexibility on both sides, I find it hard to believe that schools only give 48 hours notice of parents evenings, I imagine that a notification has not been received rather than one not been sent. I doubt any school is arranging things at such short notice, for a start their own premises booking and staff would have to be notified with more notice than that! Most schools I know, and I know a lot, try to mix their arrangements through the year between evening and day sessions so that parents have choice, and moreover try to offer preferred times and match sibling appointments, but it is a logistical nightmare.

StealthPolarBear · 14/10/2017 10:27

People are getting very hung up on the arrangements on this thread. The bigger problem for me (assuming the ds is accurate) is the message to children and their parents that dads have important jobs and presumably are responsible for the finances and mums arrange their lives around the children with any little job they do being for a bit of extra money.

Kazzyhoward · 14/10/2017 10:28

It is always on the school calendar with notification at the start of every academic year.

So you know, with certainty, that ALL schools have put up their full and final version of their calendar, including all these things, at the start of term do you?

They "should" do that, but some don't. I got caught out a few years ago when I'd been certain that I'd checked the calendar and put all the dates on my calendar, but a few things changed during the year, including inset days. After that, now I always print off the calendar, and yes, it does change as the year passes without notice until the reminders a couple of weeks before. If they're going to change the calendar, then they should be honest and upfront and tell people as soon as changes are made.