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Original poster

17 year old girl walking home sexually assaulted by multiple, unconnected men

597 replies

NoLoveofMine · 13/10/2017 10:15

An absolutely horrendous case in which a 17 year old girl trying to get home on a night out was subject to multiple serious sexual assaults it seems by men completely unconnected to one another. What does this say about society, that different men in a small geographical location within the space of an hour all had such contempt for women and girls they chose to commit these abhorrent attacks on her? It's hideous. I don't usually start threads in this section of the board but I feel so enraged by these attacks and feel more should be aware of this misogyny.

[http://news.met.police.uk/news/appeal-after-woman-sexually-assaulted-by-multiple-suspects-following-night-out-267602]

OP posts:
hollyisalovelyname · 14/10/2017 10:14

TiesthatBind
I am amazed that more people don't have the same attitude as you.

Original poster
NoLoveofMine · 14/10/2017 10:17

We can't go on just accepting the status quo that 1 in 4/5 women we know will be sexually assaulted/raped in their lifetime.

I agree IncreasinglyMisanthropic and as you said in your post, this doesn't even count all the street harassment etc which so many girls and women experience.

Thank you CocoaIsGone Flowers I am so angry and upset thinking about what this girl went through and is going through, as well as so many women and girls. I have no doubt your son is and will continue to be lovely. From my perspective talking to boys about this kind of thing is important, so difficult within the context of our society but what you're doing will be having a real impact on him.

Piewraith sorry to read of what you experienced Flowers

OP posts:
soberexpat · 14/10/2017 10:25

tiesthatbind I am with you completely.

DH and I have an agreement that if anyone lays a hand on DD he will kill them. And do time for it. To be honest I’d do it myself.

Bluffinwithmymuffin · 14/10/2017 10:35

I agree that only a relatively small minority of men would behave like this, but for it to happen even once, the minority's nowhere near small enough.

Read this story in the Standard yesterday on way home from work in the area it happened- too horrendous for words, but would be interesting to know if there's any connection culturally re the separate attackers,

There's definitely a need to address respect for women and girls in school.

BertrandRussell · 14/10/2017 10:42

"DH and I have an agreement that if anyone lays a hand on DD he will kill them. And do time for it. To be honest I’d do it myself"
And that will help your dd exactly how?

ToneDeafHamster · 14/10/2017 10:45

Tiesthatbind I hear what you are saying. Our parents are a massive influence on us.

I would also kill anyone that harmed my daughter. I worry for her in this society.

As a woman I have had my fair share of male perpetrated violence and sexual assault. My DH, however, is a wonderful man, and I truly believe he is one of the rare good ones. Took a lot of finding though.

BertrandRussell · 14/10/2017 11:01

"I would also kill anyone that harmed my daughter. I worry for her in this society."
And that would help your dd exactly how?

Slimthistime · 14/10/2017 11:01

I think something the law could do is establish that physical defence is okay
I am short and was a slip of a thing when a bloke grabbed me from behind, forcefully, in a bar, under my shoulders. I think he wanted to lift me and turn me to face him.

I did the only thing instinct told me to do, I turned and punched. He was so angry he had to be held back by others from going full on attack at me

. I went absolutely cold but waited for him to stop screaming before saying "I've just done to you what you did to me". Luckily the bouncers chucked him out but the worst thing was the realisation after that he could probably get me arrested. We need clarity in this. You grab me out of the blue, a punch IS a proportional response.

A pp said she was raising boys and has no idea what to do, that doesn't fill me with confidence. I guess start from "all men are potential rapists" and go from there. Never assume it's not your boy.

Also I was thinking about offices. A lot of them have security cameras along corridors etc. Let's put them in meeting rooms too. Anywhere this happens. Also immediate dismissal for harassment- it was done to me in front of witnesses and he got a formal warning but why not instant dismissal? He was really unprofessional to me and the witnesses afterwards which made him impossible to work with.

NewDaddie · 14/10/2017 11:06

That poor child. I don't even have the words.

HornyTortoise · 14/10/2017 11:25

Spent most of the morning educating my husband on this. He comes across fairly feminist in so many ways and I have posted before about how he seems much more switched on than many other males around how males treat females, and even how little things males do can affect females. He is one of those men who will cross the street and go out of his way if walking on a night rather than possibly scare a woman by walking behind her. That kind of thing. About as feminist as a guy can be. or so I thought.

I was discussing this story with him and instead of being all 'NAMLT!!!' he understood and his first thought was about how the girl must be feeling. BUT, the conversation then progressed onto how apparently 'loads' of women say they have been raped or assaulted when they just changed their minds. FFS. I thought he was better than this. I thought its maybe just been drummed into him by friends and such and maybe this bit of misogyny has seeped through into him, but now I am thinking no...what if he actually does think like this and just 'says the right thing' when talking to me about this stuff.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 14/10/2017 11:30

Slim

I know that . I probably should not have mentioned it actuallly but as a local I was musing in that location . Would I walk there alone at night ? It's something we all think about but to vocalise opens a can of worms

Sallystyle · 14/10/2017 11:35

Parents are a massive influence for sure. I have taught my teen boys a lot about consent. We have had many in-depth conversations about these issues. It is of course incredibly important that they have a father or male role model who they see respecting women and pulling up people on sexism.

Then they go to school and mix with people who haven't had these values taught. I think a lot of children/teens often go through stages where they care more about fitting in with their peers. I know there has been studies done on this and it is often thought that as they get older peers and popular culture have the bigger influence.

We all need to be having these conversations with them from quite a young age, age appropriately of course. I would love to see these issues talked about more at school for those who have parents who don't do it. Sex education here is piss poor.

NewDaddie · 14/10/2017 11:37

The problem is tortoise is that no one wants to be the bad person. Accepting the truth will force him to confront the decisions he made every time he was inside a nightclub when he was younger.

The sad truth is that same night that poor girl probably crossed paths with many many more women who were sexually assaulted inside the bars/clubs. For those women there will be no CCTV or nasty Johnny Foreigner to pin the bad guy badge on.

threadarick · 14/10/2017 11:41

I was glancing online at an article about this and now feel a bit uncomfortable based on some comments I’ve seen, which go along the lines of “three times? Horrific!”

I mean, it is, completely. But it’s the way we’ve completely normalised “just once” (by which I mean it’s sad, but in a “yeah that happens” sort of way).

We should ideally have the same shocked reaction to “raped” as we do to “raped three times by different men”, shouldn’t we?

Original poster
NoLoveofMine · 14/10/2017 11:50

I know what you mean threadarick. Maybe I'm slightly guilty of it myself by starting a thread on it (though I am horrified and angered by all such attacks). I think it's more that three separate men (or more than three as the final one was in a group) in such a small area in a small space of time all chose to attack her which is what's yet more horrifying - these unconnected men all making that choice independently of one another which to me shows how widespread this contempt for women and girls is, how so many view us. That a man could do it, that other men could see her in a state of distress and also assault her. This isn't to say being raped once isn't utterly abhorrent I hope.

OP posts:
HornyTortoise · 14/10/2017 11:54

Its a lot..'easier' to get your head around men like this being few and far between. Even though stats and such do tell us rape/sexual assault is very very common...I think most still have in their heads that its rare. But when something like this happens, and 3 unrelated blokes attack in a short space of time...it kind of brings it home that its NOT that rare really, and this is why people are more shocked.

Original poster
NoLoveofMine · 14/10/2017 11:56

HornyTortoise that's awful (and completely ignorant, I hope that doesn't come across as rude just as I'm sure you agree his statement was completely wrong). Bad enough to hold such ridiculous beliefs (which shows how entrenched misogyny and victim blaming is) but to express them in the context of a discussion stemming from what this girl went through is horrible I think. I hope you'll be able to get through to him - he should listen and understand when you point out how damaging his attitude is.

OP posts:
Original poster
NoLoveofMine · 14/10/2017 12:00

It is true NewDaddie that these attitudes towards women and girls are far too widespread. Street harassment and widespread sexual assaults show how many view us.

OP posts:
Bluffinwithmymuffin · 14/10/2017 12:47

A pp said she was raising boys and has no idea what to do, that doesn't fill me with confidence. I guess start from "all men are potential rapists" and go from there. Never assume it's not your boy.

thats just not true though. Not all men are potentially rapists, or even very many men. I brought my sons up to respect women and assume that all women deserve to be treated respectfully, not differentiate according to culture, dress sense, hearsay or whatever. It's not that hard really.

Giggorata · 14/10/2017 13:39

It is that hard, when messages to the contrary are coming in from everywhere else.... misogynistic lyrics & videos, page 3, rape jokes, etc. Men are socialised above and beyond what is target within families.

Giggorata · 14/10/2017 13:41

Taught within families.
And don't get me started on Abramic religions (including Christianity)

BertrandRussell · 14/10/2017 13:44

"hats just not true though. Not all men are potentially rapists, or even very many men. I brought my sons up to respect women and assume that all women deserve to be treated respectfully, not differentiate according to culture, dress sense, hearsay or whatever. It's not that hard really."

It is that bloody hard. If it wasn't, there wouldn't be a problem!

gluteustothemaximus · 14/10/2017 14:08

It is that hard, when messages to the contrary are coming in from everywhere else.... misogynistic lyrics & videos, page 3, rape jokes, etc. Men are socialised above and beyond what is target within families.

This in spades.

Chestervase1 · 14/10/2017 14:23

TIesthatbindme thank you i wonder if the girl was abducted at some point as it beggars belief that she was attacked on three separate occasions in three different locations. No one driving past stopped to help her either.

Piewraith · 14/10/2017 14:39

Not all men are potentially rapists, or even very many men. I brought my sons up to respect women and assume that all women deserve to be treated respectfully, not differentiate according to culture, dress sense, hearsay or whatever. It's not that hard really.

That's the scary thing, I would say many or most of the men that sexually assault are brought up well and normally, have loving parents, female friends and wives or girlfriends. And yet the opportunity presents itself and that thin veneer of respect peels right off.