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AIBU?

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Original poster

17 year old girl walking home sexually assaulted by multiple, unconnected men

597 replies

NoLoveofMine · 13/10/2017 10:15

An absolutely horrendous case in which a 17 year old girl trying to get home on a night out was subject to multiple serious sexual assaults it seems by men completely unconnected to one another. What does this say about society, that different men in a small geographical location within the space of an hour all had such contempt for women and girls they chose to commit these abhorrent attacks on her? It's hideous. I don't usually start threads in this section of the board but I feel so enraged by these attacks and feel more should be aware of this misogyny.

[http://news.met.police.uk/news/appeal-after-woman-sexually-assaulted-by-multiple-suspects-following-night-out-267602]

OP posts:
Original poster
NoLoveofMine · 13/10/2017 15:55

I agree Lana. It's frustrating as there have been some excellent posts, not least from yourself and I think it's vital for these awful attacks to be discussed.

OP posts:
TiesThatBindMe · 13/10/2017 15:55

I don't think that though Laguna. So put two and two together and realise it equals four. Not five.

TiesThatBindMe · 13/10/2017 15:56

Well it's not suspended as I'm happily posting away.

Slimthistime · 13/10/2017 15:57

I'm thinking this is probably part of a gang - why are the police so convinced they are unconnected?

these men could easily have someone stationed along various roads and not just message each other about the victim, but there's a guy here on a bike....so there won't be an electronic message trail for the police to see.

I can well believe men set up gangs to inform each other of lone females walking around.

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 13/10/2017 15:59

I really am startng to worry that healthy normal debate is starting to become impossible.

It's cool to have different views, and it's normal and healthy to hash out issues by robustly challenging and debating other people.

I think everyone here would agree, regardless of whether we were disagreeing two minutes ago, that shutting down a debate that isn't nasty is downright out of order.

Frequency · 13/10/2017 15:59

I do think there is a discussion to be had around the particular extreme views some people in some cultures hold and whether having large pockets of minority groups in one area is a good thing but it is not relevant to the wider, why do men rape discussion this thread was meant to be about.

Men of all races, religions and ethnic backgrounds commit rape. Our own culture has to shoulder some of the responsibility.

TiesThatBindMe · 13/10/2017 16:02

Poor girl though. At the end of the day, when all is said and done, women are not safe out and about. If you have teenage girls, because she is a teenager, not a woman, please make sure they have the price of a taxi home. And hope that she has friends who will stick with her. What a fucking nightmare for her. So young and now having that trauma. All because she just went out for a night.

LagunaBubbles · 13/10/2017 16:02

I don't think that though Laguna. So put two and two together and realise it equals four. Not five

Oh right, so its perfectly normal to think its all part from it being an animal urge that anyone that uses their brain should be able to resist? That tells people exactly what you think! Grin

Original poster
NoLoveofMine · 13/10/2017 16:07

Men of all races, religions and ethnic backgrounds commit rape. Our own culture has to shoulder some of the responsibility.

Very much so.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 13/10/2017 16:07

"I'm thinking this is probably part of a gang - why are the police so convinced they are unconnected?"
Because they are the oolice and probably know more about it than we do?

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 13/10/2017 16:09

I do think there is a discussion to be had around the particular extreme views some people in some cultures hold and whether having large pockets of minority groups in one area is a good thing but it is not relevant to the wider, why do men rape discussion this thread was meant to be about.

I think that some cultures are more entrenched in an extreme view, but that applies equally to lot's of different ones, including white christian.

But tbh, it's so pervasive, it's all part of a worldwide culture.

Even the most "liberal lefty" bloke is still capable of it.

It literally pervades every single part of the world, no matter how liberal and enlightened that part thinks it is, it just manifests in different ways.

Original poster
NoLoveofMine · 13/10/2017 16:10

I would add every time a boy or man makes a "joke" about rape, sexual assault, or trivialises these with comments, they are joking about horrific experiences such as this girl had, they are laughing at victims, they are normalising it and giving succour to perpetrators, it all has to be challenged.

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheets · 13/10/2017 16:12

sadly I can well believe that one women was unfortunate enough to meet 3 predatory males in one night - they aren't rare

faithinthesound · 13/10/2017 19:33

I feel like you can't have it both ways? You can't declare that rape is about sexual gratification and then condemn anyone, man or woman, for masturbating. Because isn't that seeking sexual gratification on your own terms, without involving another person? (Usually.)

And yeah, every toddler goes through a "discovering my body" phase. You should teach them it's something private to do alone, not that it's something shameful and wrong. That way leads to sexual repression and the kind of messed up issues where men go out and rape because their ideas around sex are so skewed.

And I do mean every toddler. Girls included. You can't condemn the boys and refuse to acknowledge the girls. saying "My daughter doesn't fiddle with herself, she's not an animal" is not only grotesquely naive, it's actually incredibly offensive to all the normal, healthy kids out there exploring their bodies in a normal, healthy way.

@TiesThatBindMe I'm sorry for your troubles but it sounds like you need help.

faithinthesound · 13/10/2017 19:36

@NoLoveofMine
Challenging it is exactly right.

"If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality."(Desmond Tutu)

So the poster whose husband went quiet and left conversations that troubled him, you kind of don't get points for that. By not speaking out against it you're tacitly approving it.

Rumandraisin1 · 13/10/2017 19:36

Misogyny and horrendous assaults on women and girls seem to be endemic and yet it's not classed as a hate crime so the root of this isn't acknowledged or addressed. Angry

Rumandraisin1 · 13/10/2017 19:47

Tbh, I'm surprised about all the reporting on the Harvey Weinstein story, like he's some completely atypical sex fiend, that it's astounding no one has challenged him before or that some women didn't report what had happened to them or that nothing was done when others did raise it.

Other than the fame, this is an entirely typical story that many women will be able to relate to. Suddenly (for whatever reason) the tables have turned on him and everyone's suddenly horrified and piling in but there'll be plenty of other women right now who are experiencing similar issues and, if they dare to report it, they won't be taken seriously and it's them who will end up being forced out of their jobs.

Original poster
NoLoveofMine · 13/10/2017 19:57

Indeed ghostlylovesheets as awful attacks like this sadly show.

Excellent quotation faithinthesound and I very much agree regarding hate crimes as that's what they are, Rumandraisin1, attacks on women and girls purely down to being female.

OP posts:
Slimthistime · 13/10/2017 20:15

Oh the thread is unlocked, good

To be clear, I'm not criticising the police or disbelieving that she could encounter three separate guys like this, of course she could, they're freaking everywhere.

I just wondered, especially as BBC local news on TV said they think she was drugged. Also, my ex is a policeman and I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't say "gang" because they want the gang to think they aren't on to them. It's like when some stories go in the media and then vanish because the police have a reason to ask for them to stop reporting.

Absolutely no disrespect to our police intended, and fully see that three separate attackers likely too. I just wondered about gangs especially with the bike.

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 13/10/2017 20:52

It's so shocking. Surely if you saw a girl in a state of undressed, dishevelled and distressed you'd help her up and call the police. But out of these men only one of them did that.

IamImportantToo · 13/10/2017 20:57

Karate Kitten
Fuck off with your ignorant accusations. I have sons.* I bring them up to treat females as equals. To treat people with respect - male and female.* To challenge homophobia transphobia and sexism

IamImportantToo · 13/10/2017 21:12

My son is challenging. Very complex SN but high functioning. Prone to aggression towards me. Very anxious. However he is such a strongly principled boy. He was the only one to stand up to homophobic bullying in primary. In his secondary a friend of his committed the “crime” of dating two boys during the same school year. Not concurrently. Not cheating. But in a year she saw two boys. She was ostracised by the whole year when she dumped Golden Boy #2. Labelled a slag and treated like crap on social media. I’ve seen the friendship and support he offers he. Read the indignant and ranting angry messages he sends to her detractors. Both males and females turned on her. He is bemused by the reactions and has fallen out with friends because of his support. I don’t know if it is because he is vulnerable and prone to being bullied himself. Or that he has been ostracised too. But he is unrelenting in telling people how stupid they are and that we all can date any number of people so long as we don’t cheat and hurt others.

And on days where he hits me due to his anxiety. And exhausted because of his compulsive thoughts at night and constant wakings... I remember what a great kid he is and feel really proud.

KarateKitten · 13/10/2017 21:46

Iam, huh? Not sure what you think I accused you of.

whyhastherumgone · 13/10/2017 21:51

This makes me so livid, frightened and saddened
The sheer misogynistic entitlement of seeing this poor girl as an "opportunity" for what they will probably see as "a bit of fun" makes me sick to my stomach.
We are great for talking up equality but actually, when you look at what's happening to women all over it doesn't feel like we have made much progression at all.
I can't even articulate what I want to say properly.

GhostCurry · 13/10/2017 21:57

Have only read 1st page of thread, so sorry if this has been said. But I hate the way this sentence has been written:

"The pair are then seen appearing to go into a doorway on the same road"

The pair. Yes, there were two of them, but calling them a "pair" makes it sound consensual.