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AIBU?

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17 year old girl walking home sexually assaulted by multiple, unconnected men

597 replies

NoLoveofMine · 13/10/2017 10:15

An absolutely horrendous case in which a 17 year old girl trying to get home on a night out was subject to multiple serious sexual assaults it seems by men completely unconnected to one another. What does this say about society, that different men in a small geographical location within the space of an hour all had such contempt for women and girls they chose to commit these abhorrent attacks on her? It's hideous. I don't usually start threads in this section of the board but I feel so enraged by these attacks and feel more should be aware of this misogyny.

[http://news.met.police.uk/news/appeal-after-woman-sexually-assaulted-by-multiple-suspects-following-night-out-267602]

OP posts:
LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 13/10/2017 14:14

And again, have you read anything I've written???

Nothing is a fucking right, but if I'm in an appropiate time and place, and I fancy a wank, why wouldn't I?? Confused

Again....what wouldyou teach girls about masturbation?

TiesThatBindMe · 13/10/2017 14:14

So, let's say you're married. The lovely husband wakes up with morning glory. Mad for it. You on the other hand don't need to get up for another hour. He wants some, you tell him no. Is it perfectly normal and natural and his right to wank beside you? Or is it better that you tell him to get control of himself? We are teaching men that they NEED and are ENTITLED to sexual gratification JUST BECAUSE THEY BE MENZ.

BertrandRussell · 13/10/2017 14:15

"Woe betide you if you disciplined him for wanking when inappropriate. Poor little chap. He needs to do it and it's sooooooooo natural."

What are you going on about?

Frequency · 13/10/2017 14:15

Mothers of boys not parents of boys? Do the men have no part in raising their son?

My mum's friend had a similar experience when she was a teen, some thirty odd years ago. After getting too drunk on a night out, she left her friends and got a taxi home. The taxi driver raped her. She ran to a nearby house for help where the male resident also raped her. By the time a third group of people found her, the woman was so traumatised, she wouldn't let them help her, convinced they wanted to assault her. They had to call the Police, fortunately, as it's thought, if she'd made it home, she would not have reported it.

They never found the taxi driver. The second man was arrested and I believed jailed for his part.

Although he never gave an explanation, it was thought at the time that if a convenient victim had not fallen into his lap, he would never have committed rape. He'd never been in trouble with the law previously and was happily married with children, holding down a decent job.

The Police believe because the victim was begging him to take her home and not the police station, he thought he'd get away with it. If he had taken her home, instead of throwing her out onto the street, half naked, for the third group of people to find, he might well have gotten away with it. As it is, he couldn't take her home because his kids were in bed and his wife was due home Angry Sad

I do believe this is not a minority of men, it is a sizable portion, many of whom would never admit to being a rapist because they don't identify as one until a perfect opportunity comes along.

It's also a male problem and only males can stop it. The few decent men around need to start shouting very loudly against this. The media (and the men who control it) need to change the way women are viewed and men need to teach their sons that, no, it is not okay to speak about or think of women as sex toys.

NoLoveofMine · 13/10/2017 14:16

Lots of emphasis that it's not ok to let comments go or to not take part

I agree Assassinated. Misogynist comments, comments generally belittling or demeaning girls and women should always be challenged, especially by boys and men.

OP posts:
NoLoveofMine · 13/10/2017 14:17

Very much so pallisers and a great post Frequency. Sorry to read of your mum's friend.

OP posts:
TiesThatBindMe · 13/10/2017 14:18

I wouldn't discuss masturbation with a daughter. Feels oddly sickening to think that people would? Women generally don't go around the place wanking or raping? Men however seem to be entitled to sexual gratification whenever they feel like it because parents allow them to.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 13/10/2017 14:18

I spend a lot of time in very "right on" lefty company, with men who would be horrified that they could be thought of as sexual abusers

But you know what? All their supposedly high minded ideas never stopped them coercing their girlfriends into sex (rape btw), making sexual jokes (just "underhand ones") or groping women at festivals

I believe you implicitly, and in some ways the "lefty" label can actually make things worse, in that they feel they've got this "badge of honour" so can't possibly be part of the problem - oh no, not me mate, of course not

a key question is what is appropriate/possible for men to do to challenge behaviours in their friendship group

I agree this is absolutely key, but would extend it to all areas of influence. There's an excellent article here goldenageofgaia.com/building-nova-earth-toward-a-world-that-works-for-everyone/nova-earth-day/speak-up-against-domestic-violence/ which includes some very worthwhile ideas under "how to start the conversation" ... surely points which are worth promoting?

WomblingThree · 13/10/2017 14:19

I wasn’t going to come back to this thread, as (very unusually for me) I’m really upset, but @TiesThatBindMe what the fuck? You are now blaming every mother of a rapist for the fact he rapes? So the poor little rapist had nothing to do with it, it was all his mother’s fault. And every woman on here who is raising a boy is raising him to be a rapist.

This is actually one of the more hurtful things I’ve ever read on here. I’m a shit mother, a shit human, a victim and an idiot all rolled into one. Fucking awesome.

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 13/10/2017 14:21

Is it perfectly normal and natural and his right to wank beside you?

No. Absolutely not.

Or is it better that you tell him to get control of himself?

Well......in a healthy relationship you shouldn't need to, because he'd just go "ok then" and get up.

End of.

We are teaching men that they NEED and are ENTITLED to sexual gratification JUST BECAUSE THEY BE MENZ

Yeah I agree.
Butthat has nothing to do with perfectly normal, healthy masturbation in the privacy of your own room.

Do you think women dn't have sexual urges?
Do you think women don't wank?

Men think they are entiled to sex, that's a massive part of the problem, so this is why we teach children boundaries and consent.

TiesThatBindMe · 13/10/2017 14:22

This reply has been deleted

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WillowWeeping · 13/10/2017 14:22

I do think it's a small minority of men though

I wonder how many lone men she walked past during that hour. My guess would not many and that the majority of men she passed assaulted her.

That is horrific

TiesThatBindMe · 13/10/2017 14:23

Lana - but DO we teach them boundaries and consent?

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 13/10/2017 14:24

Women generally don't go around the place wanking or raping?

Women don't rape, sure.

But women wank. Most women wank off when they want to.

So it can't be the fault of masturbation that men rape, can it??

WomblingThree · 13/10/2017 14:25

Yes you fucking did you nasty smug “person”. Not that you actually care.

AssassinatedBeauty · 13/10/2017 14:25

@WomblingThree that poster is projecting their own issues around sex onto this issue, and I would suggest that their attitude to this is somewhat unusual. I wouldn't give it any significance whatsoever, it is nonsense.

TiesThatBindMe · 13/10/2017 14:26

Every woman I know shows self restraint with regards to sexual gratification. Men? Not so much. Why?

LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 13/10/2017 14:28

And tbh the fact that you are "sickened" by the thought of a mother and daughter talking frankly about a perfectly normal, healthy thing very telling.

Why wouldn't you?

It's not only little boys who sit in the living room "fiddling".
It's a normal process of learning about yourself that every child goes through.

Plenty of parents have had to explain boundaries to their toddler daughter.

My mum once accidentally opened a parcel that contained my new (and frankly terrifying looking) sex toy.

Do you know what we did??

We had a laugh about it and moved on.

Now thats healthy.

NoLoveofMine · 13/10/2017 14:30

This is such a huge derail.

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 13/10/2017 14:30

Wombling- there is obviously an agenda being pushed on here- possibly a religious one? Honestly,don't give it another thought. There have been other......interesting.....contributions on other threads. Flowers

TiesThatBindMe · 13/10/2017 14:30

Aw. How avant garde you are. I have no intention of discussing masturbation with my daughter. And she has never 'fiddled' with herself. She's not an animal. She's human with a brain and not some base animal with animal urges.

NoLoveofMine · 13/10/2017 14:31

I would say it's quite unpleasant to divert the topic onto this in the context of such horrendous attacks on a 17 year old girl.

OP posts:
LanaKanesLeftNippleTassle · 13/10/2017 14:31

every woman I know shows self restraint with regards to sexual gratification. Men? Not so much. Why?

Because they are men brought up in a world where literally every advert, TV show, joke tells them that women are for sexual gratification.

Not because they weren't punished harshly enough for having a wank Confused

Sadly, I suspect that no matter how hard I try at home, DS is going to be bombarded with messages from others about women.

Men feel entiled because the whole cultture tells them they are.

This is a completely seperate thing from people having a wank.

TiesThatBindMe · 13/10/2017 14:32

Bog off Bertrand.

Youshallnotpass · 13/10/2017 14:32

As a Man I am appalled by this and do feel that it is an alarmingly large proportion of men who certainly think in the way of "Women as meat" mentioned earlier in the thread.

I can only hope my wife and I raise my son to understand women are equals.

I don't understand why men feel the need to take everything personally and say "Not all men" etc. It's clearly a problem and it needs addressing.