To feel bitter towards DB & parents over inheritance.

[BitBitter]

So my DM was left an inheritance by an aunt of £150,000. My parents are both 65+ and have always lived in rented accommodation. They wanted to purchase a flat. The did not have enough to buy a 2 bed flat in our area even with their savings added. They could have afforded a one bed flat, but I was told "but where would your brother live?

My DB is 45, still lives at home. He has no SN or medical issues (apart from being a lazy git). He never lifts a finger to help around the house. When my father was ill, he didn't help in any way or form. All his previous jobs have been as a result of myself or DM getting him interviews at places we already worked. He was made redundant a few years ago and couldn't be bothered to look for work, therefore he didn't sign on and lived off his savings for 2 years. He eventually got a job after my DM found him one where she works.

As my parents could not get a mortgage they signed all the money over to DB. He took out the mortgage and a loan for the £70,000 remaining on the house. He thinks he'll have paid it off in 5 years.

My Great aunts will stated all the inheritance was to go to DM. However if she outlived her it was to be split equally between me & my brother. I can't help but think if she knew DM was going to do this she would have named me separately for a small sum. I have 2 children under 10 she adored and she often talked of helping us out when she'd gone. .

I am glad DM is still around to receive it. I know it is her money to do as she wishes. But I‘m hurt that she didn't think it necessary to give any future provision for me. We still have a mortgage we'll be paying off for the next 20 years. None of the plans were discussed with me, I was just told that's what they were doing. When I asked if they were planning to gift anything to me or the children so we could put it towards a holiday etc, I was told there was none spare. Yet my father bought a brand new car when there was nothing wrong with the old one. Oh and finally when I queried the fact DB would profit greatly whilst I wouldn't I was told "well you've had free childcare as I've looked after your kids when you've gone to work, Your brother's got no kids (yet) so yours will get the flat eventually".

So hit me MN‘s, AIBU to be bitter that my DB will have a flat worth £270,000+ and I won't receive a single penny.

Your mother should have ensured she was named on the purchase of the property to the value of her contribution and what was to happen to her share when she died. Water under the bridge now, just accept you are making your own way in life and that your brother will be responsible for looking after your parents when need be.

Purplealienpuke you have no idea how you would feel in that situation, since it has evidently not happened to you. Don't castigate the OP for not meeting standards you've decided you'd adhere to despite zero experience. It's not your place.

Childcare thing might be no bad thing OP, at least temporarily. Not necessarily long term, but for a bit of a break. You would all benefit from you having some distance from the situation, I reckon. I definitely think this is a clusterfuck waiting to happen and you should thank your lucky stars you're well away from it.

Sorry if this has been pointed out but if the flat is sole in your brothers name then it cant be used towards their care home costs?

Have they done this so that in the future they can rely on the state which effectively saves that inheritance from having to go to care costs? Obviously still unfair it goes to your brother but i think it 5 years after a gift that it can no longer be touched by the government so its actually quite smart of them (depending on what county they live in)

I would change work shits to take child care needs out of the equation if possible.

I'm totally with you on this OP.

Your brother doesn't sound like the kind of pet who has factored long term care and responsibilities due to his aging parents and I would be concerned that once they are no longer financially or practically helpful they will be evicted.

Then you will be left to pick up the pieces and your parents will no doubt expect to do so.

This would tip me over the edge. Your brother is sitting on a nice nest egg.

I would not be accepting of the situation as it is grossly unfair. I couldn't care less that it's up to them.

If he's so amazing let him look after them.

I would be asking for a slice of this money upon their death if not then I'd totally reassess my relationship with them

I am completely confused. That is a very substantial amount of money to 'sign over to DB'? Inheritance tax laws are designed to ensure there are rules around this. The mechanism through which this happened is important. I am not sure what the amount is in the UK without triggering a tax obligation (it is under 15k in the US) but I am guessing it is not 150k. It is only a certain amount each year you can do without being taxed. Otherwise, people could distribute assets left right and centre prior to their death. I am sure it is more complex than this and maybe I could be wring about the rules here but when my husband's parents inherited they gave three siblings a certain amount which I think was specifically under a certain threshold.

Yes you can be hurt, it doesn’t sound fair. However it’s their money and their choice. They are thinking of themselves which seems sensible and the fact your DB can get hold of the extra money is why he got chosen. He is benefiting inadvertently by the sound of it.

Unfortunately it seems common that the layabouts get given money like this as the parent wrongly thinks it’s OK the other DC is well off, in comparison yes, but because you worked hard and with children it’s hardly likely you’re so well off the extra money wouldn’t make a difference. Your parents don’t sound well off themselves so perhaps they didn’t feel able to spare it.

It’s tricky that they had to get the mortgage by having your brother get it. It will definitely be his and and none will come your way. Unless he wills it to your children if he doesn’t have any.

Your parents are now at risk if he meets someone he could decide to get them to leave as it’s now his house might be worth mentioning they need to make sure they’re protected. I would just try and be glad they’ve got a bit of money in their old age and are comfortable. If your brother wills it to your children and it comes there way that would be worth much more than a holiday.

Is your mum experiencing abuse? Your father buys cars when your mother wants to do something for the grandchildren and her inheritance has been given to your brother. Is there something else going on ? Is your mother being set up to be isolated and dependent?

It can if they've intentionally deprived themselves of capital LouHotel, in the UK at least. OP says they are in a UK overseas territory so may be different there. But with social care bills spiralling, local authorities are getting pretty wise to people giving away assets to try and stop them from being used to fund care. If you want to buy your kids a house and not have the money clawed back, you need to start much earlier and ideally do it bit by bit. Giving away a large lump sum when already 65+ is not the way to do it.

Would not happen in our family which is equality all the way even if someone is less well of than someone else.

Your mother has said the property will come to your children. Perhaps suggest she has the brother make a will now leaving the house to your children. Tell the brother it will protect the house if he ever moves in a partner whom he does not marry from taking half his house. Also perhaps suggest that once your children turn 18 they get put on the deeds and have a right to live there.

Get a grip of yourself OP. It is only money and like it or not you have no right to pass judgement on who or how it is spent.

OVienna inheritance tax isn't going to be an issue here because the threshold is much higher than what OP says their assets are. It's 325k plus a family home allowance.

That's not to say there couldn't be any other implications, such as for care costs. This is also why I asked about income based benefits, because if they were claiming pension credit the DWP would certainly be interested. But IHT specifically, if your estate is never going to go over the threshold then the 7 year rules about gifts aren't relevant.

Like it or not 404, she most definitely does have the right. She can't do anything about it, but she can judge away if she likes. That's her prerogative.

I agree with your idea of pulling back a bit for your own sake. I can totally see how this is hurtful for you.

They are incredibly naive and your brother is probably the way he is because of your parents favouritism. My SIL is not quite as bad but she is very childlike, largely because FIL likes it that way. She never pays her share at family gatherings. Does not even make an attempt. Pretty embarrassing for someone in her 40s

onion are you sure there are no additional rules/procedures to follow when the assets are distributed in the person's lifetime? I know that would be the case if they had passed away and left the money outright to an heir. But they are alive and the DB isn't inheriting' on that basis. They gave him the money which I am not sure is easy to do tax free. Anyway maybe they found a way. They could of course buy a house together but then their names would be on the deeds.

The thing is they can't guarantee their estate is never going over the threshold- what if they got another bequest or won the lottery? That is why I would be surprised if there isn't mire admin around this than has been represented here. The mortgage CI isn't would want to how the DB got 150k to fund a purchase. All very bizarre.

Inheritance tax in the UK isn't payable until a person has an estate of 325k. Gifts that have been made within the past 7 years before death can be counted towards this, but if the total is still under 325k then there's not going to be any inheritance tax payable.

There could still be financial implications though yes, definitely. Inheritance tax isn't the only thing to consider.

Maybe the parents do part own it. Which would be good news.

Oh right yes Onion. Got it.

Well my concerns would be more relating to local authorities clawing back the money for care costs and any income based benefits they might be claiming, but yes I suppose it's also possible they'll come into enough money somehow that their estates do end up over the threshold. Other inheritances perhaps.

Anyone would feel hurt and pissed off in your situation. I think they’re being disingenuous if they say they wouldn’t.

However, for your own sake i would take a pragmatic viewpoint. You are a functioning adult, you have a job and children. Your brother sounds like a total loser- fat, lazy, still living at home in his 40s. The highly doubt he’s happy and fulfilled and thinking great, I’ve got the easy life. Being unemployed is usually pretty bad for mental health. He may not have any SEN or diagnosed medical needs but I would bet he’s depressed and bored shitless but lacking the will to change anything. In short, you have nothing to envy. I imagine being in ones 40s, rarely having worked unless someone hands you a job on a plate (and I’m guessing they’re fairly menial jobs) is a pretty futile existence

Secondly, although your mum is being unfair to bring it up if she offered it, the fact you have always had free childcare and babysitting off her Has been a massive financial benefit. Many of us have lived through literally years of childcare costs wiping out our earnings. It may not equate to what you think your brother might get but don’t dismiss it. We lived through this in the era of rocketing interest rates and no free childcare hours too... it was a scary place to be. And yes i did feel a twinge of resentment when a couple of years later my parents looked after my sisters baby for free when she worked (simply because geographically they could, living a couple of miles away) We had been at risk of losing
Our house at one point and never had a single nursery bill paid for by my parents. Even paying for one months fees would have helped. But ultimately, there’s a lot to be said for standing on your own two feet- there’s nothing to be gained by holding on to resentment. So- while I totally get how you feel, focus on the fact that you have a life and your brother seems to just have an existence.

We have a similar situation on both sides of the family. But the most recent one was one dm in her 80s giving away all her saving to ds, who lives a decent drive away and has no kids. Dd who lives nearby and helps her almost daily and was promised a equal inheritance feels resentment and betrayal from her mother. Dd has children, has given loads of care and assistance through many years on a daily basis. Dm has said that is so he comes around more, its to cover his travel costs and he is to pay for the funeral when the time comes. He brought a camper instead so all the money she gave him is gone.

Thinking about this more, is it ever ok not to split it equally? Maybe the DPs think OP is better off than she actually is...

For example, one sibling in our family is much wealthier than the others, has a multi million £ property and probably a million in the bank plus kids in v expensive private schools, lavish lifestyle, can afford to SAHM etc.

We are very fortunate to own a house but both need to work, have a huge mortgage, not many savings, live pretty frugally although not on breadline at all, kids at local school.

Would it be ok for DPs to give less to the well off sibling?