To feel bitter towards DB & parents over inheritance.

[BitBitter]

So my DM was left an inheritance by an aunt of £150,000. My parents are both 65+ and have always lived in rented accommodation. They wanted to purchase a flat. The did not have enough to buy a 2 bed flat in our area even with their savings added. They could have afforded a one bed flat, but I was told "but where would your brother live?

My DB is 45, still lives at home. He has no SN or medical issues (apart from being a lazy git). He never lifts a finger to help around the house. When my father was ill, he didn't help in any way or form. All his previous jobs have been as a result of myself or DM getting him interviews at places we already worked. He was made redundant a few years ago and couldn't be bothered to look for work, therefore he didn't sign on and lived off his savings for 2 years. He eventually got a job after my DM found him one where she works.

As my parents could not get a mortgage they signed all the money over to DB. He took out the mortgage and a loan for the £70,000 remaining on the house. He thinks he'll have paid it off in 5 years.

My Great aunts will stated all the inheritance was to go to DM. However if she outlived her it was to be split equally between me & my brother. I can't help but think if she knew DM was going to do this she would have named me separately for a small sum. I have 2 children under 10 she adored and she often talked of helping us out when she'd gone. .

I am glad DM is still around to receive it. I know it is her money to do as she wishes. But I‘m hurt that she didn't think it necessary to give any future provision for me. We still have a mortgage we'll be paying off for the next 20 years. None of the plans were discussed with me, I was just told that's what they were doing. When I asked if they were planning to gift anything to me or the children so we could put it towards a holiday etc, I was told there was none spare. Yet my father bought a brand new car when there was nothing wrong with the old one. Oh and finally when I queried the fact DB would profit greatly whilst I wouldn't I was told "well you've had free childcare as I've looked after your kids when you've gone to work, Your brother's got no kids (yet) so yours will get the flat eventually".

So hit me MN‘s, AIBU to be bitter that my DB will have a flat worth £270,000+ and I won't receive a single penny.

So she helped u out with childcare probably the equivalent of picking up after your brother all of these years.
Shes being completely unfair and insensitive I cant stand it when parents favour one child over the other its so wrong inheritance should always be split equally in my mind, Its the last thing you can do for your kids.

I don't know. They've bought a flat for themselves in the only way they could

That's not true. They could have bought a one bedroom outright if they had kicked the giant overgrown baby out of the nest at last.

I will need to help out
Actually no you don't.
You can chose to do so because that's your parents. Butmyou don't have to.
I do agree about reminding them about the cost for care in old age. All well and good but my understanding is that they've just handed over all their assets to your db. If one of them needs care, who will be pay to no for it?
As for helping as they get older, again, they chose what worked best for them (their ds has a roof over his head etc etc). You need to chose what is working best for you and your family (and that might well mean less help that they think you will give them).
DONT ever assume your db will step up. If he has gone that far in life wo does ing anything at all for your dparents. Hewintbstep up once they do actually need real support.

When your parents die I would fight for a portion of the original inheritance

I wouldn't say that helping out for a few with two dcs is the same than helping out a grown man since he left school/uni.
Her parents have done more for the dbro than they have done for the OP.

Unfortunately, it's not an unusual situation.

How odd, have you spoken to solicitor about this aspect of it? It seems odd that the intention for you and your db to have equal shares has been over ridden....

That clause is irrelevant because the aunt did not outlive the OP's mother. It's a very normal clause in wills to provide for eventualities. DH and I have this in respect of each other (i.e. everything to one another, but if the other one is already dead then Plan B is.......). However, if DH dies and I get the whole lot then I can do what I want with it. What would have happened if I'd died before him is irrelevant because it didn't happen.

if they predicted a future where your db would always live at home was this there(loving)effort to make sure if anything ever happened to them he would still have a home.
because whilst its then up to them to either maybe discuss or tell you there reasons I can see how from there eyes they might panic thinking if the home was sold through whatever fault either laziness or not your borther would then still be left homeless.so have the ssumed oh dd is ok at least.so let make sure ds is?

YANBU to feel as you do.
I would also be worried for your parents, who have signed over a huge amount of money and put the very roof over their heads in the hands of a man who has proved himself to be financially irresponsible and selfish.

What if at some point in the future your db is unable to pay the mortgage? What if he uses the equity in house to secure another loan? What if your parents need money for their care in the future?

That said, you need to somehow find a way to not care about this for your own sake, and to prevent it from poisoning the relationship between yourself and your parents. Maybe try expressing all your feelings about it, in strong language, in a letter which you don't send? Or rant on here!

Completely different situation, but I spent years feeling resentful of the different way my mum treated my youngest sister and myself and other sister. I have now accepted the fact that she loves dsis more than me. She still loves me, and has been a good mum in many ways but it used to really hurt and I couldn't hide the bitterness I felt. Now, we have a much better relationship because I have faced the truth and decided not to care.

When your parents die I would fight for a portion of the original inheritance

Sadly, if it was worded in the way the OP said, she'll just run up huge legal bills with little hope of success. It was left to her mum outright, not in Trust for her and her brother. It's therefore her mum's money and she can do with it what she wishes, be that giving it to her brother or to the RSPCA.

Do feel sympathy for the OP, though. Especially as she feels it is t what her aunt would have wanted.

I think it's a shitty thing to do.
My 40+ brother lives with parents. Their will states he has a year to get out if they die then house will be sold.
This was to protect other siblings from being screwed over.

They could've had a tenents in common mortgage with their 150k deposit protected and your DB paying the other 70k. Then if they died you would have 75k or he would buy your share of flat.

I have a feeling that the dynamics of your brother's relationship with his parents is about to change.

He's always lived in their house. Now they are technically living in his house if they have transferred all the money over to him. They have placed themselves in a very vulnerable position and put him in a powerful position.

I can see trouble ahead.

And if your DB met someone/married/had a child. Your Dp's now have no legal right to live in his flat.

I totally sympathise, but ultimately it's your mum's decision and I can get where she's coming from, too. While your brother may be an "overgrown baby", to her, he's her dearly loved son and she's making sure he has a roof over his head.

This bit rang an alarm bell for me though Your brother's got no kids (yet) so yours will get the flat eventually: she has no way of knowing what he'll do with the flat unless she ties things up legally to protect your children's future inheritance.

Your brother could marry a gold-digger and lose the property in a divorce, he could do equity release so that it was worth very little on his death or he could just sell it and decamp to Thailand to live out his days on the proceeds.

If I was in your shoes, I'd try and have a frank but tactful conversation with your mother, explain that you feel rather hurt but accept her decision and try and persuade her to get a good solicitor to draw up a will that protects your children, and possibly any future children that he might have. I envisage something like a trust that gives him a life interest in her share of the property but makes it your children's when he dies, but I'm sure there are loads of ways of doing it.

My DSS had a share in some BTL property that belonged to his grandparents. Canny granny had made sure it was held as tenants in common, so her share went to DSS on her death.

When your parents die I would fight for a portion of the original inheritance

You'd lose.

Is this a done deal?

I'd be as upset and pissed off as you OP. I know it's their money etc etc but it just seems such a stupid thing to do. Your brother has done really well for himself.

How old are your parents? Might there be tax implications, IHT if they don't live longer then 7 years? What about Deprivation of assets if they need care?

It just seems very short sighted if them.

YANBU to be bitter. I would be.

My 40+ brother lives with parents. Their will states he has a year to get out if they die then house will be sold.This was to protect other siblings from being screwed over

but it can work the other way. My mother's neighbour was in his 40s and still living at home. His parents were in their 90s and didn't need paid-for care because he was there. He did work.

He had two siblings who are both very wealthy. The father and mother made mirror wills which ensured that the son at home could stay in the house until he died, and then it would be divided between the two wealthy siblings. But the father died first, and the siblings pressured the mother to change her will so that the house was split three ways. So when the mother died, the son had to get out right away. But they only had the house because he'd been there to care for the parents. So he only got 1/3 of the house which was only enough to buy a very small flat.

I can see the value in equality, but I do think that if someone has restricted their life chances to look after you, they should get more money than the other siblings who didn't.

However, that doesn't appear to have happened in this case, the OP's DB needs to get a proper job and grow up.

I know how you feel OP, it's the same for my dh, between his divorced parents and their new families, dh will get nothing.
It's not the money but the lack of acknowledgement and favouritism.

I'm afraid if they were my parents and sibling they'd be left to it.
"Can't drive"? well they have enough money for a taxi.
Need some help with care in your old age, well db is old enough to do it himself or pay for carers.

I can understand your resentment. You might consider challenging the will when your parents are dead or keep in mind it may well have to be sold to fund their care if both need to go into a care home

How is your brother planning to pay off the rest of the mortgage if he doesn't work??

I'm shocked at all this, OP, no wonder you're upset. Your parents are being massively unfair.

Have they thought this through at all?? Doesn't sound like it. They are now living in db's flat - what if he wants to sell it? Or they argue and he wants them to move out?? Things could go very wrong. They should have taken legal advice.

Your brother sounds like a lazy freeloader. He gets rewarded for never getting a job and being a lazy arse while you don't get rewarded for working, saving for a house etc. Not really fair, is it?

Agree with others - keep in contact with them but do not help them. Leave all that up to your brother.

That is very hurtful, I'm sorry.

I would see this as having made their retirement plan that the childless, single son they are housing and funding will be their primary carer in his turn when the time comes. I would also be gently suggesting to parents that you are concerned about possible unforeseen circumstances, like if brother marries and husband new wife wants the flat sold for them to buy one together, or for parents to move out, or she claims half the flat in a divorce, or what happens to them if brother has to declare bankruptcy, and that they all look at protecting their situation legally. Although if the money has been signed over to their son with no safe guards and he doesn't want to sign to safeguards then you can only hope he's worthy of this extreme trust.

Thank you for your comments, I appreciate that people are seeing my point of view.
In answer to some questions:
Thecat: No we have never had any conflict/family problems before. I have always been slightly peeved about my brother's laziness, and the fact he is still tied to my mother's apron strings but we have never fallen out about it.
Leaves The will left everything to my mother, it was only if she pre-deceased (is that a word?) her aunt would the money go 50/50 to me & my brother. So legally the will has been complied with. My mother has the money, it did not stipulate what she had to do with it.
DB is in employment again and has been for about a year. My DM arranged it at the store she works at.

My DB does not have a will yet, it is to be drawn up in the next few weeks. DM seems to think him leaving the flat to my DC in his will, will solve everything.
I do not believe he would ever tell my parents to move out, (who would wash his pants) . But when, God forbid they are gone there is nothing to say he has to give me anything or to stop him from selling the flat at a later date, as it is his and his only.
If he is still alone and became unable to care for himself, I assume he would need to sell to fund Care. If he does have any family in the future, I imagine he will change his will and it would go to them.

Rookie Yes my DF is entitled to a new car. It's just growing-up we could never afford holidays as Dad preferred to upgrade his car regularly (and he never took us anywhere in it) . So it rankled a bit when whilst I am desperately scrimping & saving to try & afford to take my kids to France on the ferry he is still being selfish and putting his own wishes before anyone else's including my DM's (Originally before, the money came through, my DM had mentioned treating the DGC, but now there isn't anything left to treat them with.

Ok Bitbitter that makes total sense about the car - what is it about (some) men and their automobiles !

it might be worth speaking to your mother about a will - she could leave the property in trust for your brother with the remainder to your children after his death - Ive seen this before and it seems fairer

I agree that after your parents' death your dh may well decide to sell up and will see the flat as his home and his asset, and also agree if he stays it is likely to have to be sold for his care. Unfortunately I think your parents have made their choice, and the 'leave it to the kids' bit is a conscience salve for them.

It must be very hurtful, but that ship has probably sailed.

Yanbu op I’d be very hurt and pissed off i it happened to me. I agree with others let your brother take care of the extra responsibility of having elderly parents. You can still have a good relationship with them but if he wants to be at home with them sponging off of them then he had to accept what comes with it.